THE ORIGIN OF ANXIETY: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED

A deer may be startled by a loud noise and take off through the forest, but as soon as the threat is gone, the deer immediately calms down and starts grazing. And it does not appear to be in anxiety about it later. Let us play act for a moment that we are that deer, living in the grasslands of India. We have slim long feet that help us get into a sprint quickly and pruned senses that pick up signs of danger, a majestic antelope that grabs attention from the group of humans that, every now and then, come driving around on a jungle expedition taking pictures of us.

Perhaps the biggest difference between us and our other deer friends, and the humans taking our photograph is that nearly every decision we make (as a deer) provides an immediate benefit to our life. When we are hungry, we walk over and chomp on a bush. When it rains, we shelter under a tree. When we spot a tiger, we run away. Most of our choices as a deer—like what to eat or where to sleep or when to avoid a predator—make an immediate impact on our life. We live in what scientists call an immediate-return environment because our actions instantly deliver clear and immediate outcomes.

Now, let’s flip the script and pretend we are one of the humans on the jungle expedition. While taking photographs from the Jeep, we might think, “This safari has been a lot of fun. It would be cool to work as a park ranger and see deer every day. Speaking of work, is it time for a career change? Am I really doing the work I was meant to do? Should I change jobs?”

Most of the choices we make today will not benefit us immediately. If we do a good job at work today, we will get recognition at the end of the business quarter. If we save money now, we will have enough for retirement later. Many aspects of modern society are designed to delay rewards until some point in the future. This is true of our problems as well.  Such a situation is commonly referred to as delayed returns.

Researching hunting and gathering societies, anthropologist James Woodburn classified societies into two major categories: those with immediate return systems and those with delayed return systems. This entails two different environments.

The Immediate Return Environment

In an Immediate Return Environment, the actions of an individual bring about immediate benefits. Everything that prehistoric humans did was oriented at the present, as a result of following their instincts to survive: avoiding predators, finding shelter when they need it, reproducing, hunting and gathering to survive. For the sole purpose of completing these tasks, they made tools and weapons that did not require a lot of labour. The human brain evolved in this type of environment to use anxiety to protect humans from danger and starvation, compelling them to solve all the short-term problems they were faced with. The feelings of stress and anxiety were relieved as each problem was solved.

The Delayed Return Environment

The actions taken in a Delayed Return Environment are not directed at an immediate benefit, but with future reward in mind. Each day we work, we are putting in the effort to get a reward in the future: salary at the end of the month/project. We study in order to obtain a degree in years. We save money so we can invest it or enjoy spending it later. We choose healthy foods and exercise knowing that it will not make us fit immediately, but in the future and only if we maintain a regimen, and so on.

As humans evolved, they adopted more characteristics of delayed return societies, making elaborate weapons, processing, and storing food for future use, etc. But the modern environment presents a very abrupt change when you look at it from the perspective of evolution. The Delayed Return Environment tends to lead to chronic stress and anxiety for humans. Why? Because the human brain did not evolve for life in a delayed-return environment.

Evolution of the Brain

The earliest remains of modern humans, known as Homo sapiens, are approximately two hundred thousand years old. These were the first humans to have a brain relatively like ours. In particular, the neocortex—the newest part of the brain and the region responsible for higher functions like language—was roughly the same size two hundred thousand years ago as today. Compared to the age of the brain, modern society is incredibly new. It is only recently—during the last 500 years or so—that our society has shifted to a predominantly Delayed Return Environment.

The pace of change has increased exponentially compared to prehistoric times. In the last 100 years we have seen the rise of the car, the airplane, the television, the personal computer, the Internet, and MTV. Nearly everything that makes up our daily life has been created in a very small window of time. From the perspective of evolution, however, 100 years is nothing. The modern human brain spent hundreds of thousands of years evolving for one type of environment (immediate returns) and in the blink of an eye the entire environment changed (delayed returns).

The Evolution of Anxiety
The mismatch between our old brain and our new environment has a significant impact on the amount of chronic stress and anxiety we experience today. Thousands of years ago, when humans lived in an Immediate Return Environment, stress and anxiety were useful emotions because they helped us take action in the face of immediate problems. For Instance:

Anxiety was an emotion that helped protect humans in an Immediate Return Environment. It was built for solving short-term, acute problems. There was no such thing as chronic stress because there are no really chronic problems in an Immediate Return Environment. Wild animals rarely experience chronic stress. Today we face different problems. Will I have enough money to pay the bills next month? Will I get the promotion at work or remain stuck in my current job? Will I repair my broken relationship? Problems in a Delayed Return Environment can rarely be solved right now in the present moment.

Ways to balance our Anxiety and Stress.

One of the greatest sources of anxiety in a Delayed Return Environment is the constant uncertainty. There is no guarantee that working hard in school will get you a job. There is no promise that investments will go up in the future. There is no assurance that going on a date will land you a soul mate. Living in a Delayed Return Environment means you are surrounded by uncertainty. So how do we reconcile the way our brains work with the problems of the Delayed Return Environment?

First things first: we need to deal with the built-up chronic stress through small lifestyle changes. Many of us have excess levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) because of this fast-paced environment, so adjusting our diet, sleeping habits, and exercising more is the first step to balancing these hormones. Of course, practices such as meditation can help us regain emotional balance and realign our thoughts; meditation takes time to perfect, but it is worth it (there we go, delayed return all over again).

Next, there are two ways to regain balance:

01) Measuring something:-> We cannot know for certain how much money we will have in retirement, but we can remove some uncertainty from the situation by measuring how much we save each month. We cannot predict when we will find love, but we can pay attention to how many times we introduce ourselves to someone new.

The act of measurement takes an unknown quantity and makes it known. When we measure something, we immediately become more certain about the situation. Measurement will not magically solve our problems, but it will clarify the situation, pull us out of the black box of worry and uncertainty, and help us get a grip on what is actually happening.

Furthermore, one of the most important distinctions between an Immediate Return Environment and a Delayed Return Environment is rapid feedback. Animals are constantly getting feedback about the things that cause them stress. As a result, they actually know whether or not they should feel stressed. Without measurement you have no feedback.

02) Shift Your Worry:-> The second thing we can do is “shift our worry” from the long-term problem to a daily routine that will solve that problem. Instead of worrying about living longer, we can focus on taking a walk each day. Instead of worrying about losing enough weight for the wedding, we can focus on cooking a healthy dinner tonight.
The key insight that makes this strategy work is making sure our daily routine both rewards us right away (immediate return) and resolves our future problems (delayed return).

In the end, hopefully, by reflecting on the way the brain works and acknowledging how it puts anxiety in motion, we can use these mechanisms to our advantage. The Delayed Return Environment presents a challenge for humans, but there is a way to reconcile the age-old hardwiring of the brain with this environment that presents itself as threatening. Research has shown that the ability to delay gratification is one of the primary drivers of success. It is then interesting that delaying gratification is both the opposite of what our brain evolved to do and the skill that matches the Delayed Return Environment we live in today.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED – (CHAPTER 01)

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostor-ism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that we are not as competent as others perceive us to be. While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism and the social context.

To put it simply, imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling like a phony—we feel as though at any moment we are going to be found out as a fraud—like we do not belong where we are, and we only got there through dumb luck. It can affect anyone no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise.

Impostor syndrome is different from the standard “fake it until you make it” in that impostor syndrome impacts people who have already made it in a big way. People like Neil Armstrong, Michelle Obama, and Tom Hanks have all had bouts with impostor syndrome. If people who’ve achieved that level of success feel impostor syndrome, it’s a pretty normal feeling for any of us to feel the same.

Imposter syndrome takes up a lot of emotional energy and physical time, both of which we could be investing in our business, relationships, or personal life. It can also drive hesitation and prevent us from taking on opportunities that can propel our success. Imposter syndrome also occurs in normal human-to-human relationships. Based on this syndrome, continuing doubts about people and individual defense mechanisms are considered difficult to achieve healthy relationships.

Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or interpret it as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.

Common Characteristics of Imposter Syndrome

Causes of Imposter Syndrome

While for some people, impostor syndrome can fuel thoughts of motivation to achieve, this usually comes at a cost in the form of constant anxiety. We might over-prepare or work much harder than necessary to “make sure” that nobody finds out we are a fraud. This sets up a vicious cycle, in which we think that the only reason we survived that class presentation was that we stayed up all night rehearsing. The problem with impostor syndrome is that the experience of doing well at something does nothing to change our beliefs. It’s as though we cannot internalize our experiences of success.

This makes sense in terms of social anxiety if we received early feedback that we were not good at social or performance situations. Our core beliefs about ourselves are so strong, that they do not change, even when there is evidence to the contrary. The thought process is: If we do well, it must be the result of luck because a socially incompetent person just doesn’t belong.

Impostor Syndrome and Social Anxiety

Eventually, these feelings worsen anxiety and may lead to depression. People who experience impostor syndrome also tend not to talk about how they are feeling with anyone and struggle in silence, just as do those with social anxiety disorder.

Impostor syndrome and social anxiety may overlap. We might be in a conversation with someone and feel as though they are going to discover our social incompetence. We might be delivering a presentation and feel as though we just need to get through it before anyone realizes we really don’t belong there. While the symptoms of social anxiety can fuel feelings of impostor syndrome, this does not mean that everyone with impostor syndrome has social anxiety or vice versa. People without social anxiety can also feel a lack of confidence and competence. Impostor syndrome often causes normally non-anxious people to experience a sense of anxiety when they are in situations where they feel inadequate.

Identifying Impostor Syndrome

Self reflective inquiry can help in the identification Some of these stimulus may be:

The negative thinking, self-doubt, and self-sabotage that often characterize imposter syndrome can have an effect on many areas of our life.

Impostor syndrome Appearance

Impostor syndrome can appear in a number of different ways:

Impostor Syndrome and Procrastination

Impostor syndrome can send us into some very interesting cycles of procrastination and over preparation.

1. Impostor syndrome drives us to over-prepare or procrastinate achievement-related tasks
2. The results of our over preparation and procrastination feed more impostor syndrome. 

It’s a cycle called the Impostor Cycle. Here’s how it works. Think about having done something in the past – any achievement-related task like taking a test, giving a presentation at work, playing an open-mic night, or even writing an article.  Here is how it flows:

The Procrastination Path

If we procrastinate on that task, then we will rush at the end of our procrastination habit to cram in the work we have to do. In this situation, no one knows that we procrastinated except for us. When the task goes well, a normal feedback-loop would boost our confidence. But in the Impostor Cycle loop, we discount the positive feedback that we receive because we know that we procrastinated. We start to feel like we have fooled people yet again and did not earn that positive feedback. 

The next time we receive a task, we know that this could be the time that we fail and people figure out that we have been a fraud the entire time. So our ego kicks and it avoids the task and procrastinates again. This creates a see-saw battle between procrastination and impostor syndrome that is challenging to interrupt.

Over Preparation Path

Over preparation has two potential impostor cycles.

***To be continued in Chapter 02 (Root causes, measuring Imposter Syndrome, Ways to identify and cope) – Link to Chapter -02:

THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED – (CHAPTER 02)

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED – (CHAPTER 02)

***Continued from Chapter 01 (Covered previously: Meaning, Characterestics, Apparance and Manifestation)

Link to Chapter 01:

THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED – (CHAPTER 01)

Root Causes — And Potential Solutions 

Regardless of how or why people may feel like an impostor occasionally, this syndrome is all about the stories that we tell ourselves. We step out with an idea, then when someone says “no,” we retreat and the cycle repeats. The stories may not be true anymore, but they become a habit.  It may happen in school and then in meetings at work. Our ideas get shut down as someone says, “I’ve been here 11 years and that won’t work.” We develop complex coping mechanisms around these stories and deepen the groove in our brain of the thoughts and behaviours, making it very difficult to break the mental connections we’ve made – or to step into our brilliance, whatever it may be.

Measuring Impostor Syndrome

The first scale designated to measure characteristics of impostor syndrome phenomenon came in 1985, called the Clance impostor phenomenon scale (CIP). The scale can be used to determine if characteristics of fear are present, and to what extent. The aspects of fear include the fear of evaluation, fear of not continuing success and fear of not being as capable as others.  The Impostor phenomenon can be distinguished by the following six dimensions:

By this model, for an individual to be considered to experience impostorism, at least two of these aspects have to be present.

Coping with Impostor syndrome

To begin to get past this, we need to engage in deep self reflection. Some questions that may help are:

Perfectionism plays a significant role in impostor syndrome. We might think that there is some perfect “script” for conversations and that we cannot say the wrong thing. We probably have trouble asking for help from others and may procrastinate due to our own high standards. To move past these feelings, we need to become comfortable confronting some of those deeply ingrained beliefs we hold about ourselves. This can be hard because we might not even realize that we hold them, but here are some techniques we can use:

Rewire Your Brain 

Small changes are great, but it’s the deeper changes that have lasting impact. The biggest step toward gradually breaking through impostor syndrome is to change the way our brain chemically responds to negative messages. Self-imposed limitations are the greatest barrier to change. Few ways in which we can begin to turn potential self-limiting challenges into strengths – and train our brain to make new, more productive connections may be:

A) Learning how to sit in inquiry: . . . . . . . . . . . .  Turning questions into curiosity: Instead of just asking “Why did that happen?” ask, “How could it be different next time?” Use of solution-focused thinking such as, “What stopped me from making this mistake this time, and how can I practice more of that skill?”, etc.  Identify our stronger skills so that we can build on them rather than repeat mistakes.

B) Practicing periods of useful reflection: . .. . . . Ruminating on issues does not solve anything, or everything would be fixed. Worries are just made-up stories. Attaching facts to worries in order to gain insight and a fresh perspective helps. When we feel a judgment popping up (which will often be subjective), ask ourselves, “What are the facts?”

C) Use of “and” instead of “but” to weigh things more evenly: . . . . . . It’s all about the words we use. Most of the time, replacing “but” with “and” will lend a fresh perspective. Practice of not speaking in absolutes. Turn “I always…” into “I sometimes…” and we will literally change our brainwaves.

D) Post reminders of past successes: . . . . . . .  Hang our degrees, accolades and thank-you cards where we can see them, so that we are constantly reminded of the times we performed well in the past. We all need signposts to remind ourselves as we get caught up in our daily work. Let them become our pep talk and reminders of our brilliance, especially before important meetings or conversations.

Practicing a more mindful, inquisitive approach to impostor syndrome can go a long way toward alleviating its power over us in the workplace. True change begins on a personal level, but its effects need to be taken seriously at an organizational level as well.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

SELF DIFFERENTIATION: – BEHAVIOURS LINKED

Self-differentiation is a word we probably do not hear in everyday usage. But it is a crucial process to living (and eating) well. It is happening when we hear people speaking their minds with thoughtful conviction even though others might disapprove. It is lacking when someone spends their life rebelling against the views and values of parents/ colleagues and clinging to their opposite. It is missing when someone stifles feelings and thoughts in fear of hurting others or being rejected or shamed by them.  

Differentiation of self was defined by Murray Bowen (Psychiatrist, Professor- Georgetown University) in 1978 as the degree to which one is able to balance: (a) emotional and intellectual functioning, and (b) intimacy and autonomy in relationships.

His theory has two major parts.

1) Differentiation of self is the ability to separate feelings and thoughts. Undifferentiated people cannot separate feelings and thoughts; when asked to think, they are flooded with feelings, and have difficulty thinking logically and basing their responses on that.

2) Further, they have difficulty separating their own from others’ feelings; they look to family to define how they think about issues, feel about people, and interpret their experiences.

On an intrapsychic level, differentiation refers to the ability to distinguish thoughts from feelings and to choose between being guided by one’s intellect or one’s emotions.

Self-differentiation involves being able to possess and identify our own thoughts and feelings and distinguish them from others. It is a process of not losing connection to self while holding a deep connection to others, including those we love whose views may differ from ours. For Example- if we grow up in a family in which everyone maintains attachment (or has only brief disconnects) in spite of having different thoughts and feelings, we can begin to self-differentiate.

Greater differentiation allows one to experience strong affect or shift to calm, logical reasoning when circumstances dictate. Flexible, adaptable, and better able to cope with stress, more differentiated individuals operate equally well on both emotional and rational levels while maintaining a measure of autonomy within their intimate relationships. Highly differentiated individuals are thought to demonstrate better psychological adjustment.

In contrast, poorly differentiated persons tend to be more emotionally reactive, finding it difficult to remain calm in response to the emotionality of others. With intellect and emotions fused, they tend to make decisions based on what “feels right”; in short, they are trapped in an emotional world. Less differentiated individuals experience greater chronic anxiety.

From a process orientation, differentiation is an active, ongoing process of connecting to and honouring our own experience, acting in integrity with our values, and engaging in collaboration with others to meet needs. When differentiated, we are able to identify our needs and preferences in any given situation and to speak up for them when necessary. We regularly and explicitly clarify boundaries. We are able to manage the reactivity and discomfort that comes from either risking greater intimacy or potential separation and conflict.

Not only do problems with lack of self-differentiation make healthy adult relationships impossible, but they cause tremendous inner turmoil which can often lead to comfort eating. We may get furious because we feel controlled by someone who wants us to do something we do not wish to do but believe we are unsafe expressing our feelings openly. Or we may silence ourselves around others and feel inauthentic, unheard, or invisible, and with needs unmet, seek food for solace.

Here are some core skills and behaviors that signify and support differentiation to cultivate and watch for:-

1. Groundedness and clarity about our identity; confidence in our innate goodness and lovability.
2. Self-awareness, self-empathy, self-regulation/soothing remain accessible and consistent throughout a given day.
3. Self-responsibility: an ability to share unmet needs without blame, criticism, or demands.
4. An ability to meet differences with respect, curiosity, empathy, or celebration.
5. An ability to listen with empathy in interactions we perceive as difficult or challenging.
6. An ability to make changes within or to end relationships in which collaboration and mutual respect are not met.
7. Consistent engagement in activities and behaviours that support our thriving.
8. Having multiple trusted strategies to meet any given need; not expecting to meet any need with just one person or one strategy.
9. A consistent sense of meaning and purpose.
10. A consistent and confident sense of autonomy and agency.
11. An ability to express authentically while considering the needs of others and risking conflict.
12. Mindfulness practice: noticing your experience with compassion; having an ability to identify your intention, feelings, needs, and requests in any given moment.

Emotional fusion refers to an emotional intertwining between people and or between people and other animals or between people and objects. This is an attachment that is a part of all relationships but varies in quantity depending on two variables: the level of chronic anxiety and the level of differentiation of self of the individuals involved.

A high degree of fusion or attachment reflects a high degree of sensitivity of people to each other and when sufficiently intense takes one of two forms: “I can’t do without you” or “I can’t stand to be around you.” Regardless of the external form fusion takes, it reflects a state of “we-ness” in that people believe, to some extent, that they must feel alike, think alike, and behave alike.

Anger and over-compliance, for example, are two sides of the same coin. Both are the result of fusion or the inability to function, the result of having thoughts and actions determined by others. We should take pride in our emotions but be wary of the forces that are trying to manipulate them. We must always balance emotion with reason.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

EFFECTIVE AND MEANINGFUL APOLOGY: BEHAVIOURS ASSOCIATED

Apologizing to those we have hurt or harmed isn’t always an easy task. There can be various obstacles in our way of doing what is right. Some are:

A)  A matter of pride: . . .   To apologize is to set aside our pride long enough to admit our imperfections. For some people, this feels far too vulnerable, too dangerous. It means they have to admit they are flawed and fallible, something they refuse to do. And apologizing also overrides our tendency to make excuses or blame others. This acceptance of responsibility for our own actions is so out of character for some that it is nearly impossible.  

B) A sign of weakness: . . .  To many, apologizing reflects weakness. These people have a tendency to need to be right and to always be seen as strong and powerful. But the truth is, apologizing for the harm you caused and taking responsibility for your mistakes can actually be seen as a sign of strength. For example, General Mark Milley recently apologized for appearing in a photo-op with President Trump. “It was a mistake,” he admitted, “I should not have been there.” For most people, hearing a top General apologize didn’t diminish him in their eyes but elevated him. The truth is, it takes strength to apologize.

C)  Fear of being shamed: . . . .  Some people have been so severely shamed in their childhood that they can’t tolerate any further shaming.  This includes admitting when they are wrong or apologizing for mistakes.

D)  The fear of consequences: . . . . . Many people fear that if they take the risk of apologizing they may be rejected. “What if he never speaks to me again,” and “What if she leaves me?” are two of our most common fears. Others fear that by apologizing they risk being exposed to others or of having their reputations ruined. “What if he tells everyone what I did?” is the common fear of those who fear this consequence. Some people fear that by admitting fault they will lose the respect of others. “What if she thinks I’m incompetent?” Still, others fear retaliation, “What if he yells at me?” “What if she tries to get revenge?” Finally, the fear of exposure or even arrest may prevent us from doing what we know we need to do. Even those who would like to apologize for wrongdoing hold back out of fear of being sued or arrested, or due to the advice of legal counsel.  

E)  A lack of awareness: . . . . . Many people don’t apologize because they are oblivious to the effect their actions have on others. They don’t apologize because they are simply unaware that they have anything to apologize for. They may be so focused on what others have done to harm them that they can’t see how they have harmed others, or they just may be so self-focused that they are unable to see the effect their behaviour has on others. 

Each person suffers in one way or another. And each of us is trying to end that suffering in any way we can. Sometimes, in a last-ditch effort to end our suffering, we choose to close off our minds or harden our hearts. When we do this, we accomplish our goal of not being able to feel our pain but we also stop being able to feel the pain of others. When this happens we act in callous, selfish, even cruel ways without even knowing it. This may give the impression that we don’t care when, in fact, we are just blind to the effects of our actions.

F)  The inability to empathize: . . . . . By far, the most significant reason why so many of us have difficulty apologizing it that we lack empathy for others, that quality that enables us to put ourselves in the place of the other person.  In order to truly apologize we need to be able to imagine how our behaviour or attitude has affected the other person. Unfortunately, many people are unable to do this. Some have to be reminded how to have empathy, others have to be taught.

Apology has the power to humble the most arrogant of people. When we are able to develop the courage to admit when we are wrong and to work past our fears and resistance to apologizing we develop a deep sense of respect for ourselves. This self-respect can, in turn, affect our self-esteem, our self-confidence and our overall outlook on life.

When I apologize to you I show you that I respect you and care about your feelings. I let you know that I did not intend to hurt you and that it is my intention to treat you fairly in the future. By accepting my apology you not only show me (and yourself) that you have a generous spirit but that you are giving me and our relationship another chance. In addition, you are reminded of your own mistakes and this in turn can encourage you to treat me and others with more respect and consideration.

What is a Meaningful Apology?

Many people need to be taught how to apologize in a way that will be heard and accepted. An effective, meaningful apology is one that communicates the three R’s: . . .

1)  A statement of regret for having caused the inconvenience, hurt, or damage.

To feel true regret we need to have empathy for the person we have harmed. This entails imagining how the other person feels and an awareness of the inconvenience, hurt, or damage that you caused the other person. Having empathy for the person you hurt or angered is actually the most important part of your apology. When you truly have empathy the other person will feel it. Your apology will wash over him or her like a healing balm. On the other hand, if you don’t have empathy your apology will sound and feel empty.

2)  An acceptance of responsibility for your actions. 

This means not blaming anyone else for what you did and not making excuses for your actions but instead accepting full responsibility.

3) A statement of your willingness to take some action to remedy the situation.

This could be either by promising to not repeat your action, a promise to work toward not making the same mistake again, a statement as to how you are going to remedy the situation or by making restitution for the damages you caused. Just saying you are sorry is insulting unless you offer reassurances that you will not do it again.

Apology is a powerful interaction that has an almost magical ability to provide healing for both the offended and the offender. Let’s not squander our opportunities to heal, grow, and change our lives and the lives of others for the better by refusing to admit our wrongs or by giving half-hearted, bumbled, or insulting apologies. 

Article Reference: The Power of Apology-  Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships, by Beverly Engel.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

MENTAL/ BRAIN BANDWIDTH: PERCEPTION AND DISCERNMENT

Everything we do (thinking and doing) occupies some bandwidth. Some things occupy a little and others a lot.

Examples of things that occupy a little, for most people, are walking, drumming your fingers, or tapping your foot, and things that we are expert at because we have done them often. Examples of things that occupy a lot are talking, listening to information, doing anything we have to concentrate hard on, doing things that we are not expert in because we have not done them before.

Driving a car is a good way to envisage this. When we were learning to drive, we had to concentrate extremely hard. We would not have been able to hold a conversation while driving. Almost all our attention was involved in trying to drive. Now that we are an expert, we do not usually have to use so much of our attention. Of course, we still must use a fair amount, but we could also have a conversation while driving. But then, every now and then while we are driving along, something happens that means we have to focus more: the traffic increases, we come to a part of the journey where we have to look out for a turning, roadworks happen, the weather becomes difficult. Then we will find that we tend to stop conversation; we might turn the radio off; we have instinctively realised the need for more brain bandwidth for driving.

A few more interesting examples:

What is Mental Bandwidth (or Cognitive Bandwidth)?

Bandwidth is what allows us to reason, to focus, to learn new ideas, to make creative leaps and to resist our immediate impulses. Bandwidth refers to our cognitive capacity and our ability to pay attention, make good decisions, stick with our plans, and resist temptations.

Cognitive bandwidth is the maximum amount of thinking that is available per unit of time. It can be simplified a step further. We use the term ‘bandwidth’ to refer to two broad, related components of mental function:

Time Scarcity Vs Mental Bandwidth

Scarcity creates a powerful goal that inhibits other considerations. By constantly drawing us back to that urgent unmet goal, scarcity taxes our bandwidth and our most fundamental capacities. Busy people all make the same mistake: they assume they are short on time, which of course they are. But time is not their only scarce resource. They are also short on bandwidth. For instance, although the room seems quiet, it is full of disruptions—ones that come from within. Such internal disruptions stem from scarcity. An unrealized need can capture our attention and impede our ability to focus on other things.

The impacts of scarcity on mental bandwidth can be a vicious cycle. Feelings of scarcity, whether money or time, prey on the mind, thereby impairing decision-making. When we are busy, we are more likely to make poor time-management choices – taking on commitments we cannot handle, or prioritising trifling tasks over crucial ones. A vicious spiral kicks in, our feelings of busyness leave us even busier than before.

This scarcity mindset consumes ‘mental bandwidth’ — brainpower that would otherwise go to less pressing concerns, planning ahead and problem-solving.

This deprivation can lead to a life absorbed by preoccupations that impose ongoing cognitive deficits and reinforce self-defeating actions. When we focus heavily on one thing, there is just less mind to devote to other things. We call it tunnelling — as we devote more and more to dealing with scarcity we have less and less for other things in our life.

A Cognitive Bandwidth Formula

A simple but different approach to cognitive bandwidth can be demonstrated by a formula that we can all use to find mental balance:

1. Throughput: The actual amount of thinking done per unit of time…the throughput depends on the complexity of the stuff we are working on.
2. Overhead: Overhead is the cost of doing stuff where we must care about organization, task switching, etc, and is paid against the bandwidth limit.
3. Bandwidth: The bandwidth is fixed at some level which we can barely change.

The idea is to try and always make sure our throughput and overhead do not exceed our perceived total bandwidth. If we know our overhead is going to be high one day, we can try to plan for a reduced throughput (and vice versa).

Why Is This Brain Bandwidth Theory So Relevant To Wellbeing, Stress & Performance?

1. Stress and preoccupation. Three main disadvantages (among others) are:
   • That we can have too much adrenalin and have a sense of panic instead of simple alertness.
   • Cortisol has a habit of building up and over time causing problems with sleep, mental health, focus, mood, performance, and physical illnesses.
   • Preoccupation. This describes the fact that if our brain bandwidth is occupied, then we have less available to focus on the task in hand.
2. Things that occupy a lot of bandwidth:
   • Worries, anxieties, intrusive negative thoughts – if we are worried about something or someone, it’s hard to focus on our work; we’ll make more mistakes; and we’ll be snappier.
   • Processing information or tasks – such as things we are trying to learn, understand or remember
   • Anything new and unfamiliar
   • Other people being around us – they could be distracting us or making us feel unrelaxed; other people are hard to ignore
   • Working on screens – because when we are using a screen there is almost always competing information on the screen, adverts and icons and notifications designed to attract our attention away from what we are doing.
3. The consequences of that:
   • Exhaustion.
   • Mistakes and forgetfulness – the times when we have “a lot on our mind” are the times when we make mistakes.
   • Loss of executive control –the times when we snap, say and do things we don’t mean.
   • Loss of cognitive ability – it is harder to learn new things if we can’t devote our full attention.

Tips For Managing Our Mental Bandwidth

• Ignore the Generic Methods & Experiment

There are several conflicting philosophies. For instance, a penny saved might be a penny earned, yet we are also told not to be penny smart and pound foolish. The same holds true with advice for mental bandwidth, where one source might encourage multitasking, while another demand absolute singularity of focus. Rather than trying to adapt our working style to someone else’s, experiment with different techniques and keep those that are functional for us, while casting aside those that do not.

• Actively Manage Our Mental Bandwidth

Perhaps the biggest mistake many people make is allowing their mental bandwidth to be managed for them. The beeping phone, meeting request, or act performed for ritual or obligation all rob our limited mental bandwidth, and many perform these actions unquestioningly. If we allocate our focus as we see fit, and actively choose what we want to focus on, we will be in command of our mental bandwidth.

• Do A Bandwidth Cost/Benefit

Most of us are awash in meeting requests and accept without question. Everyone complains about excessive meetings, yet it is often a guilty pleasure to summon a group at our whim, or join a discussion under the assumption that our input is necessary and valuable. Simply asking ourselves whether requesting or attending is worth the cost in mental bandwidth is a great start.

• Plan For Focus Time

There are tasks that require great focus, whether performing precision or dangerous manual work, or designing a complex system or bit of code. Or, we may need to spend some time with a small group, free from distraction. Book a block in the calendar, shut off the phone, move to a different physical location, or do whatever is required to create the right circumstances to have the necessary focus to get the job done.

• Know When To Throw In The Towel

For many of us it can be tempting to put in the extra hour at the office, or delay vacations for what is perceived as a critical set of meetings or deadlines. Trying to squeeze out the last ounce of mental bandwidth can be tempting in the moment, but it is ultimately an effort with rapidly diminishing returns. Calling it a night, taking that long-delayed vacation, or even the simple act of a quick walk around the office will recharge our mental energy and make us more effective in the long run.

• Don’t Make Assumptions About Our Team

It can be tempting to assume that what works for us will be effective for others, even to the point of designing our physical spaces and policies around what we assume will allow our team to best manage and deploy their mental bandwidth. Rather than assuming, ask the team how we can help them be most effective. Allow the teams to experiment and find what works for them, and use the end result as the benchmark for success.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

FEAR OF MISSING OUT (FOMO)

What Is FOMO?

This is a social anxiety stemmed from the belief that others might be having fun while the person experiencing the anxiety is not present. It is characterized by a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing. FOMO is also defined as a fear of regret, which may lead to concerns that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience or a profitable investment. It is the fear that deciding not to participate is the wrong choice.

Social networking creates many opportunities for FOMO. While it provides opportunities for social engagement, it offers an endless stream of activities in which any given person is not involved. Psychological dependence on social networks can result in anxiety and can lead to FOMO or even pathological Internet use. FOMO could result from not knowing about a conversation, missing a TV show, not attending a wedding or party, or hearing that others have discovered a new restaurant. The fear of missing out refers to the feeling or perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you are, and involves a deep sense of envy and affects self-esteem. FOMO is also the sense that there might be better things that you could be doing at this moment and involves a sense of helplessness that you are missing out on something big.

Brief History

The idea that you might be missing out on a good time is not new to our era. However, while it has presumably been around for centuries (you can see evidence of FOMO in ancient texts), it has only been studied since 1996. Social media has accelerated the FOMO phenomenon in several ways. It provides a situation in which you are comparing your regular life to the highlights of others’ lives. Therefore, your sense of “normal” becomes skewed and you seem to be doing worse than your peers. You might see detailed photos of your friends enjoying fun times without you, which is something that people may not have been so readily aware of in past generations. Social media creates a platform for bragging; it is where things, events, and even happiness itself seems to be in competition at times. People are comparing their best, picture-perfect experiences, which may lead you to wonder what you are lacking.

The roots: FOMO Comes from Unhappiness

Those with low levels of satisfaction of the fundamental needs for competence, autonomy, and relatedness tend towards higher levels of fear of missing out as do those with lower levels of general mood and overall life satisfaction. So you’re not feeling so great — whether you realize it or not — and you turn to social media to make you feel better. Only one problem there: it actually makes you feel worse.

The Attention Deficit

The problem with FOMO is the individuals it impacts are looking outward instead of inward. When you’re so tuned in to the ‘other,’ or the ‘better’ (in your mind), you lose your authentic sense of self. This constant fear of missing out means you are not participating as a real person in your own world. And the key to happiness really comes down to one word – Attention. Your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention. What you attend to this, it drives your behaviour and it determines your happiness. The scarcity of attentional resources means that you must consider how you can make and facilitate better decisions about what to pay attention to and in what ways. If you are not as happy as you could be, then you must be misallocating your attention. So changing behaviour and enhancing happiness is as much about withdrawing attention from the negative as it is about attending to the positive. People with FOMO stop paying attention to life and turn to social media for their happiness cure.

The Social Media Illusion

We all know that Social Media doesn’t provide a very well-rounded picture of people’s lives. Often it seems like if bragging and showing off were banned, some people wouldn’t post anything at all. But despite knowing this, studies say we can’t help but compare our lives to others. If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are.

As Erica Jong once said: “Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.” Even if we logically know Social Media isn’t an accurate depiction of people’s lives, well, confronting your seeming inadequacy 24/7 against an unachievable false reality can hammer your already vulnerable self-esteem. But engaging to alleviate your discomfort also has an important secondary effect: by presenting your carefully edited version of life awesomeness, you just made anyone who sees it feel worse. You’re spreading the virus.

1. Social networking sites are both a cause and an effect of FOMO, acting as a mechanism that triggers higher social networking usage. It appears that FOMO is linked to both feeling a need to engage in social media and increasing that engagement, thereby contributing to a negative, self-perpetuating cycle.
2. You may find yourself seeking a greater connection when you are feeling depressed or anxious, and this is healthy. Feelings of loneliness or exclusion are actually our brain’s way of telling us that we want to seek out greater connections with others and increase our sense of belonging.
3. FOMO can be experienced by people of all ages. Smartphone usage was related to fears of negative and even positive evaluations by others as well as linked to negative effects on mood.
4. FOMO is linked to lower life satisfaction.  Fear of missing out was found to be associated with a lower sense of having one’s needs met as well as a lower feeling of life satisfaction in general.
5. Aside from increased feelings of unhappiness, fear of missing out can lead to greater involvement in unhealthy behaviours. FOMO has been linked to distracted driving, which in some cases can be deadly.

Minimizing FOMO

Change your focus.: Rather than focusing on what you lack, try noticing what you have. Add more positive people to your feed; hide people who tend to brag too much or who are not supportive of you. You can change your feed to show you less of what triggers your FOMO and more of what makes you feel good about yourself. Work on identifying what may be sapping your joy online and  minimize these as you add more to your feed (and life) that makes you happy.

Keep a journal. : It is common to post on social media to keep a record of the fun things you do. However, you may find yourself noticing a little too much about whether people are validating your experiences online. If this is the case, you may want to take some of your photos and memories offline and keep a personal journal of your best memories, either online or on paper. This can help you to shift your focus from public approval to private appreciation of the things that make your life great. This shift can sometimes help you to get out of the cycle of social media and FOMO.

Seek out real connections. : Rather than trying to connect more with people on social media, why not arrange to meet up with someone in person? Making plans with a good friend, creating a group outing, or doing anything social that gets you out with friends can be a nice change of pace, and it can help you to shake that feeling that you are missing out. Even a direct message on social media to a friend can foster a greater and more intimate connection than posting to all of your friends.

Focus on gratitude. : Studies show that engaging in gratitude-enhancing activities like gratitude journaling or simply telling others what you appreciate about them can lift your spirits as well as those of everyone around you. This is partially because it is harder to feel as if you lack the things you need in life when you are focused on the abundance you already have. The more a person is inclined to gratitude, the less likely he or she is to be depressed, anxious, lonely, envious, or neurotic. And feeling gratitude doesn’t just make you happier. It’s correlated with an objectively better life. Gratitude, controlling for materialism, uniquely predicts all outcomes considered, like a higher grade point average, life satisfaction, social integration, and absorption, as well as lower envy and depression.

Use social media in moderation.: The negative effects of social media often occur when social media is used very frequently, or at the expense of maintaining relationships offline. Social media can be a great tool for connecting with other people. Although we can experience FOMO when we learn about fun events after-the-fact, social media can also be a great way to find out about events we are able to attend. Social media can complement a healthy, fulfilling social life when used in moderation. To reduce your social media use, try using Moment or another activity-tracking smartphone app to monitor the time you spend on social media and set realistic goals for reducing your social media time and replacing it with more fulfilling activities.

Focus on your friends more than your acquaintances.: We can use social media to keep in touch with people who live far away and to see what our friends are doing. Viewing close friends’ posts is less likely to provoke the upward social comparison that harms our well-being than viewing acquaintances’ or strangers’ posts.

Share updates from your own life in a mindful way.: Although we know our own lives aren’t perfect, it’s often tempting to portray them that way on social media. It’s natural to want to present ourselves positively, and updating our own social media accounts can boost our self-esteem. However, occasionally discussing the less-than-perfect aspects of our lives can help others feel connected to us and give them the opportunity to support us. Honesty on social media may also help mitigate the negative consequences of social media use for others.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER: AN OVERVIEW

Anxiety disorders are a class of mental disorders that distinguish themselves from other problems with two key features: fear and anxiety. Fear is an emotion experienced in response to an imminent threat (real or imagined). Anxiety, on the other hand, is an emotional state experienced in anticipation of a potential future threat.

Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)—despite its name—is a specific type of anxiety disorder. The hallmark feature of GAD is persistent, excessive, and intrusive worry.

Who Gets GAD

GAD is among the three most common psychiatric problems in youngsters (alongside separation anxiety and social anxiety disorders). However, early detection and intervention can result in significant or full remission of symptoms and may protect against the development of other problems later in life.

GAD is also the most commonly occurring anxiety disorder in older adults. New onset GAD in older adults is commonly related to co-occurring depression. In this age group, GAD has historically likely been underdiagnosed and undertreated for a number of reasons.

Signs and Symptoms

To meet formalized diagnostic criteria for GAD, excessive anxiety and worry must be present most of the day more days than not for at least six months.

Features of excessive worry include:

1. Worry even when there is nothing wrong
2. Worry about a perceived threat in a manner that is disproportionate to the actual risk
3. Worrying about something for the majority of your waking hours
4. Asking others for reassurance about your specific concern, but continuing to worry anyways
5. Worry that shifts from one topic to another

For people with GAD, the worry is very difficult to control and is associated with multiple physical or cognitive symptoms such as:

1. Restlessness or edginess
2. Fatigue
3. Poor concentration (sometimes with memory problems)
4. Irritability (sometimes observable to others)
5. Muscle tension or soreness
6. Impaired sleep

Many people with GAD also experience other uncomfortable markers of prolonged anxiety, including sweating, stomach upset, or migraine headaches.

Diagnosis

GAD can be challenging to accurately identify because anxiety is an emotional state that everyone experiences from time to time in response to the stresses of everyday life. In fact, moderate anxiety can be quite helpful in a range of ways—for example, providing us with motivation to get things done or to respond to actual threats to our safety if they occur.

Causes and Risk Factors

Like many other psychiatric disorders, GAD is thought to emerge in the context of particular biological and environmental factors. A key biological factor is a genetic vulnerability. It is estimated that one-third of the risk of experiencing GAD is genetic, but genetic factors may overlap with other anxiety and mood disorders (particularly major depression). Temperament is another associated factor with GAD. Temperament refers to personality traits that are often regarded as innate (and therefore might be biologically mediated). Temperamental characteristics known to be associated with GAD include harm avoidance, neuroticism (or the tendency to be in a negative emotional state), and behavioural inhibition.

No specific environmental factors have been identified as specific or necessary to cause GAD. However, environmental features associated with GAD include (but are not limited to):

1. Observation of constant worrying by family members
2. Overprotective parents
3. Modelling of dealing with stress in an anxious manner
4. Exposure to an unsafe setting (including trauma)
5. Periods of prolonged stress

Again, no one factor—biological or environmental—is understood to cause GAD. Rather, the disorder is thought to result from a “perfect storm” of environmental stressors that occur in an individual with a genetic predisposition for anxiety.

Treatment

Treatment for GAD typically falls into one of three categories: medication, psychotherapy, and self-help. Treatment research is ongoing and encouraging, particularly with regards to the helpfulness of approaches like yoga and mindfulness. Because anxiety is a natural part of the human experience and treatments for GAD appear to offer far-reaching benefits on day-to-day functioning, even people with low-grade anxiety may benefit from treatment.

Coping

People with GAD have to cope with a variety of physical, behavioural, and emotional symptoms on a day-to-day basis. There are proven strategies to target each. Social coping strategies, for example, involve talking to someone and recruiting support, while emotional coping strategies like mindfulness and learning the triggers can help quell intrusive thoughts and overwhelm. Every person has a unique situation, and not every strategy will work for everyone. Part of coping involves determining which strategy works best and optimizing it to get the most from it.

For Loved Ones

Living with someone having anxiety has its challenges, but there are several ways that you can help including learning about the problem, discouraging avoidance, limiting reassurance-seeking behaviour, and championing successes large and small. There will, of course, be limits to the ways in which you can be helpful to your loved one with GAD. This is when it is especially useful for your loved one to use the treatment resources (i.e., clinicians) available to them. If your loved one is reluctant to seek treatment for anxiety, or unaware of the severity of the problem, look for a quiet moment to have a non-judgmental conversation about how treatment might be a way to feel better, faster.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa