NEGOTIATION MINDSET: BEHAVIOURS & EMOTIONS INVOLVED

Negotiation is an inherent part of influencing someone. In a work environment, it can be external negotiations, with a supplier or a client; or internal, with a boss, colleague or subordinate. But we must also negotiate with ourselves, be aware of instinctive reactions (psychological and physical), in order to regulate them and respond consciously and appropriately to the circumstances so that we get the best result.

All negotiations comprise two dimensions: The “substance,” meaning the subject matter or objective of the negotiation, and the “relationship,” i.e., the interaction or connection with the other person. We negotiate because we are looking to gain something or because the relationship with the other party is important. These two dimensions are always in play and under tension because the things we do to improve the substance—such as not making concessions—damage the relationship to a certain degree. Conversely, when we try to grow the relationship, decisions like being flexible can lessen the substance, which in turn becomes a source of frustration.

Our Emotional Reactions

In order to change, we must be aware of the behaviour that needs changing. Most of us fall into assumptions or mindsets about negotiation, generally as a result of emotional reactions that trigger certain behaviours and can have an influence on either maximizing our benefit or achieving the exact opposite. Indeed, oftentimes the problem is not the behaviour itself, but rather the mindset that generates that behaviour. Changing mindsets will automatically bring about different results. Some of the most common assumptions regarding negotiation are: 

Competing?: . . .  Not always. It is incorrectly assumed that negotiating implies competing. It is necessary sometimes, but not always. The key is being capable of adapting our behavior to the circumstances.

“Wait and see” vs. “be proactive.” . . . . Perhaps, due to ignorance, most people go to negotiations hoping to see how the other party behaves and then react accordingly. We tend to be reactive, which is a mistake because we have a huge capacity to influence others if we are proactive, if we have a definite plan and a clear approach to negotiating. When it comes to reactivity, the advice is: “Do not react. Wait, buy time, then respond.”

The value available is definite: . . . .  That’s why we compete: We think we must divide what’s there and take the biggest piece, when it’s easy to increase the value available in a negotiation.

Not identifying intention with impact: . . . . There is a clear lack of communication in negotiations. The counterpart’s intentions are always misinterpreted because that makes evolutionary sense. If an ambiguous signal is sent, the recipient will always interpret it in the worst possible way. In a negotiation, we need to send clear messages.

Short term versus long term: . . . . . We tend to think in the short term, however collaborative thinking in the long term is more beneficial.

As for this last assumption, it is also important to mention reputation, which is difficult to build but can be destroyed in a heartbeat. Having a short-term mentality keeps us from thinking about the implications of our actions in the long run. Nevertheless, we should not simply place our trust if we do not have a basis for doing so. The key is to be trustworthy, but not overly trusting.

The first key to negotiation, thus, is the mindset, being aware that we carry baggage that makes us react in a certain way that is not always the most appropriate. If we change our mindset, we change the behaviour and can get different results. Most of us fall into assumptions or mindsets about negotiation, generally as a result of emotional reactions that trigger certain behaviours and can have an influence on either maximizing our benefit or achieving the exact opposite.

Negotiation Styles

There are five styles of negotiation, depending on how much the substance and relationship matter:

A) – Competing: . . . . There are people for whom substance is everything and the relationship doesn’t matter. Their style of negotiation tends to be aggressive: they compete. The benefit is that it always gets great results; the downside is that in the long run nobody wants to play with them.

B) – Avoiding: . . . . . When neither substance nor relationship matters, we tend to avoid it.

C) – Accommodating: . . . . .. When the substance is minor and inconsequential, and the relationship is very important, we tend to adapt to their requests. The long-term problem is that the substance will be insignificant.

D) – Compromise: . . . . .. When both dimensions matter (neither for you nor for me), the decision is to compromise (50-50%) because it is quick and seems equitable.

E) – Collaborating: . . . . .. This style maximizes both the relationship and the substance. It is quite complex and definitely not innate. It requires training and counteracting our impulses. We can only collaborate when we have enough time and knowledge and we care about both dimensions.

Which style is best? That depends on the circumstances. We all have a predetermined style that we feel most comfortable with and we unconsciously revert to that in stressful situations, such as negotiations. We must be clear on two objectives: first, being aware of our own automatic reaction; second, using a style that fits the circumstances. From the outset, we must take into account that the collaborating style is not innate, since our instinctive reactions often lead us to compete, avoid, accommodate or compromise.

To be able to move from positions to interests we must ask open questions, showing curiosity, without prejudice.

Elements for a Collaborative Negotiation Framework

Generally, simple criteria are used to define what a successful negotiation looks like. However, the criteria are lacking and leave us exposed to manipulation. Thus, it requires a more complex model that can:

Some key elements that are key in a negotiation process are:

A) – Interests: . . . . . The needs and motivations that lead to negotiation. It is important to differentiate negotiations from positions, which are a unique way of satisfying an interest or a specific demand. We should ask about the interests of each party because the objective of a negotiation is to reach the point where both our interests and those of the other party are satisfied, so that the agreement is fulfilled. We need to make our own interests known in order for them to be met, but we should never reveal how important our top priorities really are. It is also vital to know what others want, so that we don’t offer them too much.

B) – Options: . . . . . Once both parties’ interests have been identified, that is when solutions are proposed. The key is to come up with as many options as possible and settle on the one with the most value. It is important to create a space that allows for brainstorming, and to separate the output of options from the selection process. This allows us to maximize the chances of creating an option that achieves the highest possible satisfaction of the interests at stake.

 C) – Criteria for legitimacy: . . . . . When options abound, some will benefit one party, and some will benefit the other. The goal is to reach equitable agreements by means of shared criteria for legitimacy.

 D) – Alternatives: . . . . . This implies everything that can be done to satisfy our interests without needing the other party, away from the negotiating table. If there are alternatives, they will always have to offer us something better.

 E) – Relationship and communication: . . . . . In a negotiation, the goal is to spend as much time as possible talking about interests, options and criteria for legitimacy. This requires fluid communication and a fluid relationship. A variety of tools can be used to move from positions (demands of the negotiating parties) to interests (underlying needs that are not obvious). Foremost of these is the asking of open questions, showing genuine curiosity, without prejudice. We cannot have mindset of certainty; instead, we need to turn the negotiation into a learning-oriented conversation.

After asking a question, silence comes into play. When used properly, given the discomfort it generates, it can help us get answers. We must also be aware of the emotional reactions it triggers in us and not react to it if we do not wish to. Next, we have listening, which should be approached as a two-way tool: We must listen not only to understand, but also to make the other person feel heard. And to achieve this second aim, we must demonstrate our understanding. Here are three methods for doing so:

1. Repeating: . . . . .. The advantage is that it is very easy, but it does not really convey true understanding. There is no risk of mistakes; it allows us to continue the conversation.
2. Paraphrasing: . . . . .. To say the same thing in our own words conveys a greater degree of understanding, but does not allow the conversation to move forward; it is like an insurance policy for having a smooth communication.
3. Reformulating: . . . . .. This is a negotiator’s secret weapon, which opens any and all doors. It consists of constantly reflecting interests, making the person feel heard and understood. But, instead of echoing what they express, which is usually positions, it is about conveying the interests in a positive light while looking toward the future.

Again, the key to negotiation is changing mindsets. Simply by changing the purpose of the conversation, we will get better results. The very process of listening with genuine curiosity and showing understanding, not conformity, makes the relationship and communication flow, enabling negotiation to become an activity that strengthens relationships and maximizes value.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

COGNITIVE FLEXIBILITY: ADAPTING TO CHANGE AS LEADERS

Now more than ever before, leaders all over the world are facing change and complexity — the coronavirus pandemic has presented us all with new challenges, new circumstances, and new uncertainties. Adaptability is a requirement. Because change is constant and inevitable, leaders must be flexible to succeed. Adaptability is about having ready access to a range of behaviours that enable leaders to shift and experiment as things change.

Conversely, it may also be argued that inflexible leaders limit the adaptability of others. New initiatives may be halted or stifled. Resistance to change may undermine critical projects or system-wide implementation. Employee enthusiasm, cooperation, morale, and creativity are jeopardized, making it all the more difficult to run the business or organization.

Am I a Flexible Leader?

Consider our personal approach to change. How do we respond when facing change??->

If few or none of these responses describes us, we are not alone. Many of us get stuck, have a hard time letting go, or simply don’t know how to proceed in unknown territory.

The 3 Types of Flexibility That Help You Adapt to Change

We need to practice the 3 components of adaptability: cognitive flexibility, emotional flexibility and dispositional flexibility.

A) Cognitive flexibility — the ability to use different thinking strategies and mental frameworks:. . . . Leaders who have cognitive flexibility are able to incorporate different thinking strategies and mental frameworks into their planning, decision-making, and management of day-to-day work. They can simultaneously hold multiple scenarios in mind and can see when to shift and inject a change. Cognitive flexibility indicates nimble, divergent thinking, an interest in developing new approaches, the ability to see and leverage new connections, and the propensity to work well across the organization. These leaders readily learn from experience and recognize when old approaches don’t work.

B) Emotional flexibility — the ability to vary one’s approach to dealing with emotions and those of others:  . . . . . Leaders with emotional flexibility vary their approach to dealing with their own and others’ emotions — an area that many leaders often fail to consider. An emotionally flexible leader is comfortable with the process of transition, including grieving, complaining, and resistance. Adapting to change requires give and take between the leader and those experiencing the change. A leader without emotional flexibility is dismissive of others’ concerns and emotions and shuts down discussion. At the same time, an emotionally adaptive leader moves the change or agenda forward.

C) Dispositional flexibility — the ability to remain optimistic and, at the same time, realistic:  . . . . . Leaders who display dispositional flexibility (or personality-related flexibility) operate from a place of optimism grounded in realism and openness. They will acknowledge a bad situation but simultaneously visualize a better future. They are neither blindly positive nor pessimistic and defeatist. Ambiguity is well-tolerated. Dispositionally flexible leaders see change as an opportunity rather than as a threat or danger. By learning and practicing behaviors that boost your cognitive, emotional, and dispositional flexibility, you can become more adaptable and, in turn, help others to adapt.

Cognitive Flexibility: Meaning & Ways to develop

Cognitive flexibility refers to our ability to disengage from one task and respond to another or think about multiple concepts at the same time. Someone who is cognitively flexible will be able to learn more quickly, solve problems more creatively, and adapt and respond to new situations more effectively, which is why it’s so important in both educational settings and the workplace. Building your cognitive flexibility is a great way to develop professionally and keep up with the ever-changing work environment of the future. Some ways in which this can be done are:

A) Alter our everyday routine: . . . . . For instance, if we are accustomed to taking the same route to work each day, look for a different route or consider taking the bus instead of driving ourselves. If you usually get your exercise at the gym, change things up by running in the park or going for a bike ride. Even making the smallest of changes like sitting at a new spot at the dinner table or using our left hand to brush our teeth instead of our right can help us build and strengthen new neural pathways.

B) Seek out new experiences: . . . . . Each time we experience something out of the ordinary or learn something new, the brain creates new synaptic connections. New and interesting experiences have also been shown to trigger the release of dopamine, which not only increases motivation but also enhances memory and learning. So going out of our way to experience new things or engage in novel activities can go a long way towards helping us develop cognitive flexibility. This might mean travelling to another country or volunteering in a new industry, but it could also take the form of activities like learning a new language or musical instrument, taking a dance class, or even exploring a part of town we are not familiar with.

C) Practice thinking creatively: . . . . . . Another way to build cognitive flexibility is to make an effort to think in unconventional and creative ways or practice divergent thinking. Divergent thinking usually occurs in a spontaneous and free-flowing manner and involves thinking in terms of unlimited possibilities rather than a limited set of choices.

D) Don’t always take the easy way: . . . . . . . These days we have technology and apps that make our lives easier in countless ways, from spell check and autocorrect to GPS. But the truth is that making things easier for ourselves isn’t always the best thing for our cognitive flexibility. Research shows that introducing so-called “desirable difficulties” can lead to deeper learning, so by making a point of not always choosing the easiest way of doing things, we can keep our mind sharp and even learn through our everyday experiences. For instance, if you’re driving to an area you’re not familiar with, try to navigate your way using a map and asking for directions rather than using your GPS, or instead of reaching for your phone the minute you need to make a calculation, grab a pen and paper, and do it the old-fashioned way.

E) Go out of our way to meet new people: . . . . . Meeting people from different cultures and walks of life whose perspectives and viewpoints are likely to differ from our own can help us to be less rigid in our way of thinking and accept that there may be more than one “right” way of looking at things. Research shows that people who are exposed to situations that challenge their ideas about what’s right and wrong tend to have greater cognitive flexibility. So make an effort to meet people outside of our normal social circles, whether that means travelling abroad, volunteering, teaching, or connecting with people through social media.

F) Transfer our learning: . . . . . Learning to transfer what we have learned in one context into a new context can be a great exercise in cognitive flexibility, because it forces us to form new connections between previously unconnected networks of knowledge and think more creatively. Without the ability to transfer skills and knowledge to new contexts, our learning won’t have as great an impact. If we want to develop our ability to transfer knowledge, research shows that explaining a new concept in our own words not only helps us identify any incorrect assumptions, but also helps us to generalise a concept for future application. Once we are sure we understand the concept, we can look for ways to apply it in real-world situations.

G) Challenge our morals: . . . . . . Seeking out experiences that test our morals and expose us to a variety of beliefs, values, and expectations can give us a better understanding of culturally different perspectives and help us become more flexible in our thinking. Even if we don’t necessarily agree with someone’s point of view or belief system, being cognitively flexible means we will be able to think about why they might see things that way and understand their point of view. This ability will make it easier for us to communicate with people, resolve conflicts, and adapt your thinking to various situations. Of course, travel is one way to challenge our way of thinking, but even just reading about moral dilemmas and thinking about them critically can help us develop in this area.

Tips for Flexible Leaders

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

OVERTHINKING: COGNITIVE MANIFESTATIONS

Thoughts are powerful. They become reality. Whatever we hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what we will experience in life. All humans have patterns to their behaviour. These patterns develop over time based on life experiences. And just as patterns are learned, they can also be unlearned.

What Is Overthinking?

The classic overthinking definition is, “to think about something too much or for too long.” While it’s human nature to think things through when making a decision or evaluating a situation, it becomes overthinking when you can’t get out of your own head, worrying about the future or ruminating about the past. Overthinking a tough decision that needs to be made can also cause problems. Replaying all the options in the head can lead to “paralysis by analysis”.

Why Do We Overthink?

Often overthinking is a by-product of anxiety or depression. Often overthinking only materializes when we need to make a tough life decision or when we are dealing with insecurities. If overthinking is not a symptom of a deeper emotional issue, it can often be addressed by changing thoughts and mindsets.

How To Stop Overthinking

Know that overthinking and problem solving aren’t the same thing:
Constantly ruminating and going over scenarios and possibilities often disguises itself as problem solving. It feels like doing something good and useful. Recognize when you’re overthinking something, don’t act like it’s problem solving, and press fast-forward.

Remember the 90-10 rule:
This is a formula, a ratio, for how to value ourselves, based on 90 percent self-worth, 10 percent assigned worth. Ninety percent should come from self-acceptance and self-appreciation, and just 10 percent from external validation. Overthinkers distort the formula, even reversing it by acting like 90 percent of their worth comes from what others think or say. So they worry, which takes the form of overthinking.  

Reopen the door only when new information knocks:
Overthinking goes into overdrive when we keep revisiting decisions we make, refusing to close the door on a call that has been made. Believe that you’ve done your due diligence, and revisit something you’ve already decided only when you’re presented with new information.

Assume good intent:
Overthinkers read too much into things. They are assuming something bad lies underneath, something like a bad perception, someone wishing them ill, or an unfavourable outcome. When this happens, switch the assumption to what is well-intended, or at least neutral.

Embrace informed ignorance and uncertainty:
We can’t read the future, we can’t read minds, and we can’t know everything. When we don’t know something, we tend to fill in the blanks, often with worthless assumptions. One of human tendencies is that we would rather be unhappy than uncertain. These assumptions can take many forms, all infusing themselves into the inner monologue of the overthinker. Try to replace “what if” with “we’ll see.” Another way to handle uncertainty could be the OAR:

1. Observe uncertainty, don’t overreact to it.
2. Acknowledge the presence of uncertainty and accept that impermanence is inevitable.
3. Realize that uncertainty brings benefits, like unleashing creativity and resilience.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

Stop framing the unremarkable as catastrophic:
This means stop taking small details and turning them into questionable conclusions. We often feel the need to overthink because we simply fear being wrong. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. Ask yourself in such moments what the realistic cost of being wrong is. When you can lower the stakes, you raise your ability to get mentally unstuck.

Put things into a wider perspective.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life. So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself: Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks? Widening the perspective by using this simple question can quickly snap us out of overthinking and help to let go of that situation. Get outside it and switch gears to connect with what’s going on around you so you can take joy in it.

Set short time-limits for decisions.
If we do not have a time-limit for when we must make a decision and take action then it can just keep turning our thoughts around and around for a very long time. Setting deadlines for when to complete the decision and spring into action can help to work around this.

Realize that you cannot control everything:
Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you don’t risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool. But those things are a part of living a life where we truly stretch our comfort zone. Stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance. This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

Spend more of your time in the present moment:
By being in the present moment in our everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in our mind we can replace more and more of the time we usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead. Some ways that can help to reconnect with the present moment are:

1. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example.
2. Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought (for example, by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP), then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you.

Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.
Our social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to us in real life, but also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in our life. So think about the sources in life that encourages and tends to create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you. Find ways to spend more time and attention with the people and input that have a positive effect on our thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa