PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY- (CHAPTER 02)

***Continued from Chapter 01 (Covered previously: Diwali & Family Ties, Bowen Family Systems, Three out of the eight concepts of the Bowen Theory Views)

Link to Chapter 01:

PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY -CHAPTER 01

04: Family Projection Process

Children inherit many types of problems (as well as strengths) through the relationships with their parents, but the problems they inherit that most affect their lives are relationship sensitivities such as heightened needs for attention and approval, difficulty in dealing with expectations, the tendency to blame oneself or others, feeling responsible for the happiness of others or that others are responsible for one’s own happiness, and acting impulsively to relieve the anxiety of the moment rather than tolerating anxiety and acting thoughtfully. The projection process follows three steps:

These steps of scanning, diagnosing, and treating begin early in the child’s life and continue. The child grows to embody the fears and perceptions of the parent.

Example:- . . . parents perceive their child to have low self-esteem, they repeatedly try to affirm the child, and the child’s self-esteem grows dependent on their affirmation.

Parents often feel they have not given enough love, attention, or support to a child’s manifesting problems, but they have invested more time, energy, and worry in this child than in other siblings. The siblings less involved in the family projection process have a more mature and reality-based relationship with their parents that fosters the siblings developing into less needy, less reactive, and more goal-directed people. The mother is usually the primary caretaker and more prone than the father to excessive emotional involvement with one or more of the children. The father typically occupies the outside position in the parental triangle, except during periods of heightened tension in the mother-child relationship.

05: Multigenerational Transmission Process

This describes how small differences in the levels of differentiation between parents and their offspring lead over many generations to marked differences in differentiation among the members of a multigenerational family. The information creating these differences is transmitted across generations through relationships. The transmission occurs on several interconnected levels ranging from the conscious teaching and learning of information to the automatic and unconscious programming of emotional reactions and behaviours.

The combination of parents actively shaping the development of their offspring, offspring innately responding to their parents’ moods, attitudes, and actions, and the long dependency period of human offspring results in people developing levels of differentiation of self that is similar to their parents’ levels. The next step in the multigenerational transmission process is people predictably selecting mates with levels of differentiation that match their own. As these processes repeat over multiple generations, the differences between family lines grow increasingly marked.

The Level of differentiation can affect longevity, marital stability, reproduction, health, educational accomplishments, and occupational successes. The highly differentiated people have unusually stable nuclear families and contribute much to society; the poorly differentiated people have chaotic personal lives and depend heavily on others to sustain them. A key implication of the multigenerational concept is that the roots of the most severe human problems as well as of the highest levels of human adaptation are generations deep.

For example:-.. . if a family programs someone to attach intensely to others and to function in a helpless and indecisive way, he/she will likely select a mate who not only attaches to him/her with equal intensity, but one who directs others and makes decisions for them.

06: Emotional Cut-off

This explains about people managing their unresolved emotional issues with parents, siblings, and other family members by reducing or totally cutting off emotional contact with them. Emotional contact can be reduced by people moving away from their families and rarely going home, or it can be reduced by people staying in physical contact with their families but avoiding sensitive issues. Relationships may look “better” if people cut-off to manage them, but the problems is dormant and not resolved. People risk making their new relationships too important.

For example:- . . .the more a man cuts off from his family of origin, the more he looks to his spouse, children, and friends to meet his needs. This makes him vulnerable to pressuring them to be certain ways for him or accommodating too much to their expectations of him out of fear of jeopardizing the relationship.

People who are cut-off may try to stabilize their intimate relationships by creating substitute “families” with social and work relationships. An unresolved attachment can take many forms.

Examples may be:-

People often look forward to going home, hoping things will be different this time, but the old interactions usually surface within hours. It may take the form of surface harmony with powerful emotional undercurrents or it may deteriorate into shouting matches and hysterics. Both the person and the family may feel exhausted even after a brief visit. It may be easier for the parents if an adult child keeps distance. The family are relieved when the person leaves.

07: Sibling Position

People who grow up in the same sibling position predictably have important common characteristics. Where a person is in the birth order in the family, has an influence on how he/she relates to her parents and siblings. Oldest children tend to gravitate to leadership positions and youngest children often prefer to be followers. The characteristics of one position are not “better” than those of another position, but are complementary. Some examples:. .

People in the same sibling position may exhibit marked differences in functioning. The concept of differentiation can explain some of the differences. For example:. . . . .. . . rather than being comfortable with responsibility and leadership, an oldest child who is anxiously focused on may grow up to be markedly indecisive and highly reactive to expectations. Consequently, his younger brother may become a “functional oldest,” filling a void in the family system. He is the chronologically younger child, but develops more characteristics of an oldest child than his older brother. Middle children may exhibit the functional characteristics of two sibling positions.

The sibling positions of a person’s parents are also important to consider. An oldest child whose parents are both youngests’ encounters a different set of parental expectations than an oldest child whose parents are both oldests’.

08: Societal Emotional Process

Each concept in Bowen theory applies to nonfamily groups, such as work and social organizations. The concept of societal emotional process describes how the emotional system governs behaviour on a societal level, promoting both progressive and regressive periods in a society. Cultural forces are important in how a society functions but are insufficient for explaining the ebb and flow in how well societies adapt to the challenges that face them.

In times of regression (like the current pandemic), people act to relieve the anxiety of the moment rather than act on principle and a long-term view. A regressive pattern began unfolding in society after World War II. It worsened some during the 1950s and rapidly intensified during the 1960s. The “symptoms” of societal regression include a growth of crime and violence, an increasing divorce rate, a more litigious attitude, a greater polarization between racial groups, less principled decision-making by leaders, the drug abuse epidemic, an increase in bankruptcy, and a focus on rights over responsibilities. Human societies undergo periods of regression and progression in their history.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY -CHAPTER 01

Diwali, also known as the Festival of Lights, symbolizes the spiritual “victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance”.  Celebrations are wonderful ways in which our deep physical, social and psychological needs are met. The family is an important institution that plays a crucial role in the lives of most Indians. In this era of nuclear families, where we experience clashes and misunderstanding on multiple occasions, the survival and dignified growth of family relationships becomes a concern.

Diwali & The Four Life Stages – Varnashrama Dharma

Diwali is not only a festival of lights but also the festival of family relations and celebration. In Ancient India, for the optimum fulfilment, satisfaction and peace in one’s life, the stages of life were discussed as the ‘ashramas’ or ‘Varnashrama Dharma’.

The Varnashrama Dharma system consists of four age-based life stages discussed in Indian texts of the ancient and medieval eras. The child begins his or her life with Brahmacharya stage as a student, then progresses to the Grihastha stage of a householder, then retires to Vanaprastha stage and finally accepts the Sanyasa stage of renunciation.

The Grihastha Ashrama stage (after the marriage of an individual) is considered the most important of all stages in the social, cultural and economic context, as human beings not only pursued a virtuous life, they produced food and wealth that sustained people in other stages of life, as well as, the offspring, that continued mankind. This stage is also where the most intense physical, sexual, emotional, occupational, social and material attachments exist in a human beings life.

Almost all the festivals in India are concentrated around this concept of celebration with family and friends. However, Diwali celebrates the Grihastha stage to the fullest sense by focusing on the multiple aspects and qualities of it, highlighting the need to enjoy and appreciate each member of the family with deserving importance and their mutual bonding with other members of the family. It is almost a complete compendium of coordination of members of family, respect towards each other, love, affection, care and sharing, human values of forgiving, gratitude and humility.

Diwali helps us to seamlessly transmit family values and find our place in the circle of life. Coming together to celebrate a festive occasion reinforces family relationships, provides ample opportunities for bonding and nourishes emotional attachments. Happy memories become positive inner resources that help to calm the mind – they release the feel-good chemicals in the brain. Creating happy memories helps us remember the good times more than the bad ones.

The Bowen Family Systems Theory

The Bowen family systems theory was developed by psychiatrist and researcher Dr Murray Bowen (1913–90). In recent years Bowen’s concept of ‘differentiation of self’ — which describes differing levels of maturity in relationships — has been shown by researchers to be related to important areas of well-being, including marital fulfilment, and the capacity to handle stress, make decisions and manage social anxiety.

Bowen’s theory lends a perspective to understand the variations in how different people manage similarly stressful circumstances. The theory looks at our personal and relationship problems as coming from exaggerated responses, to sensing a threat to family harmony and that of other groups. Some examples from daily life:

Bowen’s concept of ‘differentiation of self’ forms the basis of a systems understanding of maturity. The concept of differentiation refers to the ability to think as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others. It describes the varying capacity each person has to balance their emotions and their intellect, and to balance their need to be attached with their need to be a separate self. The best way to grow a more solid self was in the relationships that make up our original families; running away from difficult family members would only add to the challenges in managing relationship upsets.

The Eight Concepts

01: Triangles

A triangle is a three-person relationship system. It is considered the building block or “molecule” of larger emotional systems because a triangle is the smallest stable relationship system. A two-person system is unstable because it tolerates little tension before involving a third person. A triangle can contain much more tension without involving another person because the tension can shift around three relationships. If the tension is too high for one triangle to contain, it spreads to a series of “interlocking” triangles. Spreading the tension can stabilize a system, but nothing gets resolved.

A triangle creates an odd man out, which can be a difficult position for individuals to tolerate. Anxiety generated by anticipating, being, or by being the odd man out is a potent force in triangles. The patterns in a triangle change with increasing tension. In calm periods, two people are comfortably close “insiders” and the third person is an uncomfortable “outsider.” The insiders actively exclude the outsider, and the outsider works to get closer to one of them. Someone is always uncomfortable in a triangle and pushing for change. The insiders solidify their bond by choosing each other in preference to the less desirable outsider.

People’s actions in a triangle reflect their efforts to assure their emotional attachments to important others, their reactions to too much intensity in the attachments, and their taking sides in others’ conflicts. When someone chooses another person over oneself, it arouses particularly intense feelings of rejection. If mild to moderate tension develops between the insiders, the most uncomfortable one will move closer to the outsider. One of the original insiders now becomes the new outsider and the original outsider is now an insider.

At a high level of tension, the outside position becomes the most desirable. If severe conflict erupts between the insiders, one insider opts for the outside position by getting the current outsider fighting with the other insider. If the manoeuvring insider is successful, he gains the more comfortable position of watching the other two people fight. When the tension and conflict subside, the outsider will try to regain an inside position.

Examples:

02: Differentiation of Self

Families and other social groups tremendously affect how people think, feel, and act, but individuals vary in their susceptibility to a “groupthink” and groups vary in the amount of pressure they exert for conformity. These differences between individuals and between groups reflect differences in people’s levels of differentiation of self. The less developed a person’s “self,” the more impact others have on her/his functioning and the more she/he tries to control, actively or passively, the functioning of others.

The basic building blocks of a “self” are inborn, but an individual’s family relationships during childhood and adolescence primarily determine how much “self” he develops. Once established, the level of “self” rarely changes unless a person makes a structured and long-term effort to change it.

People with a poorly differentiated “self” depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others that either they quickly adjust what they think, say, and do to please others or they dogmatically proclaim what others should be like and pressure them to conform. An extreme rebel is a poorly differentiated person too, but she/he pretends to be a “self” by routinely opposing the positions of others.

People with a well-differentiated “self” are able to recognize their realistic dependence on others, and can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection. They can distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts, from thinking clouded by emotionality. Thoughtfully acquired principles help guide decision-making about important family and social issues, making them less at the mercy of the feelings of the moment. What they decide and what they say matches what they do. They can act selflessly, but their acting in the best interests of the group is a thoughtful choice, not a response to relationship pressures.

03: Nuclear Family Emotional Process

The concept of the nuclear family emotional system describes four basic relationship patterns that govern where problems develop in a family. The forces primarily driving them are part of the emotional system. The tension level depends on the stress a family encounters, how a family adapts to stress, and on a family’s connection with extended family and social networks. Tension increases the activity of one or more of the four relationship patterns. Where symptoms develop depends on which patterns are most active. The four basic relationship patterns are:

The more anxiety one person or one relationship absorbs, the less other people must absorb. This means that some family members maintain their functioning at the expense of others. People do not want to hurt each other, but when anxiety chronically dictates behaviour, someone usually suffers for it.

***To be continued in Chapter 02 (Points 04 to 08) Link to Chapter -02:

PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY- (CHAPTER 02)

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

SOCIAL PROXIMITY: OUR LINKS TO PROXIMITY AND BEHAVIOURS ASSOCIATED

Do we like someone more if they stand closer to us? Imagine we are the only person in an elevator when the door opens and someone walks in and stands right next to us.  Uncomfortable is likely an understatement to describe how we would feel.  But are there other circumstances in which a stranger can get that close to us and elicit not alarm bells of warning, but feelings of warmth? According to research, the answer is yes.

In today’s world, we are mindful of social distance expectations, whether cultural, social, or preventive post-pandemic.  We are also aware of personal boundaries, and the reality that different people have different comfort zones, and do not appreciate “space invaders.”  Yet in some situations, it appears that proximity can have a positive effect on first impressions, quality of interaction, and even generosity. 

Research demonstrates that closer physical distance increases compliance with a request from a stranger on the street.  Many of us are familiar with this phenomenon.  As we pass people on the street for example, whether selling balloons, pens, or seeking to register people to vote, we might behave differently when approached physically, versus called out verbally from someone sitting behind a table.

In addition to a social distance sweet spot, depending on whether the speaker is too far or too close to us, our reaction might also depend on group membership. People seated alone in public are more likely to comply with a request from an in-group member over an out-group member at close and medium distances, but not at a far distance.  The rationale suggested that out-group members create more interpersonal anxiety at close range, which decreases compliance; distance decreases this effect. 

Research also indicates that there may be a link between proximity and generosity, specifically, the impact of interpersonal distance between customers and servers on tipping behavior. A range of behaviors have been known to generate better tips, like, squatting down next to the table, drawing a smiley face on the back of the check, mimicking patron nonverbal behavior, and introducing themselves by name. Therefore, proximity might actually enhance the perception, and productivity of interpersonal interaction.

Proximity and familiarity

Proximity means geographical closeness. An obvious and basic requirement for forming a relationship is that the people involved need to be geographically close enough to have opportunities to interact with each other. We may find a certain film star very attractive but if we never get the chance to meet them or talk to them then we will have no chance of forming a relationship. If we examine friendship patterns of people living in blocks of flats then they will be much more likely to be friendly with the people who live near them on the same floor than with people living on different floors just because they have more opportunities to meet and get to know each other.

Similarly people are more likely to form friendships at work with the people working near them and students will be more likely to form friendships with people studying the same subject and attending the same classes. Having more chances to interact with another person means that we become more familiar with that person and numerous studies have shown that we prefer people who are familiar to us rather than strangers. This is known as the ‘mere exposure effect’ (Robert Zajonc, 1968) which states that the more often we are exposed to a stimulus whether it is a sound, picture or person the more positively we will rate that stimulus.

So how do brands or companies use this phenomenon to their advantage? One of the greatest examples of this is the ongoing rivalry between Coca-Cola and Pepsi. In 1975, Pepsi conducted a blind taste test, which found that most consumers preferred the taste of Pepsi to Coke. In response to these results, Coke invested millions in market research to produce “New Coke,” a novel beverage designed using a sweeter formula, to replace the original Coke. The product was not well received by consumers and sales dropped. Within months, the original Coke had been brought back as “Coca-Cola Classic” and new beverage was dropped.

However, when Coke later produced their own taste test experiment they failed to consider the impact that advertising had on consumers. Though consumers did hold a preference for the taste of Pepsi, their constant exposure and familiarity with the classic red and white brand actually resulted in more consumers choosing Coke over Pepsi. This effect has been referred to as the “Pepsi Paradox,” described by Lone Frank in Scientific American.

Impact Of Proximity When Under Threat

From a biological standpoint, responding to potential threats as if they were clear and present dangers is typically adaptive. Imagine, for example, a hiker who encounters a curved object behind a log on the hiking path. It is far better—for the purpose of survival—to treat a benign twig as a snake and generate a defensive reaction than to ignore a potentially dangerous snake and continue walking blithely along the path. In a similar manner, people tend to represent perceived threatening objects as more physically immediate.

For example, people who have a cockroach phobia are more likely to perceive a cockroach as physically larger and moving more quickly towards them compared to those who are less fearful of it. Also, anxiety-prone people perceive negative emotional stimuli as if seen from a closer perspective. Perceived threats reduce body motion, decrease heart rate and increase anxiety in humans—the same physiological reactions found in animals (i.e., freezing) when threatened by predators. These sorts of responses are typically adaptive because they trigger a cascade of reactions that prepare the body for appropriate action (Flight or Fight).

The Function Of Intergroup Apology.

Building a wall between workgroups is a costly and contentious activity. A significantly less costly, and more socially constructive option for reducing threat-induced proximity is apology. An interpersonal apology reduces the desire for retribution and increase forgiveness. However, the link between intergroup apology and forgiveness is still being debated. The weakness of the intergroup apology-forgiveness link may be due, in part, to intergroup friendships.

It has been long established that contact, particularly high quality cross-group friendship, promotes positive intergroup relations. However, the perceived severity of a transgression may be worse when victims have cross-group friends. This is because it may be especially painful to be harmed by those considered a friend. Research confirms that harm originating from close others heightens a sense of betrayal, which undermines forgiveness.

Physical Proximity, Serendipity And Collaboration

Physical proximity may foster the formation of collaborative relationships by generating an obligation to interact cued by the sensory presence of another person. This means that even employees who may not want to interact find it difficult to avoid the social obligation to engage in a chance encounter when in the presence of others.

There is also research that shows that physical proximity may inhibit collaboration by causing employees to socially withdraw. For example, employees who moved from enclosed to open offices to promote collaboration, identified a 70% decrease in face-to-face interaction. Rather than promoting chance encounters, too much proximity, such as in a crowded open-plan office, can trigger conflict, facilitate territorial behaviours and undermine collegiality. In this respect, physical proximity may fail to promote collaboration when employees feel disengaged from their organization, fail to communicate and/or identify with their colleagues.

Serendipity – defined as a ‘search, with unintended discovery’– relates to the combination of prior knowledge, purposeful action and favourable accident that facilitates new discoveries. Another way to interpret it is that ‘chance favors the prepared mind’. The research on the role of chance encounters and social obligation in fostering collaboration indicate that an equal role for chance in the form of favourable accidents and search in the form of directed effort may aid in better collaboration.

Thus employees can actively facilitate serendipitous discoveries (and perhaps encounters) through a display of flexibility such as remaining open to new experiences, actively searching for information, paying attention to their environment, challenging the status quo and capitalizing on their social networks to make the most of surprises. Organizations can enhance serendipity by creating work conditions that combine constraint and freedom and through practices such as role rotation, and team-working that expose employees to diverse perspectives.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa