WORK ETHOS & PRINCIPLES: BEHAVIOURS ASSOCIATED

A Story: The Work Ethic of Albert Einstein

Einstein’s most famous contribution to science, the general theory of relativity, was published in 1915. He won the Nobel Prize in 1921. Yet, rather than assume he was a finished product, Einstein continued to work and contribute to the field for 40 more years. Up until the moment of his death, Albert Einstein continued to squeeze every ounce of greatness out of himself. He never rested on his laurels. He continued to work even through severe physical pain and in the face of death.

Einstein died of internal bleeding caused by the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm. One physician familiar with Einstein’s case wrote, “For a number of years he had suffered from attacks of upper abdominal pain, which usually lasted for 2-3 days and were often accompanied by vomiting. These attacks usually occurred about every 3 or 4 months.” Einstein continued to work despite the pain. He published papers well into the 1950s. Even on the day of his death in 1955, he was working on a speech he was scheduled to give on Israeli television, and he brought the draft of it with him to the hospital. The speech draft was never finished.

When Ralph Morse (a photographer for LIFE Magazine) walked into Einstein’s office, he snapped a photo of the desk where Albert Einstein had been working just hours before. Nobody knew it yet, but Einstein’s body would be cremated before anyone could capture a final photo of him. As a result, Morse’s photo of Einstein’s desk would soon become the final iconic image of the great scientist’s career.

Everyone has a gift to share with the world, something that both lights us on fire internally and serves the world externally, and this thing–this calling–should be something we pursue until our final breath. Whatever it is for us, our lives were meant to be spent making our contribution to the world, not merely consuming the world that others create.

Hours before his death, Einstein’s doctors proposed trying a new and unproven surgery as a final option for extending his life. Einstein simply replied, “I have done my share, it is time to go. I will do it elegantly.” We cannot predict the value our work will provide to the world. That is fine. It is not our job to judge our own work. It is our job to create it, to pour ourselves into it, and to master our craft as best we can. We all have the opportunity to squeeze every ounce of greatness out of ourselves that we can. We all have the chance to do our share.

How Do Prisoners of War Stay Alive?

Prisoners of war who have managed to survive the most brutal conditions will often claim one of the most important factors in survival is not food or water, but a sense of dignity and self–worth. In other words, the only thing that keeps some men alive in the direst of circumstances is the belief that they are worthy of being alive. Applying this to our daily lives, it makes sense that longevity would be prevalent in cultures where contribution is baked into everyday life.

For example, let’s take a culture where it’s common to go to the neighbour’s house and talk each night. During a face–to–face conversation, we have to either contribute or sit silently in the corner like a weirdo. The act of contributing to a conversation, no matter how simple it seems, allows us to derive a small sense of self–worth. Being a meaningful part of a conversation makes us feel like were a worthwhile part of the neighbour’s life. When we add up all of the small contributions to the many conversations over the years, it’s easy to see how we can develop a strong sense of self–worth when we live in a culture where contribution is typical.

Contributing vs. Consuming

We alter the course of other’s lives by what we create and contribute. When we speak or write or act, we influence the people around us. When we contribute something to the world, we matter. And thus the act of creating enhances our feelings of self–worth.

That is often lost online as it is becoming increasingly easy to spend our time consuming rather than contributing. Most of the time on those devices and networks is spent consuming what someone else has created rather than contributing our own ideas and work. The result, I believe, is that our sense of self–worth slowly dwindles.

These contributions don’t have to be major endeavours. Cooking a meal instead of buying one. Playing a game instead of watching one. Writing a paragraph instead of reading one. We do not have to create big contributions, but just need to live out small ones each day.

Too often we spend our lives visiting the world instead of shaping it. We can be an adventurer, an inventor, an entrepreneur, an artist. Contributing and creating doesn’t just make us feel alive, it keeps us alive.

Elements of A Strong Work Ethic

But when can we describe our work ethic to be good and strong? Some elements that serve as a solid foundation for a strong work ethic are:

Integrity: . . . . . . . . Its greatest impact is seen in our relationships with the people around us, which is why integrity is seen as one of the most important ingredients of Trust. According to Robert Shaw, you can earn a certain level of trust if you are able to achieve results while demonstrating concern for others and acting with integrity the whole time. Hence, the formula:

Acting with integrity, in this context, also means behaving in a consistent manner. For example, if we are part of a team, our behaviour should be in tune with everyone, in accordance with a clear set of guidelines in working together toward a clear purpose.

Emphasis on Quality of Work: . . . . . . . . If we show dedication and commitment to coming up with very good results in our work, then our work ethic will definitely shine.

While some employees do only the barest minimum, or what is expected of them, there are those who go beyond that. They do more, they perform better, and they definitely go the extra mile to come up with results that surpass expectations. Clearly, these employees are those who belong to the group with a solid work ethic.

Professionalism: . . . . . . . . The word “professionalism” is often perceived as something that is too broad or wide in scope, covering everything from our appearance to how we conduct ourselves in the presence of other people. It is so broad and seemingly all-encompassing that many even go so far as to say that professionalism equates having a solid work ethic.

Discipline: . . . . . . . .Work ethic is something that emanates from within. We can tell someone to do this and that, be like this and like that, over and over, but if they do not have enough discipline to adhere to the rules and follow through with their performance, then there is no way that they can become the productive employees that the company wants.

Sense of Responsibility: . . . . . . . . The moment we became part of the organization and were assigned tasks and duties, we have a responsibility that we must fulfil. If we have a strong work ethic, we will be concerned with ensuring that we are able to fulfil our duties and responsibilities. We will also feel inclined to do our best if we want to get the best results.

Sense of Teamwork: . . . . . . . . As an employee, we are part of an organization. We are simply one part of a whole, which means we have to work with other people. If we are unable to do so, this will put our work ethic into question. Work ethic is also continuously shaped by relationships, specifically on how we are able to handle them in achieving goals, whether shared or individual.

Other traits of good work ethics include:

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

COMPASSION TRAINING: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED IN CULTIVATING COMPASSION – (CHAPTER 02)

***Continued from Chapter 01 (Covered previously: What is compassion, differentiation from pity, sympathy, empathy, love, etc., Orientations of compassion)

Link to Chapter 01:

COMPASSION TRAINING: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED IN CULTIVATING COMPASSION- (CHAPTER 01)

How Can We Best Cultivate Compassion?

A growing body of evidence suggests that, at our core, most humans have a natural capacity for compassion. Infants too young to have learned the rules of politeness spontaneously engaged in helpful behaviour without a promise of reward, and would even overcome obstacles to do so. Despite this, everyday stress, social pressures and life experiences, in general, can make it difficult to experience and fully express compassion to ourselves and to others. Fortunately, we also have the capacity to nurture and cultivate a more compassionate outlook.

Cultivating compassion is more than experiencing empathy or concern for others. It develops the strength to cope with suffering, to take compassionate action, and the resilience to prevent compassion fatigue – an extreme state of tension and preoccupation with the suffering of others. These qualities support a wide range of goals, from improving personal relationships to making a positive difference in the world.

There are at least six current empirically-supported (Research Based) )interventions that focus on the cultivation of compassion:

A) Compassion-Focused Therapy: . . . . . . . . . . This focuses on two psychologies of compassion. The first is a motivation to engage with suffering, and the second is focused on action, specifically acting to help alleviate and prevent suffering. It is an integrated and multi-modal approach concerned with alleviating the sense of shame and high levels of self-criticism we often experience.

B) Mindful Self-Compassion: . . . . . . . . . . This was developed as a program to help cultivate self-compassion, that is treating ourselves with the same kindness, concern, and support we would show to a good friend. This combines the skills of mindfulness and self-compassion to enhance our capacity for emotional well-being. Its emphasis is on distinguishing between the inner critic and compassionate-self.

C) Compassion Cultivation Training: . . . . . . . . . . It draws its theoretical underpinnings from contemplative practices of Tibetan Buddhism and Western psychology. It delivers training in compassion practices across six steps:

D) Cognitively-Based Compassion Training: . . . . . . . . . . This draws from what is known as ‘lojong’ in Indo-Tibetan Buddhism and coaches practitioners to cultivate compassion through simple contemplative practices. It incorporates mindfulness and cognitive restructuring strategies to encourage a shift of perspective through reflection about ourselves and our relationship to others.

E) Cultivating Emotional Balance: . . . . . . . . . . This is based on Western scientific research on emotions, and traditional Eastern contemplative practices and is aimed at building emotional balance. Here there is an emphasis on understanding emotions and being able to recognize the emotions of others. It is an educational training method that creates pathways to compassion by training and teaching individuals to recognize the suffering of others and of oneself, and to tolerate the distress more effectively through learning new ways of managing emotions.

F) Compassion Meditations and Loving-Kindness Meditations: . . . . . . . . . .These are often combined and practiced together in compassion-based interventions to help settle the mind, increase compassion to self and others, and to improve mental health. They are meditations during which the aim is to express goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others by silently repeating a series of mantras. Both practices involve a structured approach where individuals can learn to direct caring feelings towards oneself, then towards loved ones, then towards acquaintances, then towards strangers, then towards someone with whom one experiences interpersonal difficulties, and finally towards all living beings without distinction.

Can Compassion Be Measured?

Existing research based popular psychometric instruments (questionnaires) that are used in the measurement of compassion are mentioned below. Each has its own varying validity and focuses on different aspects of compassion.

1. Compassionate love scale
   • Intended for the general population
   • Consists of two forms: one relating to close family and friends, and one focusing on humanity as a whole.
2. Santa Clara brief compassion scale
   • Examines compassion in relation to strangers
3. The compassion scale
   • Provides measure of compassion across domains that could be strengthened through guided coaching.
4. Self-compassion scale
   • Does not include items specifically relating to being attentive to how one is feeling.
5. The compassion scale (Pommier)
   • Based on the theory compassion consists of kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity.
6. Relational compassion scale
   • Measures compassion for others, for themselves, their beliefs about how compassionate people are to one another, and their beliefs about how compassionate other people are towards them.
7. Compassionate care assessment tool
   • This tool is completed by receivers in relation to their caregivers.
8. The Schwartz Center compassionate care scale
   • Measures receivers’ ratings of compassionate care received from their caregivers.

Ways to Build and Cultivate Compassion in Daily Routines

The aim of these exercises and activities is to cultivate compassion in whatever state you currently occupy.

• Begin each day with compassion in mind
• Volunteer: . . . Donating our time to a worthwhile cause is just one of the ways we can actively show compassion to others.
• Actively listen: . . .Being fully present and truly listening to others. Listening provides relief to those in a world that can be indifferent to suffering.
• Have a self-compassion break – Taking a self-compassion break to help bring the important aspects of compassion to mind when you need it most. Example: Think of a situation that is causing us stress and tell ourselves ‘I am struggling in this moment and that’s ok’, ‘I am not alone’, and offering ourselves soothing words of acceptance.
• Ask ourselves- ‘How would I treat a friend?’ – We are often more critical and judgmental about our own struggles than those of others. How would we treat a friend experiencing hard times? Why treat ourselves any differently?
• Practicing mindfulness – Mindfulness is the process of bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment and develops the ability to recognize distress in ourselves while encouraging emotional balance in the face of adversity.
• Keeping a compassion journal –to record the moments we experienced compassion, anything we felt bad about, and anything we judged ourselves harshly for. Write down some kind, understanding words of comfort.
• Commonalities – Rather than focusing on how we differ from others, we can try instead to recognize what we have in common. Reflect on the commonalities we have with everyone else – we are all connected to the larger human experience.
• Guided meditation – Compassion meditation and related practices can have many positive outcomes, including increasing self-compassion and other-focused compassion
• Write a compassion letter to ourselves. Example: Think of something that tends to make us feel bad about ourselves. Now imagine an unconditionally loving and compassionate friend who can see all our strengths and weaknesses. Write a letter to ourself from the perspective of this friend, focusing on the perceived inadequacy we tend to judge ourselves for. What would this friend say from the perspective of unlimited compassion? After writing the letter, put it down for a little while. Then come back to it and read it again, really letting the words sink in.
• The Eastern wisdom practice of Tonglen – take a moment to imagine all the people in the world who may be struggling in the same way that we are. Inhale and think of how we are experiencing the same feelings as others are. Exhale and focus on the compassion we feel both for ourself and for others.

We often consider some people to be more compassionate than others, but we have the potential to adopt a more compassionate outlook through training and deliberate practice. While it may be challenging, the cultivation of compassion is undeniably beneficial – to us and to those around us.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

COMPASSION TRAINING: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED IN CULTIVATING COMPASSION- (CHAPTER 01)

What is Compassion Training?

Compassion is an ever-growing area of interest within psychology and psychotherapy. Definitions of compassion within psychology are varied and divergent, with some researchers considering it to be an emotion, a biologically based characteristic, or a multidimensional construct. There is, however, a broad agreement that compassion is comprised of a combination of affective, cognitive, and motivational components. A simple statement is that compassion is a concern for the wellbeing of others. A panel of researchers in 2012 defined compassion as a complex multidimensional construct comprised of four components:

Differentiating Compassion From Related Constructs

Compassion is often misunderstood and easily confused with other related but distinct constructs. While it is important to define compassion, it is equally important to define what it is not. Some of these differing constructs are:

Empathy: . . . . . . . . . . Unlike compassion, empathy does not incorporate the readiness to act in order to relieve the suffering of others, rather it is the ability to understand another’s feelings and become one with that person’s distress. Empathy is described as the capacity to be affected by and share the emotional state of another and identify with the other, adopting his or her perspective.

Sympathy: . . . . . . . . . . . . Similarly, sympathy is the feeling of care and concern for someone which is often accompanied by a wish to see them happier. Sympathy is the experience of feeling sorrow for someone else’s misfortune but not necessarily a shared perspective or shared emotions. With compassion, there is recognition of the other person’s emotional state and a desire to act in order to help.

Pity: . . . . . . . . . . . . Feeling pity for another is essentially an acknowledgment of their plight. Pity refers more to feeling concern for someone thought to be inferior or weaker than oneself and is by definition, rooted in a hierarchical sense of superiority over someone else. Compassion, on the other hand, does not consider the object of suffering to be weak or inferior in any way. Instead, it encourages a broader vision through common experiences.

Altruism: . . . . . . . . . . . . Altruism is acting out of concern for another person’s well-being, while compassion encapsulates an openness to experiencing suffering and responding with genuine concern, and without judgment. Compassion can exist in the absence of altruistic behaviour.

Love: . . . . . . . . . . . . Compassion is functionally distinct from the two most common forms of love; romantic love and the love of a parent for a child. The fundamental difference between the two is that compassion likely involves a complex combination of multiple positive and negative emotions. Where love is generally associated with positive affect and experiences only, compassion is about being open to the experience of suffering.

The Three Orientations of Compassion

Psychological investigations of compassion have primarily focused on three specific orientations of compassion. They are:

Receiving Compassion: . . . . . . . . . The feeling like one does not deserve kindness from others, can create a fear of receiving compassion. For some, being the recipient of compassion can cause avoidance, and negative emotions such as grief or loneliness. Improving this orientation of compassion may enhance relationships and social connectedness by coaching individuals to become more comfortable being the object of another person’s attention.

Self-Compassion: . . . . . . . . . . Self-compassion positively affects coping skills, life satisfaction, emotional intelligence, social connectedness, mastery of goals, personal initiative, curiosity, wisdom, happiness, optimism, and positive affect. A key component of self-compassion is the absence of self-criticism, which is known to be an early predictor of anxiety and depression. Self-compassionate people tend to recognize that imperfection and failure are often unavoidable, and so are more likely to be kind to themselves when confronted with negative experiences.

Compassion for Others: . . . . . . . . . .  Compassion for others is not always expressed and can actually be suppressed or inhibited. It was initially thought that self-compassion and compassion for others may be related given they have the same theoretical structure and base definition. Research has, indicated that the two may be different because:

1. Compassion is directed towards others as opposed to the self.
2. Individuals are often more compassionate to others than they are themselves.

Can Compassion Be Developed?

Compassion can be adopted at any age and involves training the mind to develop specific skills in order to relate to others and to ourselves, and making a conscious effort to think and act in a compassionate manner. While everyone has, to some degree, a level of compassion, for some it can be beneficial to develop these skills further. Fortunately, developing compassion does not require years of commitment and can actually be advanced quite rapidly.

Much of the emphasis within compassion-based training is on stimulating a more compassionate social mentality. Compassion-based training works by activating affiliative processing systems in the brain. These processing systems include the myelinated parasympathetic nervous system which helps in the regulation of our fight/flight response.

Activation of the parasympathetic system when under a perceived threat encourages a feeling of safeness and security, and allows for mentalization, that is the ability to understand our own mental state.

Compassion training focuses not only on suffering but also on supporting and encouraging compassion for the good of the self and others. Through a range of breathing, postural, imaging techniques and developing recall skills that enable the recall of experiencing compassion, individuals are given the opportunity to experience what compassion is, or could be. In essence, compassion training helps to create ideas in the mind about what can be achieved. With positive effects on mental health, emotion regulation, and interpersonal and social relationships, it is clear that developing compassion can have significant and far-reaching benefits.

***To be continued in Chapter 02 (Cultivating compassion, Measuring Compassion, Ways to build compassion in daily routines) Link to Chapter -02:

COMPASSION TRAINING: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED IN CULTIVATING COMPASSION – (CHAPTER 02)

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

BEHAVIOURAL LESSONS FROM TIGERS

What makes the Tiger such a great and fearsome creature? It is regarded as one of the most remarkable animals in the world, its appearance and majestic exoticness has made people curious about it. But what really makes the tiger tick? What are the things that makes the tiger such a great and fearsome creature?

The tiger male waits for the female and cubs to eat first:

In the “dog eat dog” world of the animal kingdom, it is not often that you find this kind of behaviour for an animal who can beat a Lion, so called king of the beasts in a one on one fight yet who still recognizes the fact that  the weakest members of the family, the females and the cubs need to be taken care of first is worthy of note. The tiger is an object lesson in the fact that your worth is not how powerful you are as an individual but how much you are willing to help in lifting up those weaker than you. The interesting thing about show of responsibility is that it is not taught. Unlike most other cats, tigers, especially males, are solitary and territorial creatures who must start fending for themselves at tender ages. The Tiger has learnt that the ability to defer, to sacrifice to put others first, to not want everything to go one’s way all the time is not a sign of weakness.

Tigers aim for large prey such as bears, rhinos and crocodiles:

Most other animals prey on smaller animals than them, house cats prey on mice, big fish prey on small fish and even Lions would go for young antelopes and Zebras rather than grown ones. Tigers however target bigger animals. Tigers will attack Rhinos, Bears, half grown elephants or sometimes swim right into a river to attack a fully grown crocodile. It is often said that no man can be considered great until he has achieved something greater than himself. Feats like this are testament to the tiger’s bravery and boldness. Where other predators see an invincible enemy, the Tiger is already seeing its next meal.

So how does the tiger manage to kill these animals, some of them who weigh as much as twice its own weight? By surprising them. A tiger lies in patient ambush and then attacks its prey and goes straight for the prey’s neck. A lot of homework is put into it. The tiger is decisive, he is clinical, he knows he has only one shot and he goes for it, before the problem has a chance to recover and become more threatening. The Tiger tackles its objective when it has the advantage before indecision paves way for failure, which leads to discouragement. It is the secret of the tiger’s greatness.

Tigers can adapt, improvise, and think on their feet:

“Be like the flowing water, forever adaptable.” Few animals exemplify this mantra more than the tiger. For example tigers normally go for their prey’s neck, but it alters its tactics when attacking a crocodile, since the crocodile’s neck is covered with armoured skin, it will not bite the crocodile, instead it will attempt to blind the crocodile with its seven inches long claws and then attempt to flip the crocodile on its back so that it can slash the its soft underbelly like a surgeon’s scalpel. Also when hunting bears, tigers have been known to mimic bears’ prey in order to lure an unsuspecting bear expecting easy food, into its jaws. In the unpredictable world we live in today, in a world where everyday presents its own unexpected obstacles the difference between a successful man and a failed one often boils down to being able to adapt, to improvise, to think on one’s feet.

Tigers rarely view humans as prey but they may attack if threatened:

It is okay to fight, if it is for a just cause. The tiger is a perfect gentleman when the occasion calls for it, but it can be a ferocious monster when defending its territory. One characteristic of living things we were taught in basic science is Irritability.  The ability, to feel, to respond to stimuli. We take it further by calling it  the ability to get angry, to fight,  in life you will face challenges, challenges that will knock you down, challenges  that will make you doubt the very things you know and the very things that you hold dear. That is when you must fight back, where you must reclaim what belongs to you. When you fall seven times, stand up eight times, that is the mark of a true warrior, a winner worthy of honour and respect. That is why the tiger is highly feared and respected.

Few creatures elicit such excitement as the tiger. Flashing stripes, killer speed, and stunning intelligence make this remarkable beast one of the gems of the animal kingdom. For ages, numerous cultures have used art and literature to illustrate just how the tiger inspires both ferociousness and fearlessness in our lives. To summarise:-

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

EFFECTIVE AND MEANINGFUL APOLOGY: BEHAVIOURS ASSOCIATED

Apologizing to those we have hurt or harmed isn’t always an easy task. There can be various obstacles in our way of doing what is right. Some are:

A)  A matter of pride: . . .   To apologize is to set aside our pride long enough to admit our imperfections. For some people, this feels far too vulnerable, too dangerous. It means they have to admit they are flawed and fallible, something they refuse to do. And apologizing also overrides our tendency to make excuses or blame others. This acceptance of responsibility for our own actions is so out of character for some that it is nearly impossible.  

B) A sign of weakness: . . .  To many, apologizing reflects weakness. These people have a tendency to need to be right and to always be seen as strong and powerful. But the truth is, apologizing for the harm you caused and taking responsibility for your mistakes can actually be seen as a sign of strength. For example, General Mark Milley recently apologized for appearing in a photo-op with President Trump. “It was a mistake,” he admitted, “I should not have been there.” For most people, hearing a top General apologize didn’t diminish him in their eyes but elevated him. The truth is, it takes strength to apologize.

C)  Fear of being shamed: . . . .  Some people have been so severely shamed in their childhood that they can’t tolerate any further shaming.  This includes admitting when they are wrong or apologizing for mistakes.

D)  The fear of consequences: . . . . . Many people fear that if they take the risk of apologizing they may be rejected. “What if he never speaks to me again,” and “What if she leaves me?” are two of our most common fears. Others fear that by apologizing they risk being exposed to others or of having their reputations ruined. “What if he tells everyone what I did?” is the common fear of those who fear this consequence. Some people fear that by admitting fault they will lose the respect of others. “What if she thinks I’m incompetent?” Still, others fear retaliation, “What if he yells at me?” “What if she tries to get revenge?” Finally, the fear of exposure or even arrest may prevent us from doing what we know we need to do. Even those who would like to apologize for wrongdoing hold back out of fear of being sued or arrested, or due to the advice of legal counsel.  

E)  A lack of awareness: . . . . . Many people don’t apologize because they are oblivious to the effect their actions have on others. They don’t apologize because they are simply unaware that they have anything to apologize for. They may be so focused on what others have done to harm them that they can’t see how they have harmed others, or they just may be so self-focused that they are unable to see the effect their behaviour has on others. 

Each person suffers in one way or another. And each of us is trying to end that suffering in any way we can. Sometimes, in a last-ditch effort to end our suffering, we choose to close off our minds or harden our hearts. When we do this, we accomplish our goal of not being able to feel our pain but we also stop being able to feel the pain of others. When this happens we act in callous, selfish, even cruel ways without even knowing it. This may give the impression that we don’t care when, in fact, we are just blind to the effects of our actions.

F)  The inability to empathize: . . . . . By far, the most significant reason why so many of us have difficulty apologizing it that we lack empathy for others, that quality that enables us to put ourselves in the place of the other person.  In order to truly apologize we need to be able to imagine how our behaviour or attitude has affected the other person. Unfortunately, many people are unable to do this. Some have to be reminded how to have empathy, others have to be taught.

Apology has the power to humble the most arrogant of people. When we are able to develop the courage to admit when we are wrong and to work past our fears and resistance to apologizing we develop a deep sense of respect for ourselves. This self-respect can, in turn, affect our self-esteem, our self-confidence and our overall outlook on life.

When I apologize to you I show you that I respect you and care about your feelings. I let you know that I did not intend to hurt you and that it is my intention to treat you fairly in the future. By accepting my apology you not only show me (and yourself) that you have a generous spirit but that you are giving me and our relationship another chance. In addition, you are reminded of your own mistakes and this in turn can encourage you to treat me and others with more respect and consideration.

What is a Meaningful Apology?

Many people need to be taught how to apologize in a way that will be heard and accepted. An effective, meaningful apology is one that communicates the three R’s: . . .

1)  A statement of regret for having caused the inconvenience, hurt, or damage.

To feel true regret we need to have empathy for the person we have harmed. This entails imagining how the other person feels and an awareness of the inconvenience, hurt, or damage that you caused the other person. Having empathy for the person you hurt or angered is actually the most important part of your apology. When you truly have empathy the other person will feel it. Your apology will wash over him or her like a healing balm. On the other hand, if you don’t have empathy your apology will sound and feel empty.

2)  An acceptance of responsibility for your actions. 

This means not blaming anyone else for what you did and not making excuses for your actions but instead accepting full responsibility.

3) A statement of your willingness to take some action to remedy the situation.

This could be either by promising to not repeat your action, a promise to work toward not making the same mistake again, a statement as to how you are going to remedy the situation or by making restitution for the damages you caused. Just saying you are sorry is insulting unless you offer reassurances that you will not do it again.

Apology is a powerful interaction that has an almost magical ability to provide healing for both the offended and the offender. Let’s not squander our opportunities to heal, grow, and change our lives and the lives of others for the better by refusing to admit our wrongs or by giving half-hearted, bumbled, or insulting apologies. 

Article Reference: The Power of Apology-  Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships, by Beverly Engel.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

LEADERSHIP & MANAGEMENT LESSONS FROM DOLPHINS

Dolphins are often regarded as one of Earth’s most intelligent animals and their behaviour has been studied extensively, both in captivity and in the wild. Dolphins are highly social animals, often living in pods (groups) of up to a dozen individuals.

Dolphins can, however, establish strong social bonds. Forms of care-giving between fellows and even for members of different species have been recorded and this altruism does not appear to be limited to their own species only. Dolphins also display culture, something long believed to be unique to humans (and possibly other primate species). Dolphins are known to communicate, teach, learn, cooperate, scheme, and grieve. They are also known to have displayed self-awareness.  

Here are a few lesser known facts about dolphins:

The Lessons in Leadership & Management:

Lesson 01: Compassion and Empathy:

Dolphins are very compassionate creatures.  Many dolphins have been observed helping the sick and injured dolphins in their pods.  Dolphins have also been seen trying to blow into a dead dolphin’s blowhole, trying to breathe life back into them and clearly show distress when a dolphin dies. 

They take care of each other.  Every dolphin in a pod is protected by the others.  They seem to know when another dolphin or even a human is in danger and will rush to their rescue without hesitation, possibly putting themselves in danger, but the safety of others comes first. Dolphins understand when other dolphins or species are vulnerable or in danger and feel compelled to help. There is plenty of evidence that show how they help the weak, hurt whales, and even surfers to reach shore.

Lesson 02:Respect for elders:

Dolphins work together to take care of and protect the juveniles and older dolphins in their pod. 

Lesson 03: Teamwork:

They also work together to find food and protect one another from the dangers around them.  Dolphins show us how the things we do can be improved by working together. 

Dolphins chase fish forcing them to form small groups, then eating the confused fish. It would be very difficult for a Dolphin to do this alone. In addition to having someone to hang out with, you’ll be better protected from predators.

Lesson 04: Protect the environment:

Dolphins only use the resources that they need and don’t do anything to cause damage to their environment. 

Lesson 05: Communication:

Dolphins communicate using a variety of clicks, whistle-like sounds and other vocalizations. Dolphins also use nonverbal communication by means of touch and posturing.

Lesson 06: Group culture- teaching and mentoring:

Scientist have discovered that Dolphins have learned to use tools and teach the younger ones how to use them.

Lesson 07: Fun with Work:

Dolphins are mammals, so they must surface every 15 minutes to breathe. Sometimes they like to show off in the process. They are often seen jumping out of the water, riding waves, making air bubble rings underwater, they play with objects and pass them to each other.

Dolphins understand the importance of play. They have shown the importance of breaking away from the complexity and stress of the daily grind. It is good to shake things off, take breaks, engage with peers, and play games. Also, very important, play is a fundamental activity that helps bringing ideas to life.

Lesson 08: The art of Leadership- shifting leadership roles:

Leadership within the dolphin pod is without rank or seniority. Leadership is shown through inspiration, passion, and movement that is fluid and organic, and can change to meet the needs of a particular environment or situation. (Situational Leadership).

In a moment, leadership can shift from one dolphin to another, without hesitation or resistance. This shifting is dynamic and egoless. As a new dolphin takes the lead, the one that was leading becomes a fully engaged follower. Thus having a particular leader ready to step in results in fresh inspiration and passion that is ready to be harnessed.

Lesson 09: Remembering Names:

Dolphins have been known to remember the distinct whistle of another dolphin they shared a tank with up to 20 years ago, even if they only lived together for a few months. Dolphins emit their signature whistle as they approach another pod, leaving behind a stream of bubbles from their blow hole.

Lesson 10: Diversify Friends Groups:

Dolphin Pods can also merge temporarily, forming a superpod that may exceed 1,000 dolphins. Membership in pods is not rigid; interchange is common. Dolphins have been known to make friends with false killer whales. Their relationships span time and space, with some pairings lasting five years or more and pairs being spotted together at locations 650 miles apart. You can achieve more if you work with people rather than compete against them.

Lesson 11: Half Brain – Being Alert:

Humans can’t do this, but dolphins have no trouble keeping half their brain awake. By doing this they can stay active for up to 15 days at a time, staying vigilant against sharks and making sure they come up for air.

Lesson 12: Trying New Things:

Dolphins are not afraid to investigate the unfamiliar. They have been seen chewing and passing around a pufferfish, apparently entering a “trance-like state” afterward, leading some to speculate that they were using the pufferfish’s toxin to get high. After they catch a cuttlefish, dolphins have been seen repeatedly beating the catch against their snout to get rid of its ink, then raking it along the ocean floor to debone it. Then they can eat it without the disgusting ink and annoying bone.

Lesson 13: The Importance of Looking friendly:

Behind their apparently sunny disposition dolphins are kind of horrible. Males often coerce females into mating with them and go as far as killing their babies to make the females ready for another pregnancy. Yet we still think they’re lovable because of their permanent smile.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa