EXPLORING HUMAN BEHAVIOR THROUGH SCUBA DIVING: LESSONS AND INSIGHTS – (CHAPTER 01)

Scuba Diving is one of those activities that changes us in many ways. Not just through the training, but also by what we see and experience underwater, has this lasting effect on how we experience the world above. A lot of sports and hobbies can reinforce our character and teach us valuable life lessons. Here are some ways in which we think, Scuba Diving has changed our lives. It might be a stretch, but some of those lessons apply to management and business as well.

01) -> Equalize Your Airspaces

During descent, the pressure changes, increasing with the weight of the water, pushing on places in our body with airspaces that are unaccustomed to it. The first things to complain are the ears. We can fix this discomfort, equalizing the pressure to match the change around by pinching our nose and lightly blowing. This adds air into the cavities and canals running through our head and the discomfort dissipates. Every dive is different. Sometimes the ears complain and sometimes the build-up is in the head: behind the eyes, stemming from the nose, centred in the forehead, wherever our congestion may be. Everyone descends at a different rate depending on how their body responds. Sometimes we feel stuck above everyone else, watching them continue to their depths, while we are left behind. Other times we watch others from below, kicking up slightly, wiggling their jaws, trying any and everything to get their sinuses to cooperate.

Lesson:……………. Equalization can be correlated to life; everyone is moving at different rates, allowing themselves to become accustomed to their surroundings at different times.

We need to be patient with our self and to not worry about the other people around us. Diving with pressure-induced pain is not fun, just as forcing yourself into certain situations can be uncomfortable. If we give ourselves time to adjust, time to equalize and overcome the surrounding pressure, we will get to the destination all the same. It does not matter how quickly or slowly we descend along our paths of life, as long as we keep trying and keep practicing different techniques until we find the one that works for us individually.

Trying to muscle through the pressure and stresses of our lives can end up hurting us. And with that comes the simple notion of listening to our body, heart, and mind. Sometimes it is okay to take a step back, kick ourselves up a bit where the pressure is not so strong, and give yourself some extra time. Sometimes it is okay to say, “it’s not happening today, I’m going to sit this one out and try again tomorrow”.

02) -> Breathe Continuously And Never Hold Your Breath

While underwater, it is essential to maintain a constant breathing rate, inhaling and exhaling, that raspy, rhythmic sound filling your ears. The reason for this is that when we are diving, we are breathing compressed air under pressure. If that pressure changes, so does the volume of air. As we descend underwater, the pressure increases, compressing the air, swelling its density, causing us to inhale a higher volume of air than we would take in with a breath at the surface. When we ascend, the pressure decreases, and that compressed air, in response to the drop in pressure, starts to expand.

When we breathe normally, the expanding air is vented out naturally when we exhale.

If we hold our breath, our lungs do not inflate and deflate like they are designed to.

Our lungs are a fixed airspace, a flexible organ that can only hold a finite amount of air.

That held breath of air grows upon ascent, enlarging inside the lungs, unable to find a way out, filling them up until they can swell no further and, like a balloon that cannot hold another breath, they can rupture, causing a lung over-expansion injury that can turn fatal.

Lesson:. . . . . . . We hold our breath in life, maintaining our rigidity, not allowing ourselves to inhale new air and exhale the old. We are steadfast in our habits. We liked things a certain way and don’t want change. We are not meant to be uncompromising, inflexible, and unchanging, like the lungs stretching and straining under the confines of a held breath. We should accept the new in all its forms, accepting novel ideas and cultures and ways of thinking about things, eliminating old habits and prejudices and things we thought we knew.

When we move through life, the pressures are either increasing or decreasing, stresses are either heightening or diminishing. We need to remember to breathe. To take in all the new and good and unfamiliar regardless of what our depth is, and to release all the old and bad and comfortable, thereby making room for the new. If we hold onto the old for too long, it continues to fill us up, expanding and growing and getting bigger until we, unaware of its cultivation, burst at the seams. We should strive to immerse ourselves in new environments, surround ourselves with new pressures, growing and changing and adapting, and all the while remembering to breathe.

03) ->  Adjust Your Buoyancy in Small, Frequent Amounts

Balanced buoyancy, horizontal trim, that perfect composure of rising slightly on the inhale and faintly falling on the exhale, is what separates the good divers from the bad.

Any diver will tell you that, in order to find that perfect positioning, you have to adjust your buoyancy in small, frequent amounts. We do not need to press the inflator button for too long, filling the BCD (Buoyancy Control Device) with air that wants to bring us back to the surface. Little bursts will do, and the same goes for releasing air as our tank empties and we become more buoyant throughout the dive.

Moving the weights around little by little, trying new positions on each dive, finding that ideal spot on your body to bring yourself into a sleek, straight line is something that divers do the more and more they submerge themselves. We learn to minimize your movements, quick flicks of the fin to change direction, mostly floating and flowing along with the current, frog kicking to propel yourself along a constant plane running parallel to the ocean’s bottom.

Being able to control the body and maintaining jurisdiction over its movements and manoeuvres in the water is key to be able to spot microorganisms by getting close to coral without touching it. During diving, adjustments made too quickly or drastically, can have chaotic results. Power inflating the BCD, causing us to balloon to the surface, can result in bubbles forming in the blood. Using big, clumsy kicks as we swim along can either damage coral or disturb the visibility.

Lesson:………………… Having good buoyancy carries over into our lives. Making small, intentional movements brings about a sort of self-awareness that you cannot achieve with those big, drastic changes. Think of it as biting off more than we can chew. If we make too many big changes all at once, how will we ever figure out which variables yield desired results? Making small adjustments: try this today, try something else tomorrow, find what works to bring myself out of that feeling that everything around me is crashing.

This is a secret to moving through life: small adjustments, acting with intention, understanding what actions and thoughts make you feel certain ways. It is all a process of trial and error, moving our weights, practicing as much as we can, getting better with each new discovery.

04) -> Communicate with Proper Hand Signals

We all learn the universal hand signals: thumbs up means “I want to go up”, thumbs down means “lets dive deeper”, two fingers to the other hand’s palm is asking “how much air do you have”, and the thumb and pointer making an O with the other three fingers released is a question and an answer: “Are you okay?” and “yes, I’m okay”. The main thing here is that communication is key. In an underwater world where the tongue is tied, we have to be able to say what we want with the tools we have. And, we sometimes have had to learn how to read and understand people, not with words, but by how their eyes look behind their masks, sometimes wide and fearful, other times crinkled with a smiling excitement.

Not everyone speaks the same language and not everyone communicates the same way, but, as soon as we descend, letting that water wash over our heads, our language becomes universal, and being able to understand one another can make or break the dive.

Lesson:………………………………… The same is true in our normal lives. Communication is key. Almost every major problem, whether that be on an individual, communal, or global scale, is rooted in a conflict of communication. Different words and phrases have different meanings around the globe.  Listening to each other, establishing a norm, understanding the root of what someone is saying and the reason why they would be saying it that way is something that has challenged us all. We are all brought up differently, raised to believe different things, but at the end of the day we are all trying to communicate the same thing: this is me and I just want to be accepted.

Being empathetic and understanding other aspects of communication are vital to finding and providing that acceptance: reading the look in someone’s eyes, interpreting body language, deciphering why someone may be acting a certain way. We are all floating along in a sort of shared solitude, alone with our thoughts and interacting with others when we get the chance. But understanding each other, using those agreed upon hand signals and being aware of other cues, makes or breaks our time with each other.

***To be continued in Chapter 02 (Points 05 to 10- Link Below)

LESSONS IN BEHAVIOUR FROM SCUBA DIVING – (CHAPTER 02)

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

BEHAVIOURAL LESSONS FROM THE WORK-FROM-HOME ERA

It is safe to assume that an overwhelming majority of the population has now participated in a videoconference. People who may not have even known how to start one six months ago now use them daily—and it is all beginning to feel normal. The technologies that we have all come to rely on have so seamlessly infiltrated our lives that it is easy to overlook their impact. But when we consider the repercussions of remote working, we will see that these platforms have taught us more than just how to use them. They have made us better leaders, collaborators, employees, and employers. Here are some lessons we did not realize we learned from the tools we use to work from home.

Lesson 01- Transparency is not so frightening after all: . . . .. . . . . . .  

Many of us who came of age in the business world between the 1980s and the 2010s have an innate fear of letting a client see anything before it is “ready.” As businesses, we are entrusted to lead projects that constitute millions of dollars in revenue, which has led to the belief that if work is shared with a client before it’s “perfect,” then that trust will be lost. However, after five months of remote work during the most unpredictable time in most of our lives, it’s clear that nothing is perfect and the notion that we need to pretend it is has no place in our minds. Being open and vulnerable in business isn’t the worst thing in the world.

Lesson 02- Our significance is no longer tied to our location: . . . .. . . . . . .  

Good talent is expensive. You get what you pay for, and the best talent in the world is either totally undiscovered or very successful (hence the high cost). Employers did not know what they could not see, so if you were not directly in front of them, they had no idea you existed. The global pandemic has completely changed that.

With budgets being slashed, offices closed, companies shuttering, and the gig economy being revitalized, we have all been forced to realize that remote work works. The past notions of “oh, they work in a metro/ tier 1 city, so they must be good” are gone, and as people across the country were able to refine their work-from-home setups and became familiar, even comfortable, with Slack, Zoom, Dropbox, etc., the playing field was levelled. The migration of talent and remote work reckoning will afford talented creators and businesspeople from across the globe more opportunities and shake businesses clean of the attitude that someone is less valuable if they are not in a big city. After all, in today’s world, if you have tech tools, Wi-Fi, and talent, you can get the job done.

Lesson 03- Our collaboration skills might want improvement: . . . .. . . . . . .  

Between zoom, slack, chat, messenger, texting, and a good old-fashioned conference call or two, there are endless channels for socially distanced conversations to take place. But collaboration is something entirely different, and it is important to remember that talking is not co-thinking, and co-thinking is what gets things done. Energy, attitude, and personality cannot be ‘remoted’ through even the best fiber optic lines. (**quoted – Jerry Sinefield).

Every video call platform has managed to make it more obvious than ever how often team members speak over one another. It is an honest mistake, but even the slightest lag has taught many of us to wait our turn, take a second, and make sure we are not infringing on someone’s time to speak. This small change many have unconsciously implemented has made all the things that feed innovative thinking that much better.

The truth is that as humans, we adapt. Sometimes it happens so quietly that we don’t even notice. So, the next time we notice ourselves waiting our turn to speak, being more vulnerable with a client or co-worker, or not second-guessing our value, we can say a silent “thank you” to all of our work-from-home technology for helping us make positive changes from our couch.

Behaviours That Bring More Focus

Focus seems to be the key. It’s hard to imagine achieving anything of value without given it due attention. And whether it’s in relation to family life, work or study, more focus enables more effective setting and achievement of goals. But while most of us can appreciate the benefits of focus, the path to becoming more focused is often elusive. This is especially the case in our modern world: where gadgets, social media and around-the-clock coverage of world events (and non-events) often serve to distract us.

One solution could be to simply avoid the same things highly focused people avoid. Study after study of highly focused (and not-so-focused) people has given us a good idea of the do’s and don’ts of maintaining attention and getting the job done. Here are some behaviours of focused people:

They do not focus their attention on being focused: . . . . . .. . It might seem counterintuitive, but recent research suggests the best way to gain and keep focus is not to try. In other words, maintaining focus could best be undertaken as a defensive sport. Allowing even 200 milliseconds of mental distraction (around 1/5th of second, i.e., the blink of the eye) can disturb our focus for up to 40 minutes. Getting distracted depletes both our physical energy and our brain power. For example, it uses up vital thinking resources and pushes us more quickly towards mental overload—a state wherein we are less able to make decisions. By contrast, placing effort on getting rid of random distractions regains our focus and preserves our scarce, mental reserves.

They reframe dull work to be interesting: . . . . . . . . . We are only focused when we’re interested in the topic. It is no surprise that if the task at hand is incredibly boring, we lose focus quickly. Nonetheless, seldom in life do we get to work things that are always interesting and engaging. For that reason, highly focused people reframe whatever work or tasks they have, to make them more “interesting”. For example, signing a bunch of documents might be reframed as a chance to reflect on the beauty (or ugliness) of your signature. Reading an exceptionally long and poorly structured client brief might allow thoughts of copyediting.

They never begin something without clear, realistic goals. :. . . . . . . . Goal setting is an entire sub-field of management behavioural science. One of its many insights is that setting clear goals increases productivity. However, the mechanism by which goals appear to boost productivity relates to focus: clear goals give a person an object of focus and helps them mark progress. And that leads to something else. The goal-setting literature says our objectives should be challenging; however, they should also be realistic. Goals that are set too high or too low undermines focus and, as a result, productivity.

They chase those goals with flexibility and agility: . . . . . . . .. At the same time, highly focused people do some things that seem counterintuitive. For example, they set goals but do not set rigid ways of achieving them. As a result, high focused people leave themselves open to exploiting opportunities that arise along the way. These opportunities might make their existing goals easer to reach or change them altogether. When people set out with a rigid plan of action towards achieving goals, they are mostly asking “how” and not “why”. Yet. while seemingly harmless, this subtle distinction reduces focus dramatically. For example, as we become bogged down in the details of pursuing a specific action plan, subconsciously, we get lured off-topic by distractions. Part of that might stem from frustrations in not responding to what is happening then and there. By contrast, asking “why” opens the doorway to accepting alternative approaches and revising what we are doing based upon new data. By doing all that, it helps us maintain focus out of maintained interest and engagement.

They use diversions strategically: . . . . . .. .. Diversions are not always bad. While it’s important to distinguish random distractions from those related to our undertakings, there’s even an important place for random distractions in maintaining focus. Brief, strategically timed distractions—often at various intervals while doing our work—helps us “bounce back” into focus. For example, highly focused people might walk outside to observe the hustle and bustle of city streets or go for a walk in nature or even have an irrelevant conversation as a bounce back strategy. The only caveat is if the distraction involves electronic devices—which, for other reasons—can operate on our brains through visual channels and detract from focus.

They prioritize the mind-soul-body connection:. . . . . . . .. Highly focused people understand that their physical, emotional, and even spiritual condition can influence their abilities to maintain attention. Sufficient sleep is important for maintaining focus, even though many believe “all-nighters” or crunching for deadlines are effective ways to work and focus. Highly saturated foods lead to poor focus, and even a slight amount of dehydration kills our attention and leaves our brains foggy.

Having aggressive emotions (such as produced by an argument or by reading a politically-explosive news article) can affect our abilities to reason for some moments after the event—apart from depleting our mental reserves as they arise. The many ancient practices of meditation and prayer offer different ways of gathering focus.

They never befriend their electronic gadgets:. . . . . . . .. Science shows that our devices distract our attention and deplete our focus substantially. That might seem obvious, when considering email or chats, but even the mere presence of a mobile phone near us, impairs our ability to focus. Studies have shown that our grey matter is pivotal in enabling us to switch tasks and regain focus, as well as process information, build memories and other vital functions. Not only is multi-tasking across electronic media distracting, it could progressively impair our abilities to focus over the longer term by affecting our grey matter.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

LEADERSHIP CONVERSATIONS: MANAGEMENT BEHAVIOURS

Management lessons are everywhere. We can read them in books, listen to them on podcasts, and hear them live during conference talks. Here are some of the lessons from conversations with leaders:

Lesson 01: What are common hazards and errors to avoid when doing manager handoffs and transitions?

People come and go in the workplace for various reasons. Maybe we have been promoted and are transitioning into a different role. Perhaps we are taking leave for one reason or another. Regardless of the reason, we will want to make sure we are structuring transitions to be as smooth as possible for ourselves, the new person, and the team that they’ll be taking over. Going too fast is the biggest pitfall. Additionally, here are some suggestions:

1. Writing out all the things that we currently do in our role, monitor it for a few weeks to make sure we do not miss anything and create good documentation for the role.
2. Give a quick win with a process improvement or an initiative that the team has wanted for a while but has not had the bandwidth to do.
3. Give people milestones to strive for. Example-When XYZ is achieved, when we are competent in ABC, or when we feel comfortable with DEF, we will increase our accountability.
4. Be clear on delegation, accountability, responsibility, and monitoring. Typically, the most difficult things are delegation, accountability, and monitoring because they’re less commonly defined when compared to responsibility. Here’s one way how we can think about these: 
   • Delegation – Be clear on what is being delegated and to what level.
   • Accountability – This happens in both directions (up and down the hierarchy) and can typically be tied to concrete outcomes. Being clear on what this role has accountability for delivering allows a person to come out swinging and plan appropriately.
   • Monitoring – It’s worth being clear about how the role will be monitored long-term (e.g. performance reviews), but it’s crucially important to define how it will be monitored in the early days (e.g. weekly check-ins, continuous feedback, and agree upon next steps, etc.)
5. As for handling the transition publicly: What gets announced in the company is significant as well. 
   1. What is the symbolic date of handover where this person has full ownership and authority on all decision-making? 
   1. Timing: Does the announcement get made initially on Day 1 that there’s a new role, and that a phased transition is in place with the expectation that by the end – Day 30, 60, or 90 – there is clarification of what this new role now has full accountability for?

Lesson #2: What are some suitable ways of demonstrating you value your people?

Showing we truly, genuinely value our employees in thoughtful ways can make all the difference to a person’s happiness and contentment in the workplace.

1. Give them back their time. Maybe a Monday or a Friday is right on the cusp of a holiday, but it isn’t technically a holiday. Perhaps some people are even taking off on purpose to get a head start for family preparations, travel, etc. Consider turning it into a free paid “bonus holiday” to show appreciation.
2. Give shoutouts. Encourage folks to give whenever and as often as they see fit. You could even take those shoutouts and include them in an internal newsletter to provide people additional recognition.
3. Simply express gratitude. Thanking people is probably the easiest, lowest cost, and yet hardest thing to do authentically. The challenge is you want to do it in the moment and not to make it systematic (otherwise you lose authenticity).
4. Write hand-written notes. Pen a quick note with some kind thoughts, words of encouragement or gratitude, or anything else that might be appropriate and mail it or hand-deliver it. People appreciate the personal nature, thoughtfulness, and the little extra time it takes as opposed to a quick-worded email or a twitter message.

Lesson #3: Should you be doing pulse surveys?

1. Almost all companies suffer from survey overload. The bigger the company, the more surveys. It’s impossible to respond to them all. Some tips:
   1. Is the survey sufficiently short? 
   1. Can it be anonymous? 
   1. Are there any additional barriers to entry? (namely: sign-in page, reading instructions, etc.) 
   1. The less friction, the more likely we will get completion.
2. Do people have faith in the surveys? Perhaps people are not completing them because they do not have faith that anything will change. Perhaps they are content with the status quo and, therefore, do not see the point in the surveys. 

Some tips on increasing participation if we want to continue down the survey route:

1. Having leaders model the behaviour: i.e., writing a quick email to their teams saying “I’ve just completed X, it took me Y mins and I think you should do it too…it’ll really help with Z.”
2. Having a reward for participation: i.e., giving away random gift cards or something else to encourage others.
3. Show we are listening: Do something with the feedback received. If someone takes the time to fill in a survey, they’ll want to understand it’s been listened to (even if the action isn’t the course they would have wanted)

Lesson #4: What are some frameworks for healthier communication?

1. The Best Way to Confront People is by Saying These 3 Things
   • Share the specific action that made you feel that way. ‘When you walked out on Friday night…’
   • Say exactly how they made you feel. Happy/sad/angry isn’t enough. Be specific.
   • Explain the impact of their actions. ‘I feel this threatens a stable future…’
2. Acknowledge how we feel and work out how we would like to feel. Then do the same for the other person or people in the conversation. Ask ourselves, “how might they feel, and how would I like them to feel?”
3. The moment we have the urgency to talk and get our voice heard is the moment when we need to be listening to the other person the most.
4. Sometimes, we talk over each other because we fear that “our turn” might not come. That is not true. The more patient we are, the better the conversation will flow.
5. Disagree without being disrespectful.
6. Difficult conversations are very challenging by nature. It’s ok to accept and remind ourselves of that.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

ORGANIZED PEOPLE: SIMPLE BEHAVIOURS

Organized people are not born; they’re built. The people who emerge as ‘organized’ use a variety of tools and methods to accomplish their goals and priorities in life. Their systems become habits.

They Seek Out Tools

From kitchen timers to smartphone technology, organized people find tools that can help them make the most of their day, week, and year. They use mobile phone apps with pop-up reminders, for example. They also use timers to help visualize the passage of time. And they break down tasks into smaller chunks and take short non-work-related breaks in between, which increases their overall productivity.

They Set Priorities

Following a to-do list is like their primary source of organization. Instead of having an overwhelming number of commitments and little idea where to start, organized people have a clear sense of what is important. They know what their goals are, what needs to be done when, and what can be put off. They start the day with a clear plan of their ‘most important things,’ and they review their plan throughout the day and adjust as necessary.

They Have Less Stuff

The golden rule of organization is to have as little as possible to organize. They figure out what the core of their professional and personal missions are and eliminate all else. They will still have stuff to organize, but they have made the job doable. They know how to filter relevant information.

They Choose Simple Solutions

When organizing systems are complex, they often go unused. Organized people use simple tools that make an easy job of putting things away. For example, baskets hold receipts that need to be filed, bills that need to be paid, and books that are waiting to be read. A hook by the door makes it convenient to hang up a coat. And bowls and trays near an entryway will keep keys and wallets in one place.

“Your solution is far too simple for a real expert…”

They Practice Maintenance

Organization requires continual upkeep. Organized people will take a few moments each day to put things back in their proper places. They might archive an email, for example, or put away papers. The tiny amount of time it takes to do this is vastly less than the time it takes to look for something that was not put away properly.

They Regularly Purge

Situations change and formerly useful things become unnecessary. Instead of letting clutter sneak up on them, organized people periodically purge. They clear out their files when the drawer starts to get full, for example, and they toss the notes for the project that was cancelled.

They Project Themselves into The Future

Using a two-person mind-set–present self and future self–can help us stay organized. That motivates us to do those favors for our future self. Organized people also think into the future when they add activities to their calendars. They ask: ‘What could I do before, during, or after this appointment to improve it?’. If they need to prepare for it, bring something to it, or follow up after it, they schedule it now and put it on their task list.

They read/address mails/emails daily

Here is the deal: it does not matter at what time of the day we check our inbox. What matters is that we have a dedicated timeslot each day, let us say, half an hour, for reading and answering all our emails. Organised people know that the cluttered-up inbox will not go anywhere unless it is handled appropriately. There should absolutely be no space at all for clutter on our desk.

They have specific routines and rituals set for the start and end of every day

Staying organized is not all about being uptight. We should always spare some time out for things that make us who we are. Organised people are not prisoners of their routine. Read a book, watch a movie, hit the gym. Again, it is not about being a prisoner of our routine when we can always cut some time out for ourselves. Once we are done with our day, then would be a good time to plan for the coming day. Every day needs its own unique to-do list.

They leave room for last minute changes

Suppose, we are doing just fine with our daily routine and are almost half-way through, when it out of nowhere, a friend calls up for an urgent meeting. Did we leave enough room for this sudden readjustment in our to-do list? Organised people know that staying organized is mainly all about preparing yourself to face turmoil, whenever it shows up. Do not be afraid of tackling mishaps head on, deal with the elephant in the room first.

They never leave anything undone

This is the holy grail of staying organized. They do not leave any task half done. Leaving unfinished business is the hallmark of a disorganized person.

They are not perfectionists

Not everything can be just the way we want it. Sometimes, “good enough” really is enough to get by. So know where the most feasible option would suffice, and forget about making things perfect.

Being organized is not just something we adapt to. Slowly as we dwell in our organized lifestyle, we tend to start taking it more as a mindset rather than a way of living. For instance, we begin living our life in an organized manner, with each and everything in our routine well thought out. And then comes a time where our systems and our rituals are actually morphed into our routine, and our mind adapts to them as habits. If we actually happen to get to this stage, we have officially become an organized person.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS

The active listening skillset involves these 6 active listening skills:

Pay attention

One goal of active listening is to set a comfortable tone that gives the other person an opportunity to think and speak. Allow “wait time” before responding. Don’t cut the other person off, finish their sentences, or start formulating your answer before they’ve finished. Pay attention to your body language as well as your frame of mind. Be focused on the moment and operate from a place of respect.

Withhold judgment

Active listening requires an open mind. As a listener and a leader, be open to new ideas, new perspectives, and new possibilities. Even when good listeners have strong views, they suspend judgment, hold any criticisms, and avoid arguing or selling their point right away.

Reflect

Don’t assume that you understand the person correctly — or that they know you’ve heard them. Mirror the person’s information and emotions by periodically paraphrasing key points. Reflecting is a way to indicate that you and your counterpart are on the same page.

For example, your counterpart might tell you, “Saroja is so loyal and supportive of her people — they’d walk through fire for her. But no matter how much I push, her team keeps missing deadlines.”

To paraphrase, you could say, “So Saroja’s people skills are great, but accountability is a problem.”

If you hear, “I don’t know what else to do!” or “I’m tired of bailing the team out at the last minute,” try helping the person label his or her feelings: “Sounds like you’re feeling pretty frustrated and stuck.”

Clarify

Don’t be shy to ask questions about any issue that is ambiguous or unclear. If you have doubt or confusion about what the person has said, say something like, “Let me see if I’m clear. Are you talking about …?” or “Wait a minute. I didn’t follow you.”

Open-ended, clarifying, and probing questions are important tools that encourage the person to do the work of self-reflection and problem solving, rather than justifying or defending a position, or trying to guess the “right answer.”

Examples include: “What do you think about …?” or “Tell me about …?” and “Will you further explain/describe …?” The emphasis is on asking rather than telling. It invites a thoughtful response and maintains a spirit of collaboration.

You might say: “What are some of the specific things you’ve tried?” or “Have you asked the team what their main concerns are?” or “Does Emma agree that there are performance problems?” and “How certain are you that you have the full picture of what’s going on?”

Summarize

Restating key themes as the conversation proceeds confirms and solidifies your grasp of the other person’s point of view. It also helps both parties to be clear on mutual responsibilities and follow-up. Briefly summarize what you have understood as you listened, and ask the other person to do the same.

Giving a brief restatement of core themes raised by the person might sound like: “Let me summarize to check my understanding. Saroja was promoted to manager and her team loves her. But you don’t believe she holds them accountable, so mistakes are accepted and keep happening. You’ve tried everything you can think of and there’s no apparent impact. Did I get that right?”. Restating key themes helps both parties to be clear on mutual responsibilities and follow-up.

Share

Active listening is first about understanding the other person, then about being understood. As you gain a clearer understanding of the other person’s perspective, you can begin to introduce your ideas, feelings, and suggestions. You might talk about a similar experience you had or share an idea that was triggered by a comment made previously in the conversation.

Once the situation has been talked through in this way, both you and the person have a good picture of where things stand. From this point, the conversation can shift into problem solving. What hasn’t been tried? What don’t we know? What new approaches could be taken?

We can continue to query, guide, and offer, but mustn’t dictate a solution. The person will feel more confident and eager if they think through the options and own the solution.

How to Improve Your Active Listening Skills

Many people take their listening skills for granted. We often assume it’s clear that we’re listening and that others know they are being heard. But the reality is that we often struggle with tasks and roles that directly relate to listening. Accepting criticism well, dealing with people’s feelings, and trying to understand what others think all require strong active listening skills.

Even with the best of intentions, you may actually be unconsciously sending signals that you aren’t listening at all. You may need to brush up on your listening skills if any of the following questions describe you. Do you sometimes:

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. To boost your listening skills and put your active listening skillset into practice, try these helpful tips:

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.