ACTIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONDING: COMMUNICATION

The feedback we receive can sometimes feel like nonsense. For Example, an employee in an organisation once stated:  “This company doesn’t care about parents.” The employee then proceeded to gripe about the lack of maternity and paternity benefits. Admittedly, the CEO agreed that the company’s maternity and paternity leave policies could be improved… But she was livid about the broad accusation that “this company doesn’t care about parents.” What an unfair generalization. The CEO was conflicted about how to react to the feedback:

1. She didn’t want to come off as being defensive to her employee.
2. But she also didn’t want sweeping, inflammatory remarks to be seen as well-received by the employee.

How was she supposed to take this feedback? It felt like nonsense. Nonsense feedback usually comes in one of three forms…

Given that how we receive feedback as a leader sets the tone of openness and honesty in the company, this is especially challenging. If we dismiss the feedback too readily or respond negatively to it, we are likely to discourage that person (and the rest of our team) from ever voicing their honest opinion again. But, if the feedback goes completely unchecked, then untrue, rude, or vague feedback could become normalized, accepted behaviour in the company. Some ways to receive each type of the feedback above and still encourage an open, honest company environment may be:-

• If the feedback is untrue:

When we receive feedback that is inaccurate, misinformed (or even a straight-up lie), it’s important to not just blurt out, “I think you’re wrong.” Such a knee-jerk response — even if we are in the right — will come across as defensive to the other person. Instead, take a little time (be it 30 minutes, or a day or two) to verify that the feedback is indeed false, before letting that other person know. This way, we can first make sure we do have your facts straight, and more calmly point out and share why we think their feedback is untrue.

We may also want to acknowledge our own role in why they may have been misinformed, and how we could have contributed to the issue. Rarely does an employee independently give incorrect feedback (unless they are maliciously lying). Usually, as leaders, we have not done our role well enough to shine a light on something — hence their misinformed feedback.

• If the feedback is true, but poorly delivered:

When someone blows up at us or goes on a complaining rant, no matter how true the content of what their feedback may be to us — we will want to make aware to the other person that their delivery was inappropriate. Again, to make sure we don’t come across as defensive, we don’t want to say: “You’re a complainer” or “That was rude.” Instead, we can use this as an opportunity to guide/coach them. Show that we are not resentful (example-  “not to detract from the merit of what you’re saying,”) and be forward-looking by (example- “in the future” or “next time”). We want this person to continue to speak up and give us their candid perspective, just not in the manner they delivered it in. Communicate this to them calmly, kindly, and directly.

• If you cannot tell whether or not the feedback is true:

Unclear feedback is perhaps the most frustrating type of feedback to receive because it can feel like a waste of our time to try to unpack. Asking questions is the key to learning and getting to the truth of the feedback.

Questions can also serve as guideposts to our employees, encouraging them to give us feedback with more clarity and in a specific manner the next time.

Handling these three types of untrue, rude, and vague feedback require a bit of patience and self-discipline. Our natural reaction in our inner monologue must be quelled and placed aside.

Ways To Give Employee Recognition Sincerely

Employee recognition is about saying something and meaning it. If a heart emoji or a free lunch are the only ways we say “thank you” or “good job” in our company — we are missing the point. If we want to say something sincerely, we must say it with words. These days, we care about the stickers — not the words. We rely on stickers, gadgets and trinkets to express our gratitude because, often times, we don’t know what to say, how to say it, or when to say it.

There are, of course, more than these ways to deliver recognition for a job well done. The most important piece is not to get lazy. Use your words. Be specific. And mean them.

Correct Type of Feedback

Choosing the correct type of feedback can improve relationships. Helping people to grow and improve is very satisfying. Hence constructive and re-enforcing feedback seems natural to use often. However there is a continuum of behaviour that prompts feedback and unfortunately it should not always result in re-enforcing feedback. The feedback approach should change to suit the type of behavior we are providing feedback about. Choosing the correct approach is crucial in effecting the outcome that will help the individual, team and ourselves.

What is Active and Constructive Responding?

Active and constructive responding (ACR) refers to one of four ways in which we respond to good news; it is part of a theoretical framework proposed by psychologist Shelly Gable. Active and constructive responding is the most effective way to respond, giving both the deliverer of good news and the listener a positive outcome. (The other three ways include passive and constructive, active and destructive, and passive and destructive.)

How do you react to a friend when they share good news? Imagine a friend announces that she received a promotion at work. There are many ways in which we could respond to this news. An ACR responder might say, “That’s amazing! I knew they would recognize your hard work. Let’s grab a bottle of champagne and celebrate. I’d love to hear more about your new position.” When people share good news, they want you to share in their joy. Conveying authentic interest, pride, and even curiosity in someone’s good news are all hallmarks of ACR.

The other three typical forms of response include a passive and constructive reaction. One might say, “That’s good news.” This response includes positive feedback but does not include an active, elaborative component. An active and destructive responder may say, “I never get to see you as it is. If you take this promotion, you’re going to be even more stressed than you are now.” Although you have actively elaborated in response to the news, the content is destructive. Then there is the least effective response which is passive and destructive – “Okay. Are you ready for lunch?” This response is passive and contains no positive, affirming information. Essentially, it’s a blow off to the good news.

ACR extends to nonverbal communication as well. It includes eye contact and smiles, while an active and destructive response features frowning or glares. Both types of passive response include little or no emotional expression. A passive and destructive response may also include a lack of eye contact or leaving the room.

Uses in daily Life

ACR helps develop and maintain strong personal relationships. If we retrain ourselves to offer active and constructive responses to the people in our life, we will find ourselves feeling more positive as well as receiving positive feedback from others. For example, when a child tells us that he/she has been selected for the school play, resist the urge to complain about how much more driving that will mean for us or how much his/her costume will cost. Resist the urge to just say, “I’m proud of you.” Instead, congratulate him/her with specific statements of praise. For example, you might say, “That’s great news! You practiced so hard over the summer, and now it’s paying off. I can’t wait to see you on stage. Tell me more about it!”

Breaking the habit of making passive or destructive responses can be difficult. Over time, it will become natural to respond actively and constructively to others’ good news.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

THE DAILY STAND-UP MEETING: ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIOURS

Daily stand-up meetings might be the quickest way to waste your time as a leader. As a manager, you’ve likely witnessed this first hand. Your daily stand-up meetings have become bloated and unengaging, the more time passes and the bigger your team grows. Should you be doing something different? And if so, what? The time to kill the daily stand-up meeting has come. Here’s exactly why and what we should do instead…

Why A Daily Stand-Up Meeting Doesn’t Work

Many oars, too many directions: . . . . . . . . . . . The original intention behind a daily stand-up meeting is extremely sound. Popularized by the Agile methodology of project management, daily stand-up meetings are meant to share progress and identify any blockers the team is facing. For the few teams who strictly adhere to only sharing status updates and blockers, a daily stand-up can serve them well.

However, for most of us in practice, it’s a different story. We get overly excited and cram other intentions into our daily stand-ups: We want them to be an energizing morale booster for the team, a time to reflect on what went well, an opportunity for team members who don’t regularly talk to each other to feel connected… No wonder daily stand-up meetings start to run over, with folks rambling, and people disengaging.

Try to do all three at the same time, and you end up having too many oars, rowing in too many directions. A bloated, ineffective meeting manifests.

Twenty hours down the drain per week: . . . . . . . . . . . Say you are able to miraculously, consistently hold 10 – 15 minute daily stand-up meetings with your team. But as you switch gears to dig back into your work, what you don’t realize is that it takes an average of 20/25 minutes to get back to the task at hand.

This means the time a team member needs to recoup from the daily stand-up is longer than the daily stand-up meeting itself. That’s an irreversible 25 minutes taken away from every single one of your team members every week. So if you have 10 team members, that’s 20 hours poured down the drain. Is the cost of the interruption worth it?

Lack of recorded history: . . . . . . . . . . . Someone calls in sick and cannot make the daily stand-up meeting. A remote employee can’t participate in the daily stand-up because it’s 1AM their local time when it’s 9AM for the rest of the team. How do you ensure that everyone is on the same page, especially as your team grows and becomes more spread out? With daily stand-up meetings being in-person or over Zoom, you lack a shared recorded history of the progress being made.

This particularly becomes apparent when someone new joins the team. You’d love to be able to share the week-to-week progress the team has made to give them full context on a project… But with daily stand-ups meetings, that history is scattered in a series of haphazard notes at best and doesn’t provide the new hire a complete picture.

So What To Do Instead?

There are a few options for either replacing your daily stand-up meeting and/or alternatives to holding them.

• Automate status updates with a tool.

Status updates are a critical part of ensuring everyone on the team is on the same page. But they don’t need to happen during an in-person daily stand-up meeting. Instead, you can ask folks to take 30 seconds to write a few bullet points on what they worked on yesterday, what they plan to work on today, and any blockers they have. They can answer on their own. An email or Whatsapp/Slack message every day asking, “What are you working on today?”, will also work. It takes a minute to respond and it helps orient the team’s day without pulling their attention away from the work itself.

You can customize the questions to be more specifically geared toward your team (e.g., “What’s something that might be blocking you today?”) and change the frequency to be as often as you’d like. With this, you also have a complete recorded history of everyone’s progress over time.

• Use a monthly all-hands or weekly staff meeting to focus on other functions.

You’ve likely realized that, although well-intended, you have too many varying purposes for your original daily stand-up meeting (e.g., you wanted to align the team around a vision and help build rapport in the team). Decide what specific functions are most important in your team to foster, and then devote other meetings, processes, or tools to fulfilling these functions. For example, here are functions you could incorporate into a monthly all-hands meeting or weekly staff meeting…

1. Reflection: Use a weekly staff meeting to encourage shared reflection about what could be better. For example, you could pose the question, “Knowing what we know now, what would you change about how we approached this project?”
2. Recognition: Take time during a monthly all-hands meeting to highlight positive progress that’s been made. You could ask, for instance, “What’s something you’ve been surprised or encouraged to see us accomplish?” or “When is a moment you’ve felt proud of working at XXX, and why?”
3. Connection: Carve out some time during the all-hands or staff meeting to enable people to connect with what they enjoy most about working on the team. You could ask fun non-work related questions like, “What’s the thing you bought with your own money?” or “Who’s the most famous person you’ve met?” You can also use our Social Questions Tool for this – we give you hundreds of questions just like this with our Social Questions.
4. Vision: Use an all-hands meeting to align folks in your team around vision and how each team member contributes to that vision. For example, you could ask your team: “If someone were to ask you what the vision of our company is, would a clear answer come to mind? How do you feel your individual work is contributing to that vision?”

The best process results from what is deliberate and thoughtful – not what is convenient and familiar. Daily stand-up meetings are an antiquated relic. It’s time to sunset them.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa