SAYING NO: INTERTWINED BEHAVIORS

Not doing something will always be faster than doing it. The same philosophy applies in other areas of life. For example, there is no meeting that goes faster than not having a meeting at all.This is not to say we should never attend another meeting, but the truth is that we say yes to many things we do not actually want to do. There are many meetings held that do not need to be held.

How often do people ask you to do something and you just reply, “Yes, OK.” Three days later, you are overwhelmed by how much is on your to-do list. We become frustrated by our obligations even though we were the ones who said yes to them in the first place. It is worth asking if things are necessary. Many of them are not, and a simple “no” will be more productive than whatever work the most efficient person can muster. But if the benefits of saying no are so obvious, then why do we say yes so often?

Why We Say Yes

We agree to many requests not because we want to do them, but because we do not want to be seen as rude, arrogant, or unhelpful. Often, we have to consider saying no to someone we will interact with again in the future—our co-worker/ spouse/ family/ friends. Saying no to these people can be particularly difficult because we like them and want to support them. (Not to mention, we often need their help too.) Collaborating with others is an important element of life. The thought of straining the relationship outweighs the commitment of our time and energy.

For this reason, it can be helpful to be gracious in our response. Do whatever favours we can, and be warm-hearted and direct when we have to say no. But even after we have accounted for these social considerations, many of us still seem to do a poor job of managing the trade-off between yes and no. We find ourselves over-committed to things that do not meaningfully improve or support those around us, and certainly don’t improve our own lives. Perhaps one issue is how we think about the meaning of yes and no.

The Difference Between Yes and No: A Perspective

The words “yes” and “no” get used in comparison to each other so often that it feels like they carry equal weight in conversation. In reality, they are not just opposite in meaning, but of entirely different magnitudes in commitment. When we say no, we are only saying no to one option. When we say yes, we are saying no to every other option. Every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time.

Once we have committed to something, we have already decided how that future block of time will be spent.

The Role of No

Saying no is sometimes seen as a luxury that only those in power can afford. And it is true: turning down opportunities is easier when we can fall back on the safety net provided by power, money, and authority. But it is also true that saying no is not merely a privilege reserved for the successful among us. It is also a strategy that can help us become successful. Saying no is an important skill to develop at any stage of our career because it retains the most important asset in life: our time. If we do not protect our time, people will steal it from us.

We need to say no to whatever is not leading us toward our goals. We need to say no to distractions. If we broaden the definition as to how we apply no, it actually is the only productivity hack (as we ultimately say no to any distraction in order to be productive).

There is an important balance to strike here. Saying no does not mean we will never do anything interesting or innovative or spontaneous. It just means that we say yes in a focused way. Once we have knocked out the distractions, it can make sense to say yes to any opportunity that could potentially move us in the right direction. We may have to try many things to discover what works and what we enjoy.

Upgrading The No

Over time, as we continue to improve and succeed, our strategy needs to change.The opportunity cost of our time increases as we become more successful. At first, we just eliminate the obvious distractions and explore the rest. As our skills improve and we learn to separate what works from what does not, we have to continually increase our threshold for saying yes.

We still need to say no to distractions, but we also need to learn to say no to opportunities that were previously good uses of time, so we can make space for great uses of time. It is a good problem to have, but it can be a tough skill to master. In other words, we have to upgrade our “no’s” over time. Upgrading our no does not mean we will never say yes. It just means we default to saying no and only say yes when it really makes sense. The general trend seems to be something like this: If we can learn to say no to bad distractions, then eventually we will earn the right to say no to good opportunities.

How to Say No

Most of us are probably too quick to say yes and too slow to say no. It is worth asking ourselves where we fall on that spectrum. One trick is to ask, “If I had to do this today, would I agree to it?” It is not a bad rule of thumb, since any future commitment, no matter how far away it might be, will eventually become an imminent problem. If an opportunity is exciting enough to drop whatever we are doing right now, then it is a yes. If it is not, then perhaps we should think twice.

It is impossible to remember to ask ourselves these questions each time we face a decision, but it’s still a useful exercise to revisit from time to time. Saying no can be difficult, but it is often easier than the alternative. It is easier to avoid commitments than get out of them. Saying no keeps us toward the easier end of this spectrum. What is true about health is also true about productivity: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

The Power of No

More effort is wasted doing things that don’t matter than is wasted doing things inefficiently. And if that is the case, elimination is a more useful skill than optimization. Even worse, people will occasionally fight to do things that waste time. “Why can’t you just come to the meeting? We have it every week.” Just because it is scheduled weekly does not mean it is necessary weekly. We do not have to agree to something just because it exists.

Saying no to superiors at work can be particularly difficult. One approach could be to remind superiors what we would be neglecting if we said yes and force them to grapple with the trade-off (Data/ description and its impact on ongoing work). For example, if the manager asks to do X, we can respond with “Yes, I’m happy to make this the priority. Which of these other projects should I deprioritize to pay attention to this new project?”

Pointers to be aware of when saying No

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED – (CHAPTER 02)

***Continued from Chapter 01 (Covered previously: Meaning, Characterestics, Apparance and Manifestation)

Link to Chapter 01:

THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED – (CHAPTER 01)

Root Causes — And Potential Solutions 

Regardless of how or why people may feel like an impostor occasionally, this syndrome is all about the stories that we tell ourselves. We step out with an idea, then when someone says “no,” we retreat and the cycle repeats. The stories may not be true anymore, but they become a habit.  It may happen in school and then in meetings at work. Our ideas get shut down as someone says, “I’ve been here 11 years and that won’t work.” We develop complex coping mechanisms around these stories and deepen the groove in our brain of the thoughts and behaviours, making it very difficult to break the mental connections we’ve made – or to step into our brilliance, whatever it may be.

Measuring Impostor Syndrome

The first scale designated to measure characteristics of impostor syndrome phenomenon came in 1985, called the Clance impostor phenomenon scale (CIP). The scale can be used to determine if characteristics of fear are present, and to what extent. The aspects of fear include the fear of evaluation, fear of not continuing success and fear of not being as capable as others.  The Impostor phenomenon can be distinguished by the following six dimensions:

By this model, for an individual to be considered to experience impostorism, at least two of these aspects have to be present.

Coping with Impostor syndrome

To begin to get past this, we need to engage in deep self reflection. Some questions that may help are:

Perfectionism plays a significant role in impostor syndrome. We might think that there is some perfect “script” for conversations and that we cannot say the wrong thing. We probably have trouble asking for help from others and may procrastinate due to our own high standards. To move past these feelings, we need to become comfortable confronting some of those deeply ingrained beliefs we hold about ourselves. This can be hard because we might not even realize that we hold them, but here are some techniques we can use:

Rewire Your Brain 

Small changes are great, but it’s the deeper changes that have lasting impact. The biggest step toward gradually breaking through impostor syndrome is to change the way our brain chemically responds to negative messages. Self-imposed limitations are the greatest barrier to change. Few ways in which we can begin to turn potential self-limiting challenges into strengths – and train our brain to make new, more productive connections may be:

A) Learning how to sit in inquiry: . . . . . . . . . . . .  Turning questions into curiosity: Instead of just asking “Why did that happen?” ask, “How could it be different next time?” Use of solution-focused thinking such as, “What stopped me from making this mistake this time, and how can I practice more of that skill?”, etc.  Identify our stronger skills so that we can build on them rather than repeat mistakes.

B) Practicing periods of useful reflection: . .. . . . Ruminating on issues does not solve anything, or everything would be fixed. Worries are just made-up stories. Attaching facts to worries in order to gain insight and a fresh perspective helps. When we feel a judgment popping up (which will often be subjective), ask ourselves, “What are the facts?”

C) Use of “and” instead of “but” to weigh things more evenly: . . . . . . It’s all about the words we use. Most of the time, replacing “but” with “and” will lend a fresh perspective. Practice of not speaking in absolutes. Turn “I always…” into “I sometimes…” and we will literally change our brainwaves.

D) Post reminders of past successes: . . . . . . .  Hang our degrees, accolades and thank-you cards where we can see them, so that we are constantly reminded of the times we performed well in the past. We all need signposts to remind ourselves as we get caught up in our daily work. Let them become our pep talk and reminders of our brilliance, especially before important meetings or conversations.

Practicing a more mindful, inquisitive approach to impostor syndrome can go a long way toward alleviating its power over us in the workplace. True change begins on a personal level, but its effects need to be taken seriously at an organizational level as well.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

PERSONALITY TRANSFORMATIONS: MYTHS ON ALTERING PERSONALITY TYPES

We tend to think that we are who we are and there is not much we can do about that. But the fact is, we choose our personality and who we are. Our personality is shaped by the choices we make over time. One of the most frequent questions in personal development probably is “Can I change my personality type?” According to most personality type theories, the person’s type is inborn and does not change. However, people can develop traits and habits that differ or even directly contradict the description of their type.

An example may help us understand better. Suppose lights in the room suddenly go off and we are in complete darkness. We may be able to navigate our way to the door, but which of our senses will come into play? Touch? Hearing? Smell? It would be anything but vision, our preferred sense. As soon as the lights come back on, we will switch back to using vision again as it makes it much easier to navigate around the room.

The way our personality works is quite identical. The environment we are in shapes our personality in a certain way, forcing us to develop traits and habits that might be foreign to our type. For instance, if we are naturally casual and spontaneous, but our work schedule is very structured and our manager is obsessive about schedules, our preferences are likely to change. However, we will probably switch back as soon as we leave that job. The same rule applies to other traits as well.

Here it is important to consider that sociability is often confused with extraversion, just like shyness is confused with introversion – this is a common oversight when it comes to deliberating personality types. While extraverted people naturally find it easier to talk to other people (they gain energy when they do this), there are many shy or solitary people among them. Conversely, introverted types lose energy when they communicate with others, but you would be able to find many eloquent individuals in that group.

Does personality stay the same from birth for the rest of your life, or can it be changed? For decades personality was considered as unmalleable as concrete – who we were at age 15 is who we would be at age 75. But within the last 20 or so years, as cognitive and behavioural sciences have evolved, we have come to see personality as at least marginally changeable, and possibly much more so. While certain personality elements remain stable over time, others change in distinct ways.  In other words, personality is both relatively stable and changeable, and the degree of change is specific to each person. As to what influences personality stability or malleability, both genetics and environmental factors play lead roles.

The relatively new wrinkle in this understanding is epigenetic influence, in which genes for certain factors may be “switched on” by environmental influences. What this means is that when it comes to personality change, we should not compare ourselves to others.  Our especially likable and gregarious friend in middle school is still probably going to be more likable and gregarious than most people we know in mid-life. What matters is how much we have changed – and that is very much a person-specific evaluation.

Personality tests can be part of the problem. They are like a frame in a movie—just a part of the story of our life. They tell us where we are and, in that way, they are very valuable. Personality tests are self-reported. Our view of ourselves is constantly changing based on our current focus, context, and emotions. 

Another aspect to consider is that anyone who has ever done something great with their life has had to transform themselves from who they are to who they became. They had to act accordingly beyond their current personality and circumstances to eventually do what they did and become who they became.

In this aspect, some fallacies (untruths) that limit our growth and potential are:

Fallacy #1: Personality Can Be Categorized into “Types”.

This states that the way we react to life is just “who we are,” and we should accept it, and not try to change it, and we could not if we tried. Even if those traits are limitations, there is nothing we can do about it.

There are no personality types that lock us into a way of being. These labels we take on tend to excuse us from taking personal responsibility for the behavioral outcomes we experience. We can shape our personalities to serve our goals. Our personality should come from our goals. Our goals should not come from our personality.

Fallacy #2: Personality Is Innate and Fixed

Our personalities change over time. Who do we want to be in the future is more important than who you are now, and should actually inform who we are now. Our intended future self can direct our current identity and personality far more than our former self can. We can use our future self as the filter for developing our personality in the present. Our future self can be evolved and different from our current self. Successful people start with a vision of their future self and use it as the filter for everything they do.

Fallacy #3: Personality Comes from Our Past

The idea that we are defined by our past or that the past is the best predictor of our future is true, but not because we cannot change. We simply have not for another reason.

Four reasons that keep people stuck in their past may be:

Past events can inform and change our present and future because we are learning from them. If not, we short-change our future. How we describe, interpret, and identify with our past has far more to do with where we are, here and now, than it has to do with our actual past.

Fallacy #4: Personality Must Be Discovered

Our personality, like our passion, is created by us and not discovered. It is designed. It is a by-product of the decisions we make. What we fail to understand sometimes is that inspiration follows action, not the other way around. Unless and until we take action, our confidence and imagination will remain low. We need to decide what we want and begin moving forward. With progress—even minuscule progress—our clarity and confidence will increase, opening the door for greater flexibility and change.

Fallacy #5: Personality Is Our True and “Authentic” Self

Our “authentic self” is a moving target, especially if we are of the kind to explore possibilities and are growing. To define ourselves with a fixed, authentic self is self-limiting and rigid. It lacks imagination and a growth mindset. Our authentic self is what we most believe in and who we aspire to be. Moreover, our authentic self is going to change. Being authentic is about being honest, and being honest is about facing the truth, not justifying our limitations.

The Gap and the Gain

When we are in the gap, we cannot enjoy or comprehend the benefits in our life. All we are focused on is why something was not how we thought it should have been. For instance, we might live in a great house. But if we are in the gap, then all we might see is what is wrong with our house. We may have an amazing partner but only see what we believe to be wrong or missing in them.

As we get older, we tend not to put ourselves into new contexts, so our personality becomes predictable. We get into our comfort zones. We see consistency in everyday life because of the power of the situation. Putting ourselves in new environments, around new people, and taking on new roles is one of the quickest ways to change our personality, for better or worse.

To conclude, our basic personality type cannot change – however, we can change the aspects of your personality that we are unhappy with. By doing this we will strengthen our shadow traits and become a more well-rounded individual, even though our dominant traits will still remain the same. Such a change could be triggered by either the environment we are in or our own will – to each his own.

**Source Credits: Parts adapted from The Book:- Personality Isn’t Permanent By Benjamin Hardy

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

THE REFLECTIVE MIND: UNDERSTANDING THE MECHANICS OF SELF-REFLECTION

Being present with oneself, in the moment, being mindful, mentalizing, reflective function—all of these constructs point toward a crucial recognition of one’s own experience that takes place repeatedly on short time scales, as much as it is an overarching way of seeing that spans a lifetime. Practicing curiosity fosters open-mindedness.

There is a firm but gentle way to be intently aware, where one almost sees oneself as a beloved stranger. Being a stranger to oneself can represent alienation and nihilism, but it can also be the beginning of a love affair as we meet ourselves anew. Closeness to oneself, however, can pose a variety of real and imagined threats. It is important to respect our own boundaries, self-consent to all major decisions, and equip ourselves well.

Self-Absorption vs. Self-Reflection

In the journey of self-discovery and personal growth, two seemingly similar yet fundamentally different concepts often arise: self-absorption and self-reflection. While both involve introspection and inward focus, understanding the nuances between them is crucial for fostering genuine growth and avoiding potential pitfalls.

The Key Distinctions: Intentions and Outcomes

At the core of the distinction between self-absorption and self-reflection lie the intentions and outcomes of each mindset. Self-absorption is driven by a need for validation, self-aggrandizement, and the preservation of one’s ego. It often leads to stagnation, interpersonal conflicts, and a lack of meaningful connections.

In contrast, self-reflection is motivated by a genuine desire for personal growth, understanding, and empathy. It fosters deeper connections with oneself and others, promotes self-awareness and emotional intelligence, and cultivates resilience in the face of challenges. Achieving a balance between self-absorption and self-reflection requires mindfulness and conscious effort. Here are some practical strategies to navigate this balance effectively:

Understanding Self-Inquiry

Rooted in various philosophical and spiritual traditions, self-inquiry involves a deep exploration of one’s thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and motivations. At its core, self-inquiry is a process of asking ourselves profound questions and reflecting on the answers that arise. These questions may vary depending on individual needs and circumstances, but they often revolve around themes such as identity, purpose, values, fears, desires, and relationships. Through self-inquiry, we seek to unravel the layers of conditioning, assumptions, and unconscious patterns that shape our perceptions and behaviors. Key Principles of Self-Inquiry may include:

The Dangers of Excessive Self-Reflection: When Introspection Becomes a Trap

Self-reflection, like any tool, can be misused or taken to extremes, leading to a host of negative consequences.

1. Paralysis by Analysis: The tendency to overanalyze every aspect of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Instead of leading to clarity and understanding, this can result in a state of paralysis where individuals become stuck in endless loops of rumination and indecision. They may find themselves constantly second-guessing their choices, unable to take action for fear of making the wrong decision.

• Increased Stress and Anxiety: Constantly scrutinizing our thoughts and behaviors can also lead to heightened levels of stress and anxiety. When we are hyper-focused on our perceived flaws and shortcomings, we are more likely to experience negative emotions such as worry, self-doubt, and fear of failure.

• Self-Obsession and Narcissism: Excessive self-reflection can also fuel self-obsession and narcissistic tendencies. When individuals become overly fixated on themselves and their own needs, they may lose sight of the bigger picture and struggle to empathize with others. This can lead to a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and difficulties in maintaining healthy relationships. Eventually it can result in feelings of loneliness, isolation, and a lack of meaningful connections.

• Inhibition of Spontaneity and Creativity: Constantly analyzing every thought and idea can stifle innovation and prevent individuals from taking risks or thinking outside the box.

• Distorted Self-Perception: Excessive self-reflection can also lead to a distorted self-perception, where individuals become overly critical or judgmental of themselves. They may magnify their flaws and shortcomings while minimizing their strengths and achievements. This can erode self-esteem and confidence over time, leading to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.

Benefits of Self-Inquiry

The practice of self-inquiry offers a multitude of benefits for personal growth and well-being:

Self-Inquiry Is A Complex Affair

There are so many layers and options, and fully cataloguing every dimension would be quite an undertaking. Taking it all in and using it implicitly would be ridiculous. In the meantime, here are a few questions and related observations, which may be handy.

A) Why am I thinking this? I mean this thought, right now: . . . While this can simply be a curious question, it may feel critical particularly if the emotional tone (the inner tone of voice) is short or explicitly berating. However, there is a possibility that this is a useful question, as it allows one to trace back the origins or triggers of a particular train of thought or sequence of experiences. “How come” or “when did you first notice this” can be other ways to wonder why.

B) What is happening? This is what is passing through my mind: . . . This feels like recognition, though the content may change. There is a sense of sureness, no doubt. It may be a fleeting notion, or an old familiar companion. Getting such repeating complexes of thought-emotion-behaviour, holistic experience, is useful. They may represent the brain’s resting state network, or default mode network (DMN) activity. Many people do not pay attention to this background noise, but it is not fully random. There are often large parts which are consistent over time. Whether they work as we wish, and so on, is another question.

C) What am I seeing? More to the point, where is attention focused?: . .  . .  A lot of how we think is in a visual mode. The mind is a high-entropy system, meaning it can be in many possible states.  According to physicist Emerson M. Pugh (though often ascribed to others), “If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t.” We can imagine anything, given enough time, but the reality is that at any given moment we have a limited capacity to hold information in mind. This is the paradox of the brain, which is effectively infinite to itself while being severely constrained, as in theory I can think, say or experience a massive number of possible things. In the visual metaphor, we can control how far away we are from the object of attention, creating a degree of detachment without disengagement.

D) Am I listening? Did I stop listening to what is important to me?: . .. .  Listening is key because we can expand the soundscape of how we take our own thoughts. Sometimes the littlest voices are the most important, as is often said. For example, suppose we look at it in different modes. Our default listening mode is meant to meander, and meandering is healthy, creative, and restorative. It lets us stumble upon interesting and potentially important things we might otherwise zip past. The executive control mode can remember what was prioritized, execute plans, and direct resources. The salience mode decides what to highlight and what to filter out, to a significant extent based on past experiences, for better or worse. Clearing the mind makes listening easier.

E) Am I using all my senses? . . .  . Other ways of self-attention track with other sensory modalities, scent or olfaction, touch, taste, body sense or proprioception, and subtle cues of a very basic nature, such as level of tension and groundness, feeling uprooted or firmly planted. It takes a bit of a Sherlock Holmes mentality to fully get a sense of oneself first by looking for all the tell-tale clues. Any sense can be a metaphor or template for ways of inner perception. The immersion in digital reality tends to make it harder to cultivate other senses, though, as audio-visual systems get disproportionately used, and highly developed. Adaptations to cyber-reality may make it harder to be present in an embodied form, as we come to expect and have become accustomed to obvious simulation. It also changes the way we relate to one another.

F) Am I present? . . . . .  The act of asking this question, which may be dispassionate and compassionate, can have the immediate effect of returning one to the present. This is especially true if the path is well-travelled. Neurotic tendencies interfere, with second-guessing and worry. It is like building a bridge into the air over a canyon without being able to see the other side. Being present uses up mental resources, taking other brain systems offline, such as those involved in excessive worry. It also means that we cannot think about the past and future in quite the same ways, as there is a sense of time standing still in the present moment. Long-term planning from this perspective is more of a blueprint, perhaps as imperfectly glimpsed in a dream.

There is a question of whether humanity has been sleepwalking — a manifestation of collective self-hypnotic somnambulism — and whether we are becoming woke, or not. Being present allows us to at least take stock of our personal inventory, possibly catching more of what we ordinarily downplay or completely miss.

Sometimes we have an idea, and while we are thinking about it, we realize we are struggling to clarify to ourselves what we are really thinking. We have an idea and wanted to communicate it to someone else, but find ourselves saying, “it’s hard to explain”. Some questions that may help us out of this are:

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

DEVELOPING CONSISTENCY: BEHAVIOURS INVOLVED

Every single one of us has the potential to be so much more than we are, and throughout our lives, we stumble upon so many amazing ideas and take great initiatives for our growth and well-being, and we also go to great lengths to get started and get things going. 

So many great ideas and initiatives just get buried in the ground forever. So many people who have the potential to achieve so much never make it, only because of the lack of consistency. We often have so many positive intentions and thoughts, and we often know what we “should” do to increase the quality of our lives. If only we could consistently follow some of our life’s callings, our lives might transform beyond our imagination. This can also lead to:-

1. Self Doubt. Doubting our own ability to be consistent and ability to follow through, leading to people’s image of us being inconsistent.
2. Self Image. This doubting impacts our self-image and self-esteem. 
3. Loss Of Trust. This leads to loosing trust in ourselves, becoming afraid to commit to anything, ending up in a negative self-belief.

Some of the principles for building consistency are:

1. Commit IF You REALLY Want To Do It:. . . . .Often people commit to things in the heat of the moment, and their decision to commit is based on the face value of things. Before committing to anything important, think the following questions through:

1. Are you really willing to face the challenges that’ll come along the way?
2. Are you willing to go through the learning curve and develop all the necessary skills that you might need along the way?
3. Are you willing to take time out for this even if it means making some sacrifices on other things?
4. What is your real WHY behind wanting this? Be honest with yourself.

2. Don’t Complicate. Make it Simple and SUSTAINABLE: . . . . . . . . . A lot of people when starting off in something, get into too much fuss and tiny details. They make it way more complex than it should be. Remember, the key to Sustainability is Simplicity. If you get into too much detail in the beginning, trying to make everything perfect, and fretting over tiny details, it will be difficult for you to last long, after the initial hype fades off. First, just get in the habit of getting things going. 

3. Choose EFFICIENCY Over CREATIVITY (where needed): . . . . . . . . . . . Creativity – in the right place – is certainly a must and has its own place. But sometimes, unnecessary creativity can affect the efficiency and flow of things, making it difficult to sustain in the long run. Don’t waste your creative efforts in petty things especially as you are starting off. Choose flow and efficiency in routine tasks so that you don’t have to waste your mental energy on the small stuff. Reserve your mental energy and creativity for things that really matter in terms of your progress.

4. Avoid “Paralysis by Analysis”:. . . . . . . . . . .With SO MUCH information out there, many of us get caught up with all the details and analytics. When you analyze things too much, especially when they are in their initial phases and not producing many results you’ll get fed up and eventually give up.

5. Set Realistic Goals And Expectations:. . . . . . . . . . .Many people, after seeing other people’s overnight success stories, expect results too early. They overestimate what they can achieve in 6-12 months. Things take time to develop. The success stories we hear of people who blew-up overnight are exceptional cases, not a norm. Aim the highest, but set realistic goals and expectations.

6. Pace Yourself To Avoid Burnouts:. . . . . . . . . . .The initial hype of things can make us work too hard to the point of burnout. It’s wise to see this beforehand and avoid it. Work hard, but remember to pace yourself and take some time to breathe, enjoy and relax along the way. Switch things up a little up to refresh your mind and spirits.

“You throw a bucket of water on a rock and it doesn’t do anything.
You let a drop of water fall onto a rock everyday and it creates a hole in that rock.”

7. Value PROGRESS Over PERFECTION:. . . . . . . . . . .To attain perfection can take a long time, if there is such a thing as perfection in the human world. When we start out on something enthusiastically, our inner perfectionist and critic tend to come out and pinpoint all the flaws and errors. Things don’t always have to go smoothly and go the way we expect. It’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s not a big deal if we mess things up sometimes.

Also, the “All or Nothing” mindset is very unproductive and inefficient. We cannot always give our best all the time. Sometimes we have to perform on an average level to be able to maintain consistency, just don’t make it a habit. We are humans, we have our ups and downs. Nothing is 100% perfect. If you think that being consistent means to never falter ever again then you need to reshape your perception about consistency.

8. Learn To Say NO:. . . . . . . . . . .Learning to say NO is an essential part of being consistent. It’s very hard for a Yes-Man/Woman to be consistent at something because they are always occupied by things that are not necessary. Prioritize and don’t let any distractions drag you away from your priority tasks. If you made a commitment to a certain thing, keep it high on your priority list and say no to anything that might get in the way. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Whether it be making promises to self or to other people.

Sometimes life can get in the way no matter how hard we try to commit, and that is totally natural. The thing that determines your consistency is not how perfectly you follow through, but how fast you come back to your commitment if you get off track.

9. Create a System and Automate Your Work:. . . . . . . . . . .Whether you’re seeking consistency in your personal life or professional life, make it a point to set a specific system so that everything clicks, instead of you thinking about the order of thing or the tiny details every time you do something. When you set a system, you don’t have to waste your mental energy thinking or worrying about everyday stuff.

Also, look towards automating as many things as you can through apps and online services. Use technology as your servant and delegate as much work to it as you can. Automation will tremendously simplify your life, save your from being overwhelmed, and free up a lot of time which you can utilize in other important things.

Steps to build the skill of Being Consistent:

Every year people make new resolutions. For the first couple of days, they ride that wave of motivation. They show up, do the work, move on. Another day won. But then the novelty wears off. It doesn’t have to be that way. Being consistent is a skill that can be developed. Here’s one way to build the skill.

Step 1: Choose a Goal: . . . . . . This is the easy part: choose something you want to achieve. You have something already on your mind. Maybe you want to start writing. Or lose weight. To maximize your odds of success, bind it to personality change. You’re not looking to achieve, you want to become. Connect your goal to a personality change to make it permeate. For example, you’re someone who writes, or, a healthy person that eats clean and exercises.

“I want to become_______.”

Step 2: Tie It to an Action: . . . . . .How are you going to reach your goal? What does success look like? This is the rep — the action you’ll be doing consistently to achieve your goal. Focus on the process rather than the outcome. For Example, a writer writes. There’s really nothing else to it. Your action is sitting down to write for 30 minutes every day. A healthy person exercises. Commit to making 10 pushups per day, no matter what. Choose easy actions. First, you need to master showing up, or getting started. The habit of consistency isn’t about grand gestures or quick results. It’s about incremental progress over a long period of time. It’s 1% for years.

“I want to become_______ by ____________ every day/week.”

Step 3: Commit to a Time and Place: . . . . . .It’s now time to set intentions: choosing a time and place to perform your action. The easiest place to start is inserting your new action into your routine. It’s important that you choose a non-negotiable time to practice and be consistent. The location can be as simple as “at the desk” or broader like “the park”. Come out of this step with a time and place for your habit.

“I will become_______ by____________ every day/week at_______ am/pm at_________.”

Step 4: Track Your Progress: . . . . . .You want to make yourself accountable. All you need is a calendar and a marker. It has to be physical and you’ll understand why in a minute. Remember the consistency formula is: “I will become (GOAL) by (ACTION) every day at (TIME) at (LOCATION).” Write your consistency “affirmation” at the top of your calendar. When you practice your habit, draw a big X on top of that day. Every X on your calendar is a vote for who you want to become.

Step 5: Don’t Break the Chain: . . . . . . After a few days, you’ll start seeing a chain of X’s. Visual progress pleases the brain. Keep the chain going. It doesn’t matter if the end result is good or bad, you just do it. No excuses. If you do fail, get back on track as quick as possible. One day is a lapse. Two is the beginning of a new habit — the habit of not being consistent. You’ll struggle. That’s part of the process. Accept it, embrace it, move ahead.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa