PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY- (CHAPTER 02)

***Continued from Chapter 01 (Covered previously: Diwali & Family Ties, Bowen Family Systems, Three out of the eight concepts of the Bowen Theory Views)

Link to Chapter 01:

PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY -CHAPTER 01

04: Family Projection Process

Children inherit many types of problems (as well as strengths) through the relationships with their parents, but the problems they inherit that most affect their lives are relationship sensitivities such as heightened needs for attention and approval, difficulty in dealing with expectations, the tendency to blame oneself or others, feeling responsible for the happiness of others or that others are responsible for one’s own happiness, and acting impulsively to relieve the anxiety of the moment rather than tolerating anxiety and acting thoughtfully. The projection process follows three steps:

These steps of scanning, diagnosing, and treating begin early in the child’s life and continue. The child grows to embody the fears and perceptions of the parent.

Example:- . . . parents perceive their child to have low self-esteem, they repeatedly try to affirm the child, and the child’s self-esteem grows dependent on their affirmation.

Parents often feel they have not given enough love, attention, or support to a child’s manifesting problems, but they have invested more time, energy, and worry in this child than in other siblings. The siblings less involved in the family projection process have a more mature and reality-based relationship with their parents that fosters the siblings developing into less needy, less reactive, and more goal-directed people. The mother is usually the primary caretaker and more prone than the father to excessive emotional involvement with one or more of the children. The father typically occupies the outside position in the parental triangle, except during periods of heightened tension in the mother-child relationship.

05: Multigenerational Transmission Process

This describes how small differences in the levels of differentiation between parents and their offspring lead over many generations to marked differences in differentiation among the members of a multigenerational family. The information creating these differences is transmitted across generations through relationships. The transmission occurs on several interconnected levels ranging from the conscious teaching and learning of information to the automatic and unconscious programming of emotional reactions and behaviours.

The combination of parents actively shaping the development of their offspring, offspring innately responding to their parents’ moods, attitudes, and actions, and the long dependency period of human offspring results in people developing levels of differentiation of self that is similar to their parents’ levels. The next step in the multigenerational transmission process is people predictably selecting mates with levels of differentiation that match their own. As these processes repeat over multiple generations, the differences between family lines grow increasingly marked.

The Level of differentiation can affect longevity, marital stability, reproduction, health, educational accomplishments, and occupational successes. The highly differentiated people have unusually stable nuclear families and contribute much to society; the poorly differentiated people have chaotic personal lives and depend heavily on others to sustain them. A key implication of the multigenerational concept is that the roots of the most severe human problems as well as of the highest levels of human adaptation are generations deep.

For example:-.. . if a family programs someone to attach intensely to others and to function in a helpless and indecisive way, he/she will likely select a mate who not only attaches to him/her with equal intensity, but one who directs others and makes decisions for them.

06: Emotional Cut-off

This explains about people managing their unresolved emotional issues with parents, siblings, and other family members by reducing or totally cutting off emotional contact with them. Emotional contact can be reduced by people moving away from their families and rarely going home, or it can be reduced by people staying in physical contact with their families but avoiding sensitive issues. Relationships may look “better” if people cut-off to manage them, but the problems is dormant and not resolved. People risk making their new relationships too important.

For example:- . . .the more a man cuts off from his family of origin, the more he looks to his spouse, children, and friends to meet his needs. This makes him vulnerable to pressuring them to be certain ways for him or accommodating too much to their expectations of him out of fear of jeopardizing the relationship.

People who are cut-off may try to stabilize their intimate relationships by creating substitute “families” with social and work relationships. An unresolved attachment can take many forms.

Examples may be:-

People often look forward to going home, hoping things will be different this time, but the old interactions usually surface within hours. It may take the form of surface harmony with powerful emotional undercurrents or it may deteriorate into shouting matches and hysterics. Both the person and the family may feel exhausted even after a brief visit. It may be easier for the parents if an adult child keeps distance. The family are relieved when the person leaves.

07: Sibling Position

People who grow up in the same sibling position predictably have important common characteristics. Where a person is in the birth order in the family, has an influence on how he/she relates to her parents and siblings. Oldest children tend to gravitate to leadership positions and youngest children often prefer to be followers. The characteristics of one position are not “better” than those of another position, but are complementary. Some examples:. .

People in the same sibling position may exhibit marked differences in functioning. The concept of differentiation can explain some of the differences. For example:. . . . .. . . rather than being comfortable with responsibility and leadership, an oldest child who is anxiously focused on may grow up to be markedly indecisive and highly reactive to expectations. Consequently, his younger brother may become a “functional oldest,” filling a void in the family system. He is the chronologically younger child, but develops more characteristics of an oldest child than his older brother. Middle children may exhibit the functional characteristics of two sibling positions.

The sibling positions of a person’s parents are also important to consider. An oldest child whose parents are both youngests’ encounters a different set of parental expectations than an oldest child whose parents are both oldests’.

08: Societal Emotional Process

Each concept in Bowen theory applies to nonfamily groups, such as work and social organizations. The concept of societal emotional process describes how the emotional system governs behaviour on a societal level, promoting both progressive and regressive periods in a society. Cultural forces are important in how a society functions but are insufficient for explaining the ebb and flow in how well societies adapt to the challenges that face them.

In times of regression (like the current pandemic), people act to relieve the anxiety of the moment rather than act on principle and a long-term view. A regressive pattern began unfolding in society after World War II. It worsened some during the 1950s and rapidly intensified during the 1960s. The “symptoms” of societal regression include a growth of crime and violence, an increasing divorce rate, a more litigious attitude, a greater polarization between racial groups, less principled decision-making by leaders, the drug abuse epidemic, an increase in bankruptcy, and a focus on rights over responsibilities. Human societies undergo periods of regression and progression in their history.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY -CHAPTER 01

Diwali, also known as the Festival of Lights, symbolizes the spiritual “victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance”.  Celebrations are wonderful ways in which our deep physical, social and psychological needs are met. The family is an important institution that plays a crucial role in the lives of most Indians. In this era of nuclear families, where we experience clashes and misunderstanding on multiple occasions, the survival and dignified growth of family relationships becomes a concern.

Diwali & The Four Life Stages – Varnashrama Dharma

Diwali is not only a festival of lights but also the festival of family relations and celebration. In Ancient India, for the optimum fulfilment, satisfaction and peace in one’s life, the stages of life were discussed as the ‘ashramas’ or ‘Varnashrama Dharma’.

The Varnashrama Dharma system consists of four age-based life stages discussed in Indian texts of the ancient and medieval eras. The child begins his or her life with Brahmacharya stage as a student, then progresses to the Grihastha stage of a householder, then retires to Vanaprastha stage and finally accepts the Sanyasa stage of renunciation.

The Grihastha Ashrama stage (after the marriage of an individual) is considered the most important of all stages in the social, cultural and economic context, as human beings not only pursued a virtuous life, they produced food and wealth that sustained people in other stages of life, as well as, the offspring, that continued mankind. This stage is also where the most intense physical, sexual, emotional, occupational, social and material attachments exist in a human beings life.

Almost all the festivals in India are concentrated around this concept of celebration with family and friends. However, Diwali celebrates the Grihastha stage to the fullest sense by focusing on the multiple aspects and qualities of it, highlighting the need to enjoy and appreciate each member of the family with deserving importance and their mutual bonding with other members of the family. It is almost a complete compendium of coordination of members of family, respect towards each other, love, affection, care and sharing, human values of forgiving, gratitude and humility.

Diwali helps us to seamlessly transmit family values and find our place in the circle of life. Coming together to celebrate a festive occasion reinforces family relationships, provides ample opportunities for bonding and nourishes emotional attachments. Happy memories become positive inner resources that help to calm the mind – they release the feel-good chemicals in the brain. Creating happy memories helps us remember the good times more than the bad ones.

The Bowen Family Systems Theory

The Bowen family systems theory was developed by psychiatrist and researcher Dr Murray Bowen (1913–90). In recent years Bowen’s concept of ‘differentiation of self’ — which describes differing levels of maturity in relationships — has been shown by researchers to be related to important areas of well-being, including marital fulfilment, and the capacity to handle stress, make decisions and manage social anxiety.

Bowen’s theory lends a perspective to understand the variations in how different people manage similarly stressful circumstances. The theory looks at our personal and relationship problems as coming from exaggerated responses, to sensing a threat to family harmony and that of other groups. Some examples from daily life:

Bowen’s concept of ‘differentiation of self’ forms the basis of a systems understanding of maturity. The concept of differentiation refers to the ability to think as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others. It describes the varying capacity each person has to balance their emotions and their intellect, and to balance their need to be attached with their need to be a separate self. The best way to grow a more solid self was in the relationships that make up our original families; running away from difficult family members would only add to the challenges in managing relationship upsets.

The Eight Concepts

01: Triangles

A triangle is a three-person relationship system. It is considered the building block or “molecule” of larger emotional systems because a triangle is the smallest stable relationship system. A two-person system is unstable because it tolerates little tension before involving a third person. A triangle can contain much more tension without involving another person because the tension can shift around three relationships. If the tension is too high for one triangle to contain, it spreads to a series of “interlocking” triangles. Spreading the tension can stabilize a system, but nothing gets resolved.

A triangle creates an odd man out, which can be a difficult position for individuals to tolerate. Anxiety generated by anticipating, being, or by being the odd man out is a potent force in triangles. The patterns in a triangle change with increasing tension. In calm periods, two people are comfortably close “insiders” and the third person is an uncomfortable “outsider.” The insiders actively exclude the outsider, and the outsider works to get closer to one of them. Someone is always uncomfortable in a triangle and pushing for change. The insiders solidify their bond by choosing each other in preference to the less desirable outsider.

People’s actions in a triangle reflect their efforts to assure their emotional attachments to important others, their reactions to too much intensity in the attachments, and their taking sides in others’ conflicts. When someone chooses another person over oneself, it arouses particularly intense feelings of rejection. If mild to moderate tension develops between the insiders, the most uncomfortable one will move closer to the outsider. One of the original insiders now becomes the new outsider and the original outsider is now an insider.

At a high level of tension, the outside position becomes the most desirable. If severe conflict erupts between the insiders, one insider opts for the outside position by getting the current outsider fighting with the other insider. If the manoeuvring insider is successful, he gains the more comfortable position of watching the other two people fight. When the tension and conflict subside, the outsider will try to regain an inside position.

Examples:

02: Differentiation of Self

Families and other social groups tremendously affect how people think, feel, and act, but individuals vary in their susceptibility to a “groupthink” and groups vary in the amount of pressure they exert for conformity. These differences between individuals and between groups reflect differences in people’s levels of differentiation of self. The less developed a person’s “self,” the more impact others have on her/his functioning and the more she/he tries to control, actively or passively, the functioning of others.

The basic building blocks of a “self” are inborn, but an individual’s family relationships during childhood and adolescence primarily determine how much “self” he develops. Once established, the level of “self” rarely changes unless a person makes a structured and long-term effort to change it.

People with a poorly differentiated “self” depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others that either they quickly adjust what they think, say, and do to please others or they dogmatically proclaim what others should be like and pressure them to conform. An extreme rebel is a poorly differentiated person too, but she/he pretends to be a “self” by routinely opposing the positions of others.

People with a well-differentiated “self” are able to recognize their realistic dependence on others, and can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection. They can distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts, from thinking clouded by emotionality. Thoughtfully acquired principles help guide decision-making about important family and social issues, making them less at the mercy of the feelings of the moment. What they decide and what they say matches what they do. They can act selflessly, but their acting in the best interests of the group is a thoughtful choice, not a response to relationship pressures.

03: Nuclear Family Emotional Process

The concept of the nuclear family emotional system describes four basic relationship patterns that govern where problems develop in a family. The forces primarily driving them are part of the emotional system. The tension level depends on the stress a family encounters, how a family adapts to stress, and on a family’s connection with extended family and social networks. Tension increases the activity of one or more of the four relationship patterns. Where symptoms develop depends on which patterns are most active. The four basic relationship patterns are:

The more anxiety one person or one relationship absorbs, the less other people must absorb. This means that some family members maintain their functioning at the expense of others. People do not want to hurt each other, but when anxiety chronically dictates behaviour, someone usually suffers for it.

***To be continued in Chapter 02 (Points 04 to 08) Link to Chapter -02:

PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY- (CHAPTER 02)

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

ENTROPY: BEHAVIORS THAT IMPACT OUR LIVES

Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”This pithy statement references the annoying tendency of life to cause trouble and make things difficult. Problems seem to arise naturally on their own, while solutions always require our attention, energy, and effort. Life never seems to just work itself out for us. If anything, our lives become more complicated and gradually decline into disorder rather than remaining simple and structured.

Why is that? Murphy’s Law is just a common adage that people toss around in conversation, but it is related to one of the great forces of our universe. This force is so fundamental to the way our world works that it permeates nearly every endeavor we pursue. It drives many of the problems we face and leads to disarray. It is the one force that governs everybody’s life: Entropy.

What is Entropy and Why Does It Matter?
One simple way to think about it could be: Imagine that we take a box of puzzle pieces and dump them out on a table. In theory, it is possible for the pieces to fall perfectly into place and create a completed puzzle when you dump them out of the box. But in reality, that never happens. Why? Quite simply because the odds are overwhelmingly against it. Every piece would have to fall in just the right spot to create a completed puzzle. There is only one possible state where every piece is in order, but there are a nearly infinite number of states where the pieces are in disorder. Mathematically speaking, an orderly outcome is incredibly unlikely to happen at random.

Similarly, if we build a sand castle on the beach and return a few days later, it will no longer be there. There is only one combination of sand particles that looks like our sandcastle. Meanwhile, there are a nearly infinite number of combinations that don’t look like it. Again, in theory, it is possible for the wind and waves to move the sand around and create the shape of our sandcastle. But in practice, it never happens. The odds are astronomically higher that sand will be scattered into a random clump.

These simple examples capture the essence of entropy. Entropy is a measure of disorder. And there are always far more disorderly variations than orderly ones.

How does Entropy Connect to Our Lives?
The important thing about entropy: it always increases over time.It is the natural tendency of things to lose order. Left to its own devices, life will always become less structured. Sand castles get washed away. Weeds overtake gardens. Cars begin to rust. People gradually age. With enough time, even mountains erode, and their precise edges become rounded. The inevitable trend is that things become less organized. This is known as the Second Law of Thermodynamics. It is one of the foundational concepts of chemistry and it is one of the fundamental laws of our universe. The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that the entropy of a closed system will never decrease.

In the long run, nothing escapes the Second Law of Thermodynamics. The pull of entropy is relentless. Everything decays. Disorder always increases.The Key: Without Effort, Life Tends to Lose Order.

We can fight back against the pull of entropy. We can solve a scattered puzzle, pull the weeds out of the garden, clean a messy room, or, importantly, organize individuals into a cohesive team.But because the universe naturally slides toward disorder, we have to expend energy to create stability, structure, and simplicity.Successful relationships require care and attention, just as successful houses require cleaning and maintenance. Successful teams require communication and collaboration. Without effort, things will decay.

Maintaining organization in the face of chaos is not easy. This insight—that disorder has a natural tendency to increase over time and that we can counteract that tendency by expending energy—reveals the core purpose of life. We must exert effort to create useful types of order that are resilient enough to withstand the unrelenting pull of entropy.

Entropy will always increase on its own. The only way to make things orderly again is to add energy. Order requires effort.

Entropy in Daily Life

Entropy helps explain many of the mysteries and experiences of daily life. Here are some just to help understand its play in our lives.

Consider the human body.The collection of atoms that make up our body could be arranged in a virtually infinite number of ways and nearly all of them lead to no form of life whatsoever. Mathematically speaking, the odds are overwhelmingly against our very presence. We are a very unlikely combination of atoms. And yet, here we are. In a universe where entropy rules the day, the presence of life with such organization, structure, and stability is stunning.

Why Art is Beautiful. Entropy offers a good explanation for why art and beauty are so aesthetically pleasing. Artists create a form of order and symmetry that, odds are, the universe would never generate on its own. It is so rare in the grand scheme of possibilities. Similarly, seeing a symmetrical face is rare and beautiful when there are so many ways for a face to be asymmetrical.Beauty is rare and unlikely in a universe of disorder.

Why Marriage is Difficult. One of the most famous opening lines in literature comes from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. He writes, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”There are many ways a marriage can fail—financial stress, parenting issues, crazy in-laws, conflicts in core values, lack of trust, infidelity, and so on. A deficiency in any one of these areas can wreck a family.To be happy, however, we need some degree of success in each major area. Thus, all happy families are alike because they all have a similar structure. Disorder can occur in many ways, but order, in only a few.

Therefore: Optimal Lives Are Designed Not Discovered.
We all have a combination of talents, skills, and interests that are specific to us. But we also live in a larger society and culture that were not designed with our specific abilities in mind. Given what we know about entropy, what could the odds be of the environment we happen to grow up in is also the optimal environment for our talents?It is very unlikely that life is going to present us with a situation that perfectly matches our strengths. Out of all the possible scenarios we could encounter, it is far more likely that we will encounter one that does not cater to our talents.

Evolutionary biologists use a term called “mismatch conditions” to describe when an organism is not well-suited for a condition it is facing. We have common phrases for mismatch conditions: “like a fish out of water” or “bring a knife to a gunfight.” Obviously, when you are in a mismatch condition, it is more difficult to succeed, to be useful, and to win.It is likely that life will not be optimal—mismatch conditions may exist. Maybe we didnot grow up in the optimal culture for our interests, maybe we were exposed to the wrong subject or sport, maybe we were born at the wrong time in history. It is far more likely that we are living in a mismatch condition than in a well-matched one.Knowing this, wecan take it upon ourselves to design our ideal lifestyle. Wehave to turn a mismatch condition into a well-matched one. Optimal lives are designed, not discovered.

Finally, returning to Murphy’s Law: “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”Entropy provides a good explanation for why Murphy’s Law seems to pop up so frequently in life. There are more ways things can go wrong than right. The difficulties of life do not occur because the planets are misaligned or because some cosmic force is conspiring against us. It is simply entropy at work. It is nobody’s fault that life has problems. There are many disordered states and few ordered ones. Given the odds against us, what is remarkable is not that life has problems, but that we can solve them at all.

A closed system is one that is not taking in any energy from the outside. In other words, unless we add outside energy to keep things orderly, the natural trend of any closed system is to become more disordered. We will never be able to reverse entropy in the long run. Billions of years from now, every atom in the universe will be scattered and spread out such that entropy is maximized and nothing is orderly. But in the short run, we can create local pockets of order within our lives.The Second Law (of thermodynamics) defines the ultimate purpose of life, mind, and human striving: to deploy energy and information to fight back the tide of entropy and carve out refuges of beneficial order. 
Another related insight here as we conclude is that we should probably quit things faster than we do. There is always a risk that we will quit too early, but of all the possible things we could be exposed to and invested in, it is very unlikely that we are currently engaged in the best thing for us. Thus, if results are not coming easily, move on.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.