PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY -CHAPTER 01

Diwali, also known as the Festival of Lights, symbolizes the spiritual “victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance”.  Celebrations are wonderful ways in which our deep physical, social and psychological needs are met. The family is an important institution that plays a crucial role in the lives of most Indians. In this era of nuclear families, where we experience clashes and misunderstanding on multiple occasions, the survival and dignified growth of family relationships becomes a concern.

Diwali & The Four Life Stages – Varnashrama Dharma

Diwali is not only a festival of lights but also the festival of family relations and celebration. In Ancient India, for the optimum fulfilment, satisfaction and peace in one’s life, the stages of life were discussed as the ‘ashramas’ or ‘Varnashrama Dharma’.

The Varnashrama Dharma system consists of four age-based life stages discussed in Indian texts of the ancient and medieval eras. The child begins his or her life with Brahmacharya stage as a student, then progresses to the Grihastha stage of a householder, then retires to Vanaprastha stage and finally accepts the Sanyasa stage of renunciation.

The Grihastha Ashrama stage (after the marriage of an individual) is considered the most important of all stages in the social, cultural and economic context, as human beings not only pursued a virtuous life, they produced food and wealth that sustained people in other stages of life, as well as, the offspring, that continued mankind. This stage is also where the most intense physical, sexual, emotional, occupational, social and material attachments exist in a human beings life.

Almost all the festivals in India are concentrated around this concept of celebration with family and friends. However, Diwali celebrates the Grihastha stage to the fullest sense by focusing on the multiple aspects and qualities of it, highlighting the need to enjoy and appreciate each member of the family with deserving importance and their mutual bonding with other members of the family. It is almost a complete compendium of coordination of members of family, respect towards each other, love, affection, care and sharing, human values of forgiving, gratitude and humility.

Diwali helps us to seamlessly transmit family values and find our place in the circle of life. Coming together to celebrate a festive occasion reinforces family relationships, provides ample opportunities for bonding and nourishes emotional attachments. Happy memories become positive inner resources that help to calm the mind – they release the feel-good chemicals in the brain. Creating happy memories helps us remember the good times more than the bad ones.

The Bowen Family Systems Theory

The Bowen family systems theory was developed by psychiatrist and researcher Dr Murray Bowen (1913–90). In recent years Bowen’s concept of ‘differentiation of self’ — which describes differing levels of maturity in relationships — has been shown by researchers to be related to important areas of well-being, including marital fulfilment, and the capacity to handle stress, make decisions and manage social anxiety.

Bowen’s theory lends a perspective to understand the variations in how different people manage similarly stressful circumstances. The theory looks at our personal and relationship problems as coming from exaggerated responses, to sensing a threat to family harmony and that of other groups. Some examples from daily life:

Bowen’s concept of ‘differentiation of self’ forms the basis of a systems understanding of maturity. The concept of differentiation refers to the ability to think as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others. It describes the varying capacity each person has to balance their emotions and their intellect, and to balance their need to be attached with their need to be a separate self. The best way to grow a more solid self was in the relationships that make up our original families; running away from difficult family members would only add to the challenges in managing relationship upsets.

The Eight Concepts

01: Triangles

A triangle is a three-person relationship system. It is considered the building block or “molecule” of larger emotional systems because a triangle is the smallest stable relationship system. A two-person system is unstable because it tolerates little tension before involving a third person. A triangle can contain much more tension without involving another person because the tension can shift around three relationships. If the tension is too high for one triangle to contain, it spreads to a series of “interlocking” triangles. Spreading the tension can stabilize a system, but nothing gets resolved.

A triangle creates an odd man out, which can be a difficult position for individuals to tolerate. Anxiety generated by anticipating, being, or by being the odd man out is a potent force in triangles. The patterns in a triangle change with increasing tension. In calm periods, two people are comfortably close “insiders” and the third person is an uncomfortable “outsider.” The insiders actively exclude the outsider, and the outsider works to get closer to one of them. Someone is always uncomfortable in a triangle and pushing for change. The insiders solidify their bond by choosing each other in preference to the less desirable outsider.

People’s actions in a triangle reflect their efforts to assure their emotional attachments to important others, their reactions to too much intensity in the attachments, and their taking sides in others’ conflicts. When someone chooses another person over oneself, it arouses particularly intense feelings of rejection. If mild to moderate tension develops between the insiders, the most uncomfortable one will move closer to the outsider. One of the original insiders now becomes the new outsider and the original outsider is now an insider.

At a high level of tension, the outside position becomes the most desirable. If severe conflict erupts between the insiders, one insider opts for the outside position by getting the current outsider fighting with the other insider. If the manoeuvring insider is successful, he gains the more comfortable position of watching the other two people fight. When the tension and conflict subside, the outsider will try to regain an inside position.

Examples:

02: Differentiation of Self

Families and other social groups tremendously affect how people think, feel, and act, but individuals vary in their susceptibility to a “groupthink” and groups vary in the amount of pressure they exert for conformity. These differences between individuals and between groups reflect differences in people’s levels of differentiation of self. The less developed a person’s “self,” the more impact others have on her/his functioning and the more she/he tries to control, actively or passively, the functioning of others.

The basic building blocks of a “self” are inborn, but an individual’s family relationships during childhood and adolescence primarily determine how much “self” he develops. Once established, the level of “self” rarely changes unless a person makes a structured and long-term effort to change it.

People with a poorly differentiated “self” depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others that either they quickly adjust what they think, say, and do to please others or they dogmatically proclaim what others should be like and pressure them to conform. An extreme rebel is a poorly differentiated person too, but she/he pretends to be a “self” by routinely opposing the positions of others.

People with a well-differentiated “self” are able to recognize their realistic dependence on others, and can stay calm and clear headed enough in the face of conflict, criticism, and rejection. They can distinguish thinking rooted in a careful assessment of the facts, from thinking clouded by emotionality. Thoughtfully acquired principles help guide decision-making about important family and social issues, making them less at the mercy of the feelings of the moment. What they decide and what they say matches what they do. They can act selflessly, but their acting in the best interests of the group is a thoughtful choice, not a response to relationship pressures.

03: Nuclear Family Emotional Process

The concept of the nuclear family emotional system describes four basic relationship patterns that govern where problems develop in a family. The forces primarily driving them are part of the emotional system. The tension level depends on the stress a family encounters, how a family adapts to stress, and on a family’s connection with extended family and social networks. Tension increases the activity of one or more of the four relationship patterns. Where symptoms develop depends on which patterns are most active. The four basic relationship patterns are:

The more anxiety one person or one relationship absorbs, the less other people must absorb. This means that some family members maintain their functioning at the expense of others. People do not want to hurt each other, but when anxiety chronically dictates behaviour, someone usually suffers for it.

***To be continued in Chapter 02 (Points 04 to 08) Link to Chapter -02:

PERSPECTIVES ON FAMILY SYSTEMS & BEHAVIOURS: THE BOWEN THEORY- (CHAPTER 02)

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

THE ORIGIN OF ANXIETY: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED

A deer may be startled by a loud noise and take off through the forest, but as soon as the threat is gone, the deer immediately calms down and starts grazing. And it does not appear to be in anxiety about it later. Let us play act for a moment that we are that deer, living in the grasslands of India. We have slim long feet that help us get into a sprint quickly and pruned senses that pick up signs of danger, a majestic antelope that grabs attention from the group of humans that, every now and then, come driving around on a jungle expedition taking pictures of us.

Perhaps the biggest difference between us and our other deer friends, and the humans taking our photograph is that nearly every decision we make (as a deer) provides an immediate benefit to our life. When we are hungry, we walk over and chomp on a bush. When it rains, we shelter under a tree. When we spot a tiger, we run away. Most of our choices as a deer—like what to eat or where to sleep or when to avoid a predator—make an immediate impact on our life. We live in what scientists call an immediate-return environment because our actions instantly deliver clear and immediate outcomes.

Now, let’s flip the script and pretend we are one of the humans on the jungle expedition. While taking photographs from the Jeep, we might think, “This safari has been a lot of fun. It would be cool to work as a park ranger and see deer every day. Speaking of work, is it time for a career change? Am I really doing the work I was meant to do? Should I change jobs?”

Most of the choices we make today will not benefit us immediately. If we do a good job at work today, we will get recognition at the end of the business quarter. If we save money now, we will have enough for retirement later. Many aspects of modern society are designed to delay rewards until some point in the future. This is true of our problems as well.  Such a situation is commonly referred to as delayed returns.

Researching hunting and gathering societies, anthropologist James Woodburn classified societies into two major categories: those with immediate return systems and those with delayed return systems. This entails two different environments.

The Immediate Return Environment

In an Immediate Return Environment, the actions of an individual bring about immediate benefits. Everything that prehistoric humans did was oriented at the present, as a result of following their instincts to survive: avoiding predators, finding shelter when they need it, reproducing, hunting and gathering to survive. For the sole purpose of completing these tasks, they made tools and weapons that did not require a lot of labour. The human brain evolved in this type of environment to use anxiety to protect humans from danger and starvation, compelling them to solve all the short-term problems they were faced with. The feelings of stress and anxiety were relieved as each problem was solved.

The Delayed Return Environment

The actions taken in a Delayed Return Environment are not directed at an immediate benefit, but with future reward in mind. Each day we work, we are putting in the effort to get a reward in the future: salary at the end of the month/project. We study in order to obtain a degree in years. We save money so we can invest it or enjoy spending it later. We choose healthy foods and exercise knowing that it will not make us fit immediately, but in the future and only if we maintain a regimen, and so on.

As humans evolved, they adopted more characteristics of delayed return societies, making elaborate weapons, processing, and storing food for future use, etc. But the modern environment presents a very abrupt change when you look at it from the perspective of evolution. The Delayed Return Environment tends to lead to chronic stress and anxiety for humans. Why? Because the human brain did not evolve for life in a delayed-return environment.

Evolution of the Brain

The earliest remains of modern humans, known as Homo sapiens, are approximately two hundred thousand years old. These were the first humans to have a brain relatively like ours. In particular, the neocortex—the newest part of the brain and the region responsible for higher functions like language—was roughly the same size two hundred thousand years ago as today. Compared to the age of the brain, modern society is incredibly new. It is only recently—during the last 500 years or so—that our society has shifted to a predominantly Delayed Return Environment.

The pace of change has increased exponentially compared to prehistoric times. In the last 100 years we have seen the rise of the car, the airplane, the television, the personal computer, the Internet, and MTV. Nearly everything that makes up our daily life has been created in a very small window of time. From the perspective of evolution, however, 100 years is nothing. The modern human brain spent hundreds of thousands of years evolving for one type of environment (immediate returns) and in the blink of an eye the entire environment changed (delayed returns).

The Evolution of Anxiety
The mismatch between our old brain and our new environment has a significant impact on the amount of chronic stress and anxiety we experience today. Thousands of years ago, when humans lived in an Immediate Return Environment, stress and anxiety were useful emotions because they helped us take action in the face of immediate problems. For Instance:

Anxiety was an emotion that helped protect humans in an Immediate Return Environment. It was built for solving short-term, acute problems. There was no such thing as chronic stress because there are no really chronic problems in an Immediate Return Environment. Wild animals rarely experience chronic stress. Today we face different problems. Will I have enough money to pay the bills next month? Will I get the promotion at work or remain stuck in my current job? Will I repair my broken relationship? Problems in a Delayed Return Environment can rarely be solved right now in the present moment.

Ways to balance our Anxiety and Stress.

One of the greatest sources of anxiety in a Delayed Return Environment is the constant uncertainty. There is no guarantee that working hard in school will get you a job. There is no promise that investments will go up in the future. There is no assurance that going on a date will land you a soul mate. Living in a Delayed Return Environment means you are surrounded by uncertainty. So how do we reconcile the way our brains work with the problems of the Delayed Return Environment?

First things first: we need to deal with the built-up chronic stress through small lifestyle changes. Many of us have excess levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) because of this fast-paced environment, so adjusting our diet, sleeping habits, and exercising more is the first step to balancing these hormones. Of course, practices such as meditation can help us regain emotional balance and realign our thoughts; meditation takes time to perfect, but it is worth it (there we go, delayed return all over again).

Next, there are two ways to regain balance:

01) Measuring something:-> We cannot know for certain how much money we will have in retirement, but we can remove some uncertainty from the situation by measuring how much we save each month. We cannot predict when we will find love, but we can pay attention to how many times we introduce ourselves to someone new.

The act of measurement takes an unknown quantity and makes it known. When we measure something, we immediately become more certain about the situation. Measurement will not magically solve our problems, but it will clarify the situation, pull us out of the black box of worry and uncertainty, and help us get a grip on what is actually happening.

Furthermore, one of the most important distinctions between an Immediate Return Environment and a Delayed Return Environment is rapid feedback. Animals are constantly getting feedback about the things that cause them stress. As a result, they actually know whether or not they should feel stressed. Without measurement you have no feedback.

02) Shift Your Worry:-> The second thing we can do is “shift our worry” from the long-term problem to a daily routine that will solve that problem. Instead of worrying about living longer, we can focus on taking a walk each day. Instead of worrying about losing enough weight for the wedding, we can focus on cooking a healthy dinner tonight.
The key insight that makes this strategy work is making sure our daily routine both rewards us right away (immediate return) and resolves our future problems (delayed return).

In the end, hopefully, by reflecting on the way the brain works and acknowledging how it puts anxiety in motion, we can use these mechanisms to our advantage. The Delayed Return Environment presents a challenge for humans, but there is a way to reconcile the age-old hardwiring of the brain with this environment that presents itself as threatening. Research has shown that the ability to delay gratification is one of the primary drivers of success. It is then interesting that delaying gratification is both the opposite of what our brain evolved to do and the skill that matches the Delayed Return Environment we live in today.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

COMPASSION TRAINING: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED IN CULTIVATING COMPASSION – (CHAPTER 02)

***Continued from Chapter 01 (Covered previously: What is compassion, differentiation from pity, sympathy, empathy, love, etc., Orientations of compassion)

Link to Chapter 01:

COMPASSION TRAINING: BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED IN CULTIVATING COMPASSION- (CHAPTER 01)

How Can We Best Cultivate Compassion?

A growing body of evidence suggests that, at our core, most humans have a natural capacity for compassion. Infants too young to have learned the rules of politeness spontaneously engaged in helpful behaviour without a promise of reward, and would even overcome obstacles to do so. Despite this, everyday stress, social pressures and life experiences, in general, can make it difficult to experience and fully express compassion to ourselves and to others. Fortunately, we also have the capacity to nurture and cultivate a more compassionate outlook.

Cultivating compassion is more than experiencing empathy or concern for others. It develops the strength to cope with suffering, to take compassionate action, and the resilience to prevent compassion fatigue – an extreme state of tension and preoccupation with the suffering of others. These qualities support a wide range of goals, from improving personal relationships to making a positive difference in the world.

There are at least six current empirically-supported (Research Based) )interventions that focus on the cultivation of compassion:

A) Compassion-Focused Therapy: . . . . . . . . . . This focuses on two psychologies of compassion. The first is a motivation to engage with suffering, and the second is focused on action, specifically acting to help alleviate and prevent suffering. It is an integrated and multi-modal approach concerned with alleviating the sense of shame and high levels of self-criticism we often experience.

B) Mindful Self-Compassion: . . . . . . . . . . This was developed as a program to help cultivate self-compassion, that is treating ourselves with the same kindness, concern, and support we would show to a good friend. This combines the skills of mindfulness and self-compassion to enhance our capacity for emotional well-being. Its emphasis is on distinguishing between the inner critic and compassionate-self.

C) Compassion Cultivation Training: . . . . . . . . . . It draws its theoretical underpinnings from contemplative practices of Tibetan Buddhism and Western psychology. It delivers training in compassion practices across six steps:

D) Cognitively-Based Compassion Training: . . . . . . . . . . This draws from what is known as ‘lojong’ in Indo-Tibetan Buddhism and coaches practitioners to cultivate compassion through simple contemplative practices. It incorporates mindfulness and cognitive restructuring strategies to encourage a shift of perspective through reflection about ourselves and our relationship to others.

E) Cultivating Emotional Balance: . . . . . . . . . . This is based on Western scientific research on emotions, and traditional Eastern contemplative practices and is aimed at building emotional balance. Here there is an emphasis on understanding emotions and being able to recognize the emotions of others. It is an educational training method that creates pathways to compassion by training and teaching individuals to recognize the suffering of others and of oneself, and to tolerate the distress more effectively through learning new ways of managing emotions.

F) Compassion Meditations and Loving-Kindness Meditations: . . . . . . . . . .These are often combined and practiced together in compassion-based interventions to help settle the mind, increase compassion to self and others, and to improve mental health. They are meditations during which the aim is to express goodwill, kindness, and warmth towards others by silently repeating a series of mantras. Both practices involve a structured approach where individuals can learn to direct caring feelings towards oneself, then towards loved ones, then towards acquaintances, then towards strangers, then towards someone with whom one experiences interpersonal difficulties, and finally towards all living beings without distinction.

Can Compassion Be Measured?

Existing research based popular psychometric instruments (questionnaires) that are used in the measurement of compassion are mentioned below. Each has its own varying validity and focuses on different aspects of compassion.

1. Compassionate love scale
   • Intended for the general population
   • Consists of two forms: one relating to close family and friends, and one focusing on humanity as a whole.
2. Santa Clara brief compassion scale
   • Examines compassion in relation to strangers
3. The compassion scale
   • Provides measure of compassion across domains that could be strengthened through guided coaching.
4. Self-compassion scale
   • Does not include items specifically relating to being attentive to how one is feeling.
5. The compassion scale (Pommier)
   • Based on the theory compassion consists of kindness, mindfulness, and common humanity.
6. Relational compassion scale
   • Measures compassion for others, for themselves, their beliefs about how compassionate people are to one another, and their beliefs about how compassionate other people are towards them.
7. Compassionate care assessment tool
   • This tool is completed by receivers in relation to their caregivers.
8. The Schwartz Center compassionate care scale
   • Measures receivers’ ratings of compassionate care received from their caregivers.

Ways to Build and Cultivate Compassion in Daily Routines

The aim of these exercises and activities is to cultivate compassion in whatever state you currently occupy.

• Begin each day with compassion in mind
• Volunteer: . . . Donating our time to a worthwhile cause is just one of the ways we can actively show compassion to others.
• Actively listen: . . .Being fully present and truly listening to others. Listening provides relief to those in a world that can be indifferent to suffering.
• Have a self-compassion break – Taking a self-compassion break to help bring the important aspects of compassion to mind when you need it most. Example: Think of a situation that is causing us stress and tell ourselves ‘I am struggling in this moment and that’s ok’, ‘I am not alone’, and offering ourselves soothing words of acceptance.
• Ask ourselves- ‘How would I treat a friend?’ – We are often more critical and judgmental about our own struggles than those of others. How would we treat a friend experiencing hard times? Why treat ourselves any differently?
• Practicing mindfulness – Mindfulness is the process of bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment and develops the ability to recognize distress in ourselves while encouraging emotional balance in the face of adversity.
• Keeping a compassion journal –to record the moments we experienced compassion, anything we felt bad about, and anything we judged ourselves harshly for. Write down some kind, understanding words of comfort.
• Commonalities – Rather than focusing on how we differ from others, we can try instead to recognize what we have in common. Reflect on the commonalities we have with everyone else – we are all connected to the larger human experience.
• Guided meditation – Compassion meditation and related practices can have many positive outcomes, including increasing self-compassion and other-focused compassion
• Write a compassion letter to ourselves. Example: Think of something that tends to make us feel bad about ourselves. Now imagine an unconditionally loving and compassionate friend who can see all our strengths and weaknesses. Write a letter to ourself from the perspective of this friend, focusing on the perceived inadequacy we tend to judge ourselves for. What would this friend say from the perspective of unlimited compassion? After writing the letter, put it down for a little while. Then come back to it and read it again, really letting the words sink in.
• The Eastern wisdom practice of Tonglen – take a moment to imagine all the people in the world who may be struggling in the same way that we are. Inhale and think of how we are experiencing the same feelings as others are. Exhale and focus on the compassion we feel both for ourself and for others.

We often consider some people to be more compassionate than others, but we have the potential to adopt a more compassionate outlook through training and deliberate practice. While it may be challenging, the cultivation of compassion is undeniably beneficial – to us and to those around us.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

MENTAL/ BRAIN BANDWIDTH: PERCEPTION AND DISCERNMENT

Everything we do (thinking and doing) occupies some bandwidth. Some things occupy a little and others a lot.

Examples of things that occupy a little, for most people, are walking, drumming your fingers, or tapping your foot, and things that we are expert at because we have done them often. Examples of things that occupy a lot are talking, listening to information, doing anything we have to concentrate hard on, doing things that we are not expert in because we have not done them before.

Driving a car is a good way to envisage this. When we were learning to drive, we had to concentrate extremely hard. We would not have been able to hold a conversation while driving. Almost all our attention was involved in trying to drive. Now that we are an expert, we do not usually have to use so much of our attention. Of course, we still must use a fair amount, but we could also have a conversation while driving. But then, every now and then while we are driving along, something happens that means we have to focus more: the traffic increases, we come to a part of the journey where we have to look out for a turning, roadworks happen, the weather becomes difficult. Then we will find that we tend to stop conversation; we might turn the radio off; we have instinctively realised the need for more brain bandwidth for driving.

A few more interesting examples:

What is Mental Bandwidth (or Cognitive Bandwidth)?

Bandwidth is what allows us to reason, to focus, to learn new ideas, to make creative leaps and to resist our immediate impulses. Bandwidth refers to our cognitive capacity and our ability to pay attention, make good decisions, stick with our plans, and resist temptations.

Cognitive bandwidth is the maximum amount of thinking that is available per unit of time. It can be simplified a step further. We use the term ‘bandwidth’ to refer to two broad, related components of mental function:

Time Scarcity Vs Mental Bandwidth

Scarcity creates a powerful goal that inhibits other considerations. By constantly drawing us back to that urgent unmet goal, scarcity taxes our bandwidth and our most fundamental capacities. Busy people all make the same mistake: they assume they are short on time, which of course they are. But time is not their only scarce resource. They are also short on bandwidth. For instance, although the room seems quiet, it is full of disruptions—ones that come from within. Such internal disruptions stem from scarcity. An unrealized need can capture our attention and impede our ability to focus on other things.

The impacts of scarcity on mental bandwidth can be a vicious cycle. Feelings of scarcity, whether money or time, prey on the mind, thereby impairing decision-making. When we are busy, we are more likely to make poor time-management choices – taking on commitments we cannot handle, or prioritising trifling tasks over crucial ones. A vicious spiral kicks in, our feelings of busyness leave us even busier than before.

This scarcity mindset consumes ‘mental bandwidth’ — brainpower that would otherwise go to less pressing concerns, planning ahead and problem-solving.

This deprivation can lead to a life absorbed by preoccupations that impose ongoing cognitive deficits and reinforce self-defeating actions. When we focus heavily on one thing, there is just less mind to devote to other things. We call it tunnelling — as we devote more and more to dealing with scarcity we have less and less for other things in our life.

A Cognitive Bandwidth Formula

A simple but different approach to cognitive bandwidth can be demonstrated by a formula that we can all use to find mental balance:

1. Throughput: The actual amount of thinking done per unit of time…the throughput depends on the complexity of the stuff we are working on.
2. Overhead: Overhead is the cost of doing stuff where we must care about organization, task switching, etc, and is paid against the bandwidth limit.
3. Bandwidth: The bandwidth is fixed at some level which we can barely change.

The idea is to try and always make sure our throughput and overhead do not exceed our perceived total bandwidth. If we know our overhead is going to be high one day, we can try to plan for a reduced throughput (and vice versa).

Why Is This Brain Bandwidth Theory So Relevant To Wellbeing, Stress & Performance?

1. Stress and preoccupation. Three main disadvantages (among others) are:
   • That we can have too much adrenalin and have a sense of panic instead of simple alertness.
   • Cortisol has a habit of building up and over time causing problems with sleep, mental health, focus, mood, performance, and physical illnesses.
   • Preoccupation. This describes the fact that if our brain bandwidth is occupied, then we have less available to focus on the task in hand.
2. Things that occupy a lot of bandwidth:
   • Worries, anxieties, intrusive negative thoughts – if we are worried about something or someone, it’s hard to focus on our work; we’ll make more mistakes; and we’ll be snappier.
   • Processing information or tasks – such as things we are trying to learn, understand or remember
   • Anything new and unfamiliar
   • Other people being around us – they could be distracting us or making us feel unrelaxed; other people are hard to ignore
   • Working on screens – because when we are using a screen there is almost always competing information on the screen, adverts and icons and notifications designed to attract our attention away from what we are doing.
3. The consequences of that:
   • Exhaustion.
   • Mistakes and forgetfulness – the times when we have “a lot on our mind” are the times when we make mistakes.
   • Loss of executive control –the times when we snap, say and do things we don’t mean.
   • Loss of cognitive ability – it is harder to learn new things if we can’t devote our full attention.

Tips For Managing Our Mental Bandwidth

• Ignore the Generic Methods & Experiment

There are several conflicting philosophies. For instance, a penny saved might be a penny earned, yet we are also told not to be penny smart and pound foolish. The same holds true with advice for mental bandwidth, where one source might encourage multitasking, while another demand absolute singularity of focus. Rather than trying to adapt our working style to someone else’s, experiment with different techniques and keep those that are functional for us, while casting aside those that do not.

• Actively Manage Our Mental Bandwidth

Perhaps the biggest mistake many people make is allowing their mental bandwidth to be managed for them. The beeping phone, meeting request, or act performed for ritual or obligation all rob our limited mental bandwidth, and many perform these actions unquestioningly. If we allocate our focus as we see fit, and actively choose what we want to focus on, we will be in command of our mental bandwidth.

• Do A Bandwidth Cost/Benefit

Most of us are awash in meeting requests and accept without question. Everyone complains about excessive meetings, yet it is often a guilty pleasure to summon a group at our whim, or join a discussion under the assumption that our input is necessary and valuable. Simply asking ourselves whether requesting or attending is worth the cost in mental bandwidth is a great start.

• Plan For Focus Time

There are tasks that require great focus, whether performing precision or dangerous manual work, or designing a complex system or bit of code. Or, we may need to spend some time with a small group, free from distraction. Book a block in the calendar, shut off the phone, move to a different physical location, or do whatever is required to create the right circumstances to have the necessary focus to get the job done.

• Know When To Throw In The Towel

For many of us it can be tempting to put in the extra hour at the office, or delay vacations for what is perceived as a critical set of meetings or deadlines. Trying to squeeze out the last ounce of mental bandwidth can be tempting in the moment, but it is ultimately an effort with rapidly diminishing returns. Calling it a night, taking that long-delayed vacation, or even the simple act of a quick walk around the office will recharge our mental energy and make us more effective in the long run.

• Don’t Make Assumptions About Our Team

It can be tempting to assume that what works for us will be effective for others, even to the point of designing our physical spaces and policies around what we assume will allow our team to best manage and deploy their mental bandwidth. Rather than assuming, ask the team how we can help them be most effective. Allow the teams to experiment and find what works for them, and use the end result as the benchmark for success.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

OVERTHINKING: COGNITIVE MANIFESTATIONS

Thoughts are powerful. They become reality. Whatever we hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what we will experience in life. All humans have patterns to their behaviour. These patterns develop over time based on life experiences. And just as patterns are learned, they can also be unlearned.

What Is Overthinking?

The classic overthinking definition is, “to think about something too much or for too long.” While it’s human nature to think things through when making a decision or evaluating a situation, it becomes overthinking when you can’t get out of your own head, worrying about the future or ruminating about the past. Overthinking a tough decision that needs to be made can also cause problems. Replaying all the options in the head can lead to “paralysis by analysis”.

Why Do We Overthink?

Often overthinking is a by-product of anxiety or depression. Often overthinking only materializes when we need to make a tough life decision or when we are dealing with insecurities. If overthinking is not a symptom of a deeper emotional issue, it can often be addressed by changing thoughts and mindsets.

How To Stop Overthinking

Know that overthinking and problem solving aren’t the same thing:
Constantly ruminating and going over scenarios and possibilities often disguises itself as problem solving. It feels like doing something good and useful. Recognize when you’re overthinking something, don’t act like it’s problem solving, and press fast-forward.

Remember the 90-10 rule:
This is a formula, a ratio, for how to value ourselves, based on 90 percent self-worth, 10 percent assigned worth. Ninety percent should come from self-acceptance and self-appreciation, and just 10 percent from external validation. Overthinkers distort the formula, even reversing it by acting like 90 percent of their worth comes from what others think or say. So they worry, which takes the form of overthinking.  

Reopen the door only when new information knocks:
Overthinking goes into overdrive when we keep revisiting decisions we make, refusing to close the door on a call that has been made. Believe that you’ve done your due diligence, and revisit something you’ve already decided only when you’re presented with new information.

Assume good intent:
Overthinkers read too much into things. They are assuming something bad lies underneath, something like a bad perception, someone wishing them ill, or an unfavourable outcome. When this happens, switch the assumption to what is well-intended, or at least neutral.

Embrace informed ignorance and uncertainty:
We can’t read the future, we can’t read minds, and we can’t know everything. When we don’t know something, we tend to fill in the blanks, often with worthless assumptions. One of human tendencies is that we would rather be unhappy than uncertain. These assumptions can take many forms, all infusing themselves into the inner monologue of the overthinker. Try to replace “what if” with “we’ll see.” Another way to handle uncertainty could be the OAR:

1. Observe uncertainty, don’t overreact to it.
2. Acknowledge the presence of uncertainty and accept that impermanence is inevitable.
3. Realize that uncertainty brings benefits, like unleashing creativity and resilience.

Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.

Stop framing the unremarkable as catastrophic:
This means stop taking small details and turning them into questionable conclusions. We often feel the need to overthink because we simply fear being wrong. Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. Ask yourself in such moments what the realistic cost of being wrong is. When you can lower the stakes, you raise your ability to get mentally unstuck.

Put things into a wider perspective.

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life. So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself: Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks? Widening the perspective by using this simple question can quickly snap us out of overthinking and help to let go of that situation. Get outside it and switch gears to connect with what’s going on around you so you can take joy in it.

Set short time-limits for decisions.
If we do not have a time-limit for when we must make a decision and take action then it can just keep turning our thoughts around and around for a very long time. Setting deadlines for when to complete the decision and spring into action can help to work around this.

Realize that you cannot control everything:
Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you don’t risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool. But those things are a part of living a life where we truly stretch our comfort zone. Stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance. This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.

Spend more of your time in the present moment:
By being in the present moment in our everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in our mind we can replace more and more of the time we usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead. Some ways that can help to reconnect with the present moment are:

1. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example.
2. Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought (for example, by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP), then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you.

Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.
Our social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to us in real life, but also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in our life. So think about the sources in life that encourages and tends to create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you. Find ways to spend more time and attention with the people and input that have a positive effect on our thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa