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FOSTERING TEAM SOLIDITY

The pandemic has had a huge impact on individual and collective health and prosperity, and no one knows when our economy and our society will be healthy again. Yet opportunities exist. If companies and leaders can inspire team members to proactively solve problems, set aside old practices, test and prove innovative ways to work, and pilot new systems, the likelihood of organizations surviving — and, indeed, thriving — is much greater.

The single most important component are caring leaders: leaders who adapt to serve their employees and their companies and create positive traction. It is important for leaders to take steps to build trust and cooperation among their employees to maximize productivity and team satisfaction. Modelling best behaviours and creating shared experiences, they must evolve and adapt, and some behaviours that can help them are:

1. Develop Rules Of Engagement

Ask people what it takes to have a great team, what the definition of a great teammate is, and what actions each needs to participate in to support those definitions. Once done, ask what phrase could be used, without people being defensive, to create accountability. What it does is it levels the playing field and re-establishes trust.

2. Define Clear Commitments

We lose trust when we perceive others have not followed through on what we expect; yet these commitments are often not clearly articulated, mutual and measurable. In new teams or in teams trying to recover trust, it is important to have clearly articulated agreements and accountability measures to ensure everyone involved has aligned expectations.

3. Show Trust First

As the leader, are you trusting them? Where are you holding the reins too tightly, thinking you are best to handle a particular client or project? What information are you holding back, assuming others cannot handle it? Trust them more, and they will begin to learn they can trust, too.

4. Share and Be Receptive

Trust is determined by openness, credibility, and respect, practiced consistently. Leaders must foster an environment where others’ differences are accepted and look out for others’ welfare. Leaders who share thoughts and feelings and who are receptive to the thoughts and feelings of others build trust.

5. Model Respectful Argumentation

Establish a regular routine that supports the process of argumentation during all team meetings. Argumentation among team members instigates positive tension that leads to mutual respect, trust, and innovation. By learning how to respectfully disagree, people learn that there is no need to mistrust someone with a different perspective, because argumentation feels a lot different than mere arguing.

6. Identify Why Trust Is Low

Think of trust as deposits or withdrawals from an account. Low trust is a result of too many withdrawals. There are several areas that can build or break trust with teams. One thing leaders can do is to identify the reasons for low trust. By getting down to the root issues you can start to rebuild trust.

7. Have Team Members Interact on A Personal Level

Create an opportunity for the team to interact on a personal level at a retreat, challenge, or event. Make it easy for people to be authentic, tell stories and reveal their character. It is with this shared experience that a structured dialogue about earning each other’s trust and respect can evolve into the best way to work together as team. A didactic exercise alone cannot produce trust.

8. Share A Regular Meal

People are hard to hate up close, and nothing brings togetherness like sharing a meal. Engage in activities (a monthly team lunch or coffee) focused on nonwork discussion. Engage in personal sharing exercises, discuss vacations and personal and professional goals, or have a self-awareness workshop, such as a personal assessment tool, to create mutual understanding. Teams that eat together build stronger bonds.

9. Understand Communication Styles

We all have different behavioural styles, and when we encounter someone who approaches tasks or communicates differently than we do, it can lead to mistrust. By discussing motivators, work styles and how each style prefers to communicate, you will bridge misunderstandings and begin to build trust.

10. Create A Necessity

From a practical standpoint, it is all about creating a “necessity.” Human behaviour is most likely to adapt when changes are a matter of survival. The most effective method I have seen work is to create that necessity. Put those that you perceive as not trusting each other into a team and define the project success in a way that forces trust building.

11. Don’t Be Afraid to Be Vulnerable

It is so powerful when a leader shows vulnerability to their team. When anyone is vulnerable their team often responds with empathy, which starts a cycle of trust. If you need to build trust more quickly, hold an offsite and ask everyone on the team to develop and share two growth goals with the entire team. This provides everyone with an equal opportunity to be vulnerable and to support each other.

12. Teach Safety Instead

We cannot teach trust any better than we can teach a fool proof method of falling in love. Trust equals an outcome, rather than a catalyst. Instead, teach safety and trust will grow. When we feel safe, we trust. Try criticizing in private, praising in public or other safe practices, and watch the trust build on your team.

13. Learn Each Other’s Stories

Everyone has a personal history that impacts how they show up in their professional setting and the lens by which they view the world. Establishing trust requires team members be given the opportunity to share the stories that have shaped them. This allows the armour to come down so they can see each other authentically and develop the compassion that will guide them through the challenging times.

14. Do Charitable Work Together

Sometimes the best building of bonds and trust is outside the walls of the organization. Those who serve others by building a Habitat house, meeting kids and families under cancer care, or serving meals and educating the homeless often get something far greater than getting along better at work. Volunteer experiences where trust can be built often directly translate positively and immediately.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa.

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EFFECTIVE AND MEANINGFUL APOLOGY: BEHAVIOURS ASSOCIATED

Apologizing to those we have hurt or harmed isn’t always an easy task. There can be various obstacles in our way of doing what is right. Some are:

A)  A matter of pride: . . .   To apologize is to set aside our pride long enough to admit our imperfections. For some people, this feels far too vulnerable, too dangerous. It means they have to admit they are flawed and fallible, something they refuse to do. And apologizing also overrides our tendency to make excuses or blame others. This acceptance of responsibility for our own actions is so out of character for some that it is nearly impossible.  

B) A sign of weakness: . . .  To many, apologizing reflects weakness. These people have a tendency to need to be right and to always be seen as strong and powerful. But the truth is, apologizing for the harm you caused and taking responsibility for your mistakes can actually be seen as a sign of strength. For example, General Mark Milley recently apologized for appearing in a photo-op with President Trump. “It was a mistake,” he admitted, “I should not have been there.” For most people, hearing a top General apologize didn’t diminish him in their eyes but elevated him. The truth is, it takes strength to apologize.

C)  Fear of being shamed: . . . .  Some people have been so severely shamed in their childhood that they can’t tolerate any further shaming.  This includes admitting when they are wrong or apologizing for mistakes.

D)  The fear of consequences: . . . . . Many people fear that if they take the risk of apologizing they may be rejected. “What if he never speaks to me again,” and “What if she leaves me?” are two of our most common fears. Others fear that by apologizing they risk being exposed to others or of having their reputations ruined. “What if he tells everyone what I did?” is the common fear of those who fear this consequence. Some people fear that by admitting fault they will lose the respect of others. “What if she thinks I’m incompetent?” Still, others fear retaliation, “What if he yells at me?” “What if she tries to get revenge?” Finally, the fear of exposure or even arrest may prevent us from doing what we know we need to do. Even those who would like to apologize for wrongdoing hold back out of fear of being sued or arrested, or due to the advice of legal counsel.  

E)  A lack of awareness: . . . . . Many people don’t apologize because they are oblivious to the effect their actions have on others. They don’t apologize because they are simply unaware that they have anything to apologize for. They may be so focused on what others have done to harm them that they can’t see how they have harmed others, or they just may be so self-focused that they are unable to see the effect their behaviour has on others

Each person suffers in one way or another. And each of us is trying to end that suffering in any way we can. Sometimes, in a last-ditch effort to end our suffering, we choose to close off our minds or harden our hearts. When we do this, we accomplish our goal of not being able to feel our pain but we also stop being able to feel the pain of others. When this happens we act in callous, selfish, even cruel ways without even knowing it. This may give the impression that we don’t care when, in fact, we are just blind to the effects of our actions.

F)  The inability to empathize: . . . . . By far, the most significant reason why so many of us have difficulty apologizing it that we lack empathy for others, that quality that enables us to put ourselves in the place of the other person.  In order to truly apologize we need to be able to imagine how our behaviour or attitude has affected the other person. Unfortunately, many people are unable to do this. Some have to be reminded how to have empathy, others have to be taught.

Apology has the power to humble the most arrogant of people. When we are able to develop the courage to admit when we are wrong and to work past our fears and resistance to apologizing we develop a deep sense of respect for ourselves. This self-respect can, in turn, affect our self-esteem, our self-confidence and our overall outlook on life.

When I apologize to you I show you that I respect you and care about your feelings. I let you know that I did not intend to hurt you and that it is my intention to treat you fairly in the future. By accepting my apology you not only show me (and yourself) that you have a generous spirit but that you are giving me and our relationship another chance. In addition, you are reminded of your own mistakes and this in turn can encourage you to treat me and others with more respect and consideration.

What is a Meaningful Apology?

Many people need to be taught how to apologize in a way that will be heard and accepted. An effective, meaningful apology is one that communicates the three R’s: . . .

1)  A statement of regret for having caused the inconvenience, hurt, or damage.

To feel true regret we need to have empathy for the person we have harmed. This entails imagining how the other person feels and an awareness of the inconvenience, hurt, or damage that you caused the other person. Having empathy for the person you hurt or angered is actually the most important part of your apology. When you truly have empathy the other person will feel it. Your apology will wash over him or her like a healing balm. On the other hand, if you don’t have empathy your apology will sound and feel empty.

2)  An acceptance of responsibility for your actions. 

This means not blaming anyone else for what you did and not making excuses for your actions but instead accepting full responsibility.

3) A statement of your willingness to take some action to remedy the situation.

This could be either by promising to not repeat your action, a promise to work toward not making the same mistake again, a statement as to how you are going to remedy the situation or by making restitution for the damages you caused. Just saying you are sorry is insulting unless you offer reassurances that you will not do it again.

Apology is a powerful interaction that has an almost magical ability to provide healing for both the offended and the offender. Let’s not squander our opportunities to heal, grow, and change our lives and the lives of others for the better by refusing to admit our wrongs or by giving half-hearted, bumbled, or insulting apologies. 

Article Reference: The Power of Apology-  Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships, by Beverly Engel.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa